Anyone else have a similar experience?
As a kid, I was bullied through elementary school. Somewhere in grade 4 where “girls can’t be friends with boys” devolved into subtle racism, as I was the only brown kid in a Catholic school. *insert trauma*
But from then, until I was “done” with school, I wasn’t really allowed to socialize with the other kids. I wasn’t able to talk to anyone, forming bonds was off the table. I ate alone, played alone, learned alone, was part of that awful “peer grading system” where my classmates graded me poorly. I was left out of circles, and didn’t build those skills of socializing.
That left me feeling awkward into my late 20s, I’ve accepted that I’m pretty much an introvert now. I’m happy with how my life’s went for the most part. I’m interesting, have hobbies, developed my own kind of relationships. But it does feel weird at times.
When it comes to socializing with people, I often feel like an NPC. I don’t really know what to say, and often run out of things to say to people. Lately I’ve run into a couple people who’ll understand that I’m introverted and they’ll take it easy on me, but those are far and few between. I feel so lost when it comes to talking to most people, or when there’s a group setting.
I can be very social when it comes to work, I’ve worked customer service, I can talk like any normal person more or less. But with personal stuff, I just can’t make it work and feel so weird. I can’t really understand how people just meet up to talk. It feels so weird to me.