Men: What was your biggest struggle for those of us who grew up without a dad?

13 comments

1. Well, I had a dad growing up as a child but he wasn’t much of the type for younger children. Where he really shined was as a dad to adults but sadly he died shortly after I became an adult. So I never really got much of him where he was at his best. I could’ve really used him at a ton of points in my life as an adult but he wasn’t there. Though I barely saw him as a kid either since he worked late then was exhausted. Basically ate some dinner and fell asleep.

2. Seeing other kids talk about how awesome their dad was and when they asked about yours you had to be like “oh um, I don’t have one” to which was always met with weird looks.

   Apart from that I didn’t really struggle with anything, if anything it made me a better person as a result. My father was a verbally abusive dude who slept with a new woman every night and didn’t care about responsibility at all and was a compulsive liar and manipulator. I’m glad I didn’t have that as a role model.

   Growing up without a father makes you really appreciate what family you do have and it made me personally understand the type of man I never wanted to be.

3. I’m not sure. I don’t know how things would have been different had he been alive.

4. It’s hard to say I struggled when he was never there in the first place.

   Could it have been different if he was around? Idk, not sure if he would’ve made any difference in my life if he was there or maybe *I think* he wouldn’t because he was never there in the first place.

5. My dad died when I was 6. I always had this feeling that there was something wrong with me. So, I kept the no dad thing hidden from all of my childhood friends. After we moved to the US, I realized that not having a dad wasn’t that big of a deal, so I started telling people about it.

   The other tough thing was that I always felt like I had to take care of my mom, and that really fucked with my childhood.

6. I did and do have a dad still that I grow up with. But my dad worked soooo much from when I was 0-17, that he just couldn’t be around me as much, cause as soon as he’d get home he would just want to sleep. So the most difficult thing is communication, cause sometimes it just feels weird having my dad around in the house now doing stuff, just feels like a stranger in my home.

7. How to be a man. Period.
   Growing up mainly near woman I’ve kind of got a more softer demeanour than if I had a dad around, I reckon. He left my family when I was like 3 so barely know the fool.

8. My dad was around but not entirely present until recently. I think the biggest thing is being able to do “manly” shit. For example, I don’t really know how to use any power tools and struggle to build anything e.g furniture. This is fairly embarassing to be honest

9. Probably figuring out how to “be a man”. Thankfully I did have a lot of other men in my life that helped set me straight. So it wasn’t too bad imo. Arguably the worst part was growing up in poverty, though I think I still benefitted from that. I can live without things like AC, I know how to budget, and I know how to shop. All among various other things I learned. I also think I benefitted from the fact my father died when I was young rather than being absent due to divorce or not caring about his family. My understanding is that kids who grew up under the later two situations are much more likely to have serious mental health issues. My only problem(s) is that I drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney.

10. A lot. My father was no Saint but he died when I was 10, so I was orphaned then. I spent a lot of my life struggling with who I was because I didn’t have my father there to talk me through anything, all I had were some basic lessons from when I was very young and it’s helped turn me into the stoic, cold hearted person I am today.

11. Overcoming the abuse from my bitch mothers.

12. Struggling through early life with anxiety because I didn’t (subconsciously) understand the concept of love. Life is great now but it took a long time before I learnt how to love myself and other people in a healthy way.

13. I don’t know to be honest, really don’t know.