Please help me. I’m really struggling rn and please don’t say “just be yourself” because this IS myself. I’m awkward and the last time I had a sense of humor was before the pandemic started lol. I’m tired of only responding to people and not knowing how to make the first move, like what do I even talk about? These people are my friends, family and people that i love. So why am I always so hesitant to hit them up? I feel like a stranger to them. And I bet there’s no reason for them to keep me as their friend anymore. It really doesn’t matter if we have anything in common or not, there’s always gotta be this invisible wall that stops me from reaching out to these people. It’s been almost 3 years now and I feel trapped. Do tell me if you relate to this, and what you did to change. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks
3 comments
Maybe see a therapist? You seem depressed.
Also, if you do not want to talk, you don’t have to. I don’t really like to talk so I don’t.
You can talk about literally anything. If you and another person are having a conversation and you do not come up with anything to say, look around you. The floor looks nice, there is a cute dog over there, that color on that car looks nice. You can say whatever and if it’s weird they’ll only think you’re funny 😁
As long as you keep feeling you are awkward, people will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying a lot about awkwardness, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Try this. Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
I would just like to say that i relate to everything that you have written. And it has only increased the last couple of years for me too. Im now in a period of my life where I dont event care any more. My motto is “fuck it, i dont care” – Im beginning to say my opinions even though they are poorly constructed, Im telling my parents when they are being annoying and so on, and Im generally being more honest.
I dont know if its a good thing or not yet. The alternative is actually trying to fix myself, and I have tried that over and over again the last years and I feel like a hamster stuck in a wheel – its impossible so yeah , ive given up and im slowly letting the world know…like an Incel or something….but “fuck it, i dont care”…