I have never had a female friend ever , Therefore i have never had a gf.Im not kidding all my friends that i have ever had was male.Now im in a male dominated area in college and next year is my last year it makes me really depressed.I always thought things will be much different once im in college.
45 comments
Self care, join social clubs and keep trying
Just talk to them like they are normal humans. Obviously there are different social ques and what not but they still just as human as you. Don’t be a simp tho or a asshole and it’s shouldn’t be that hard to get a gf.
If you have never had a female friend ever then you must be treating women differently than you treat men, probably unconsciously. The best thing you can do is separate these two categories: female friends and potential girlfriends. You need to friendzone some girls. Completely foreclose on the possibility of being anything more than friends with every girl you meet from here on out. Just forget about it. Once you stop seeing them in that way, you will start treating them more like your guy friends, which is basically the correct way to treat them (except you don’t have to try to be as macho around them as we often feel we need to be around our dudes). Step 2 once you have a number of female friends around whom you feel very comfortable and like it’s no big deal is to approach *their* female friends. But ask first if they think it’s a good idea, if so-and-so is available or interested, as for their advice. Nobody can help you get girls more effectively than a girl who is sincerely just your friend.
Just talk to a girl randomly, and dont have any expectation about that interaction, just act like you dont care, even if u do. Seriously, just dont expect anything from anyone.
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Is your entire college male or just the places you study at? Because as the old saying says, go where they go. If want women, you need to go places where women hang out.
Think of 5 places that’s outside of your comfort zone where women go at your college or outside of your college. You might have to sacrifice free time with friends too. But you should treat this as a homework assignment that for at least 2 hrs a week, I will go somewhere with women and talk to them.
Hang around guys who are known for getting girls, not the misogynists/jerks or assholes, but the guys who are chill about it . Also school activities where girls are more likely to be, such as theatre or the likes. Parties are a good bet also but I found that you never really find the best women at parties.
Easy, the next time a girl comes up to you , be like hey what’s up, and there you’ve done it
Why do people act like girls are some unique species. Women make more than half the population. They are everywhere. Just get out of your comfort zone and you will find plenty of the fish in the sea.
Talking or hanging out with girls may be a big deal for you. This could be because of the way you frame meeting women and your ego getting in your way.
Begin by breaking it down into small little steps.
Yes it’s true, some girls may find you creepy or rude for randomly talking with them.
It’s also true that some will find you interesting and attractive. Or others will want to be just friends.
You don’t know what will happen until you try.
In any case, wherever and whenever you see a girl and talk with her, you have officially met a girl.
Smile, be nice and friendly during the conversation like you would with any of your male friends. Find out some things about them like what they’re up to, what they like, what hobbies they have and most importantly, share the same things back with them.
Listen to their tone and words. See if they’re smiling back or turning their head around, looking for a way out.
Keep the conversation short. If the person is someone you would like to hangout with another time then ask for their Instagram, Facebook or phone number. Whichever works best for the both of you.
Now you have a friend to hangout with or a date.
Read books or listen to podcasts about body language and conversation. This way you can gauge throughout the interaction how the other person is feeling in the moment.
If you can’t find any women to talk with then look elsewhere. Alternatively, just ask your good male friends how they meet girls and learn with them.
Best of luck and anybody can feel free to ask any questions.
Find men who have women friends. Become friends with them. First, this will introduce you to men who (hopefully) have healthy platonic relationships with women. They will be a good influence for you. They can show you how to engage naturally and genuinely with women. This is important because you need to learn how to be friends with women if you want have successful relationships.
Second, guys who have a group of friends that are mixed gender usually get together decently often and are open to including new people who seem cool, especially in college. Chat with them politely in class. Ask them to hang out with you first and if it goes well, they’ll reciprocate the invitation. Hopefully if things go well, they’ll introduce you to the group and you’ll make even more friends.
Now here’s the most important part, do NOT immediately try to start dating the girls in this new found friend group. Unless one of them shows immediate interest in you, it will get you labeled as the guy who only comes to the friend functions to try and get girls. If that happens, they’ll stop inviting you. Guys don’t like other guys who are just friends with them to get access to their female friends.
You want to become genuine friends with these women. Learn how to be a good friend to them. If you become really good friends, they may suggest setting you up or introducing you to someone. And because you’ll be actual friends with them, you can trust that they’re introducing you to someone that they think could be a good date.
I know my advice will not get you immediate results, but this will help you once you graduate too. After you leave college, meeting people becomes even harder if you don’t put yourself out there. Genuine friendships will open so many doors for you outside of potential romantic relationships.
talk to women with the idea in mind that you only want friendship, if you are always thinking that you have to flirt or get a girlfriend you will only generate anxiety and scare them
OP are there no girls in your classes?
This doesn’t even seem real, like you’ve been to college all those years and never managed to talk to any girl? but it’s not too late, if you never approached any girl, that means that you’ve been putting in work on your self man and that should have made it easy for you now like improving on your confidence, looks, body physique,the bag , all that . But if not try to do that , it’ll help, also try to surround yourself with friends that are good at talking to girls , that can push you to start talking and knowing some of them bro. GOOD LUCK
I’m 26M and have major social anxiety around girls, but how do you guys do it? I just want to have at least one friend girl, I’ve never had one. Every time I see a girl I’m always attracted to them don’t know why also I have a huge porn problem , is that a reason also
It takes a lot of persistent effort and trying. In every recurring place where there are people. My work, local music scene, bars, dating apps, etc have all been sources for me in the past. I’ve been focused on just slowly building relationships with people lately.
