So my case is that im always the quiet one and rarely speak when im in a new class or around strangers. Lets say 4 new friends are talking so much i end up being quiet and just observe their conversation, and I’m always embarrassed because they properly think I’m weird for not talking at all (sometimes ask if I’m ok). I actually don’t enjoy talking to new people and im holding back on looking into a new college since I dropped out this year because of my social skills. Its like im always zoning out and go into “ back lock” mode. Please help im always crying just the thought of looking for a new colleges and meet new people.
2 comments
As long as you keep feeling embarrassed about yourself speaking, people will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying a lot, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Try this. Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
First and foremost, you can’t be making college decisions based on how social you are. Full disclosure, I’m a social person. And while
I certainly won’t remotely discount the importance of making those connections, it’s far less important than the primary reason you’re attending college to begin with; to get a degree. If socializing is that huge of a problem, then go to a commuter school or get your degree online. But please don’t drop out only because of socializing if it’s impacting your education. That would be a monumental mistake. You need to consider your future above all else.
It’s fine to be observant. Even as an extrovert (which I evolved into over time), I still observe every situation carefully to know what’s appropriate to say. But as a friend, you can’t simply not exist.
So to answer your question, you’re shy. I’ve absolutely been there. But you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Once you address that, that’s when things will improve. Good luck.