Me and my girlfriend have been together for a few months now and she seems to have a hard time communicating during sex. She does have some history of abuse, and I keep that in mind so I’m constantly checking on her and do my best to keep good communication and make sure she’s always enjoying herself. She says I’m the largest she’s ever had and occasionally it hurts, my beard scratches her when I’m going down on her and in those moments she seems to get instantly annoyed with me as if I hurt her on purpose . She always wants to continue but sometimes I’m instantly turned off by her attitude. The last time, i was fingering her and she said she was still a little sore from our last session so to go a little slower, I take my finger out and she says it hurts and gets annoyed, she still wanted to have sex but I failed to get hard again because I was bothered, I felt like she was angry with me and I just couldn’t stay in the mood. That only made her more angry and she started to insult me because I couldn’t get hard again. I just want to ease her comfort a little more
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Bro. I get your frustrations, I really do, BUT it sounds like she’s just trying to direct you on what feels good. Maybe her past trauma is making it come out in a way she doesn’t mean or even realize, but you can’t take it so personally or you’re never going to be able to satisfy each other.
Have you tried talking to her about it. Like I said maybe she doesn’t even know it’s coming off that way.
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Sit down with her in a non sexual context and tell her everything you said here. It’s fine for her to say what she likes and doesn’t like, but she needs to be mindful of how she comes across because her tone is making you feel bad and not want to continue. It’s a perfectly normal response to lose the mood and withdraw in the face of a partner’s hostility. If she has a problem with that, then you have bigger problems than this.
If she can’t contain her emotions while communicating in bed, she’s immature and you need to move on