I am a 23F and my filipino parents disapprove of my 29M boyfriend.
A little background:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 3months now, but we’ve known each other for YEARS. In fact, our family have know each other and are in the same circle of friends (filipino community in Canada) and have gotten along very well. Last year, when we just starting dating I told my mom about our relationship to which she responded “are you serious” “why” “I’m so disappointed” “you’re dad wont like this”. My heart sank and I cant even describe the rollercoaster of emotions I felt at that time. My mom told my dad and as expected his reaction wasn’t positive either. Ever since then, my boyfriend and I have tiptoeing around them, I wont mention him in front of my parents and avoid talking anything related to him to them.
When we started dating, I was in my final year of university (I lived in my own apartment, 3 hours away from them) so I thought maybe they just didn’t want me to get distracted. So we dated lowkey and I made sure I graduated without failures and landed a job right after. After my accomplishments, I thought they would be more accepting of him but nothing has changed. I would also like to point out that I’m very independant and rarely ask my parents for support, I PAID MY SCHOOLING, rent, groceries etc. through student loans and by working full and part time during university.
I really tried to understand their point of view and why they dont like him:
\- Age:he is 6 years older than me. This could be one of the factors, but my parents have 9 years gap and my mom was a teen mom.
\- The fact that my boyfriend didn’t go to university. My boyfriend doesnt have a degree but has a decent, stable paying job. He is hard worker, kind and treats his parents and little siblings with so much love and respect.
I have a great relationship with my parents and Im really torn about his. My boyfriend has been begging me to take him home and let him formally meet my parents as my boyfriend. Getting my parents blessings is really important for both him and I, but I’m very scared and nervous so I have been telling him not yet. I’m scared at what they’ll say to him and I really dont want him to get hurt. And tbh I have this huge resentment towards them, that even writing this makes me tear up, I just dont understand why they cant be happy for me and accept him. All of my life, I;ve always worked my ass to make them proud and have never failed them.
They’re aware I’m still with him, but we never talk about it and avoid that conversation altogether. I don’t have the balls to confront/talk to them about it. My boyfriend and I just avoid social events where my parents or relatives would be there or I wouldn’t bring him along which is really taking a toll on our relationship.
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tl;dr: Filipino parents disapprove of my older boyfriend that didn’t go to university. They avoid and act as if I’m not with him.
Sorry it’s a really long post and not well organized, but I just needed to rant.
4 comments
So I do not know about the cultural preseures since I am a whote male but just ask them out right whats their problem. You cant try to help if you dont know the issue?
Maybe they have a misconception about him, maybe it is the Education thing. But them just saying they are disappointed isnt helping either.
Be brave and start the communication. Be open to their questions and concerns, but also know they maybe out of their minds and you need to decide for you.
if you don’t mind me asking since what age have you and your boyfriend known each other?
If your parents and his parents are friends then it could be one of these reasons.
1. Your parents are worried a breakup will ruin the friendship they have with his family
2. They might think of him like a distant family member and have the ick because of this.
3. He’s not good enough. If they’ve watched him grown up and are friends with his parents then his parents probably spread chismis about him and boom not approved by your parents.
Your parents aren’t dating your boyfriend, you are. If he makes you happy, that’s all that matters, and it should be all that matters to them as well. Tell them to get with it or get moving lol, it’s your life to live not theirs.