Advice on what to do with my gf

4 comments

1. You haven’t given us alot to go on but my first thought is that you gotta love yourself!!! Seems like your doubting you more than her.

   Unless she’s done something wrong by you to make you feel this way then in that case she ain’t worth it.

2. These are all feelings you are creating yourself. Enjoy the moment and stop fretting on bad stuff happening or your gonna mess this up.

3. Sounds like you’ve got an anxious attachment style. I would suggest maybe getting a couple of sessions with a therapist to see if you can find a root cause for it.

4. Definitely sounds like an anxious attachment style. I have been working on mine for the last 8 months or so with a therapist. One thing that has worked with me (my boyfriend doesn’t reply quickly or sometimes at all, like if I send a song or an article) is setting up expectations. I was feeling very insecure in our relationship because we were both very busy people and spending time together would be very sporadic, which made me anxious. So we set up one day a week that was our night and that has helped tremendously.

   Another thing that helped is learning to live with my anxiety, it’s always a part of us and a helpful tool to survival when experiencing normal amounts. I acknowledge my anxiety, thank it, then ignore it or at least let it live away from my current thoughts. As soon as I let intrusive thoughts take over my mental space it’s hard to get out of.

   Another way I deal with my anxiety is by communicating with my boyfriend. For example, he has been out of town for work and working 12-14 hour days for the past 2.5 weeks. At one point it was a sporadic text every couple of days and no actual phone conversation for almost a week. I started having anxiety at about day four from our last phone conversation and on day six I communicated with him that I was feeling really anxious and asked if he would call and he did when he got off of work that night.

   Communication is key. Let her know that when you don’t hear from her it is anxiety inducing for you. I used to bottle up how I was feeling and then get upset when someone could not read my mind. They won’t know what, if anything, is wrong unless you don’t speak up. Have reasonable expectations and don’t look to your girlfriend every time you’re feeling anxiety about the relationship, try to find ways to calm the waters of your mind on your own.

   If your girlfriend is not able to support you or give you what you need emotionally while you learn to cope and overcome your anxiety she is not the one for you.