We’ve dated for almost 8 years now and lived together for 2 years – yes technically we are ready to be married, I know he’s going to propose like really soon, we’ve talked about it often but I still have some reservations. Here are my pros and cons with details.
Pros-
* He loves me a lot, is very caring and takes care of me.
* He basically covers most of our expenses (90%) and I barely spend any of my own money, this has allowed me to quit my job and focus on building my own skincare brand.
* We have good chemistry and intimacy – we hug and kiss often.
* We’re great at running a house together.
Cons-
* We don’t have sex often. I’d say his libido is much lower than mine. When we do have sex its not that great, I end up getting myself off later.
* He doesn’t want kids and while I don’t want them right now – I do want them in the future (5-10 years later). We’ve talked about adopting in the future if I’m too old to have kids but he seems lukewarm about the idea.
* He has a short temper and is rude to me sometimes. Always apologizes after but i feel like he gaslights me.
* He says he cares about fitness but has really let himself go which has made me somewhat less attracted to him. Don’t get me wrong Im still attracted to him but not as much as earlier.
* I’ve moved cross country for him but I miss living near my family, both our families live in the same city and he hates his parents so would never move back.
I think I’m afraid of losing a relationship I’ve spent so much time developing also without the support I’d have to give up on my business which is still in its early stages and get back to the corporate world but it wouldn’t be fair to marry him just because I need him right now, I do still love him but our bedroom issues look pretty bleak, my attraction to him is reducing day by day. I’ve tried experimenting with different kinks but he finds it repulsive or boring. So confused, I need clarity. Break up or continue and work on it?
1 comment
> We don’t have sex often. I’d say his libido is much lower than mine. When we do have sex its not that great, I end up getting myself off later. ¨
Sexual incompatibility is one of the top dealbreakers. When you’ve addressed your bedroom issues, what did he say?
> He doesn’t want kids and while I don’t want them right now – I do want them in the future (5-10 years later). We’ve talked about adopting in the future if I’m too old to have kids but he seems lukewarm about the idea.
So another major dealbreaker.
> He has a short temper and is rude to me sometimes. Always apologizes after but i feel like he gaslights me.
So a huge red flag in addition to the dealbreakers.
> I think I’m afraid of losing a relationship I’ve spent so much time developing also without the support I’d have to give up on my business which is still in its early stages and get back to the corporate world but it wouldn’t be fair to marry him just because I need him right now, I do still love him but our bedroom issues look pretty bleak, my attraction to him is reducing day by day. I’ve tried experimenting with different kinks but he finds it repulsive or boring. So confused, I need clarity. Break up or continue and work on it?
OP, you’re falling for the sunk cost fallacy. This relationship has run its course ages ago, and it sounds like you’re actually considering continue this relationship mainly because your bf financially supports you…. It’s been 8 years…this is who he is.