TLDR: should i hang out with him again or no?
In my first post, I talked about how there was this really cute guy in my class and we had been flirting for awhile, but no moves had been made.
Well, this is the story of how my first real kiss went down. I am 21F. He’s 22M.
This is kind of an off my chest sort of thing, so I’m going to write this in the way I was thinking/feeling throughout this.
CONTEXT WITH CURRENT GUY: The first time we hung out we went to get cookies and walked and talked for 6 hours. Second time we cuddled and watch netflix for 3 hours (that was my first time cuddling with a guy; I was laying on his chest and our legs were wrapped together and I couldn’t believe that was happening.
Honestly i think he wanted to do more that night, but I was already freaking out internally so we didnt. Time passes, we flirt more and more. Then one day I hit him up asking if he wants to hang out around 7 pm, I wanted to do a walk/talk thing similar to our first hangout. He texted me back saying he was at dinner but he could come over later tonight and we could “just chill at my place”
I was like oh my fucking god internally and instead of being excited I actually got really nervous and overwhelmed with anxiety because it was clear that we would be in my room, cuddling at the very LEAST. And I may possibly get my first real kiss. (There was a 0.000000001 millisecond peck that happened when I was 19 but the guy was hella creepy and weird so he got blocked).
So i’m freaking out and then suddenly i get a text thats like “im here :)”
FUCKSHITFUCKSSHFUCK.
im like walking down the stairs im so goddamn nervous and then i meet him and he greets me and we go to my room and i kid you not we stand there like five feet apart for a good 10 minutes because i am so in my head. then i ask him if he wants to get more comfortable and point to the chairs, bed, etc. and hes like yea of course and he climbs onto my bed and asks if thats okay and i say yes and get up there too. he wraps his arms around me and we assume our cuddling position (this time i felt less tense and just enjoyed being embraced in his arms and the warmth) no netflix necessary, we cuddle and just talk for the next 3 hours. at some point in these 3 hours, we both take off our shirts because it was so goddamn warm in the bed, so now im in my bra and hes shirtless.
i think we were talking about eyes? colors? idk something, but i turned to him and i was like you have really pretty eyes (he has blue eyes). and he smiles at me and hes like thanks, you have really nice eyes too. awwwwww, im overwhelmed by feels at this point and i turn away from him and i accidentally say my inner thought “ugh i wanna kiss you so bad!” and then im like fuck why the hell did i say that out loud? and he pulled me back gently to face him and goes “well then come here and let me kiss you :)”
sooooo we smile at each other and lean in closer and closer until i feel his lips on mine. the kiss is soft/gentle at first but then it gradually gets more intense and now we’re making out with tongue and hes biting my lip occasionally (who knew i actually like lip biting?) he flips me over so that hes on top of me and asks if he can take off my bra and i nod he unclips my bra with one hand (i cant even do this what the fuck?) and continues to kiss/suck/play with my boobs.
he took off his pants and i saw that he was hard but i panic and say im on my period (which i actually was). i probably gave this man blue balls but i was not ready to jump into that territory yet. i dont remember what happened much after this but he left around like 2 am?
are you guys proud of me??? i really hope you guys felt my perspective when you were reading this ahaha. now now now, i do be feeling like this was a ploy to get me to have sex with him even though i didnt have sex with him. he said he usually “goes with the flow” and “tends to lean more casual” sooo. bunch of other red flags too, its sad that my first experience with this was with a guy who doesnt actually care about me, but sometimes i wonder if i see him again in the fall and he asks to hang out, will i give in because i just want affection or will i say no because i know deep down he doesnt care about me? there may or may not be the side dilemma of me falling for my best friend this year even though we’ve been platonic friends for 3 years….. but thats a reddit post for another day xD
thoughts?
1 comment
It doesn’t sound to me like you told him ahead of time your boundaries. But when you did he respected them. I don’t see any red flags here? He asked you if he could take off your shirt and got consent. And when he was told no he stopped. He seems interested enough to keep chatting but it could just be all charms to have sex with you. It’s hard to say but from this it sounds like you enjoyed spending time with him and he respected your boundaries when they were brought in. Did you ask him before what he was looking for? Don’t mind read and project. If you want to date someone for a relationship then you need to ask if that’s their intention within the first date and make a decision from there.