Same man i feel you, im heading for my 30s now and it makes me kind of sad that i dont have a memory of a past gf i can look back on , its a part of my life that i can never get back,stay strong
This isn’t a unique situation, even in female dominated environments, women don’t just start activelly engaging with men.
Imagine being a girl, an attractive one, complete strangers already want to have sex with you just by walking near you in the street. So “men” isn’t a valuble commodity, because it isn’t scarce at all. You don’t go out of your way to drink water from every fountain, though there may be pretty cool ones that go unvisited.
You need to start making things happen. Are you good at dancing? I’m not the best, but it has helped me a lot being able to keep up at a party. There are hundreds of videos in youtube, you need daily 10-30 minutes practice in your room for a month or two, or six.
Also, looks do matter. Join a gym or jog a lot, but get in tone, buy new clothes, get a nice haircut, etc.
And just talk to girls about inconsequential stuff at first, ask the time, directions to a store, whatever. I’m sorry, where did you buy those cool shoes? Idk, anything to get you used to interact with girls, because guys tend go fuck up the conversation if they’re too eager. Do it daily as a task, you need to talk to a new girl every day for 2 months, somethinglike that. And not only in school, go to a park, the movies, the mall, etc. Go into it thinking none of them are going to become your girlfriend, just relax and talk.
he-ll-o hu-man fe-male, do you enjoy caffinated beverages?
I do. That’s what a hoo-man would say.
What are your hobbies?
You taking 7-8 classes?! Slow down bro.
I read this somewhere on reddit
“Talk to girls like you’re gay and you won’t have a problem interacting with them”
Works like a charm.
Talk to random women go up to them with confidence but give chill vibes, never expect anything other than a simple friendship but even without that you can just be strangers having a nice convo and part ways
The only way I was ever able to meet and attract women is when I was a DJ at raves and nightclubs in my 20s. A soon as i moved to a new place and wasn’t able to get that kind of work, I wasn’t able to meet women anymore either.
I had a 1-day-stand off Tinder last year, and a 1-weekend-stand from OKC 10 years ago, but that’s about it.
I heard an odd tip years ago about getting used to speaking to people and have passed it on and others claim it worked. Alright, so first look at local meetup and bulletin board sites and facebook groups to see if there are any language practice/discussion groups and see what languages other folks in your area are learning (some of these may still be online because COVID, but that could even be a better start). Then get Duolingo and start learning that language. You don’t have to be great, so when you know a little go ahead and sign up and go to the group.
The reason this is effective for people is that EVERYONE is speaking a second language and is therefore anxious and worried about making mistakes. That takes away the issue of one person being anxious and the other not being. You may be given basic scripts to follow in the target language. People will always talk in their native language between exercises too.
If nothing else, you’ll learn something new, and hopefully meet some people too. Other hobbies also could work this way, but the essential thing that helps here is that everyone is equally nervous about their new language so there’s less pressure overall to appear “normal.”
Stop putting girls on a pedestal. Genuinely connect with them as you would with other people e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
Go to a library and strike up a conversation about a book you might be interested that you notice they’re looking for. Don’t annoy girls when they’re studying or reading but when a girl is looking for a particular book in a section you’re familiar with, just talk to them about anything. Don’t overthink it. Good luck!
Maybe you should clarify: Women or girls?
Download Hindge and make a profile. Go on as many dates as it takes you to become comfortable. You need to be confident and secure in yourself, impress them with your engineering knowledge. Women like smart guys
Hi (woman here)!
I am seeing a lot of interesting advice in these comments lol some very valid, some a little sketchy…
However yes – personality and giving your respect will get you further than looks, compliments are great, joining clubs/teams with both genders – all a great advice.
Adding to this – when giving compliments try to aim for something you genuinely like about them ! Saying “nice top” sounds generic/like a line. Hearing “Wow that gold jewelry really compliments your complexion!” Would draw me in.
also – I know men get told all things that are feminine are bad, but invest in getting to know what women like! Crafting, plants, fashion, skincare/makeup, woman’s rights, etc. this can give you more respect for what we enjoy doing, put you in spaces that we hangout and bring ideas of what to compliment!
When going to these new clubs or teams be sure that it is something that interests you too. We have been bamboozled by guys who say they like something then get into a relationship just to find out they don’t in fact like the thing. It’s not a great start.
When in a conversation- listen to her (sounds simple) and if someone interrupts her (they always do) make sure you pull the conversation back to her. One time I was interrupted in a conversation and a man said “hold up – she was speaking, please continue” – he gave me his respect and demanded the rest of the group did the same and let me tell you – he had my attention.
Don’t lose yourself finding your person, show her and others you respect her, and think outside the box for compliments.
You got this!!
just dont try to date just yet,you have to create a real friendship first,4 or 5 months should be enough for u to try and not be awkward,it worked for me,just treat them like you treat your male friends
I’d try taking a class (either with or outside of your school) that is mostly female. French classes are great for this. Other options could be dance, yoga, art, womens studies, etc. But don’t go with the goal of finding a partner. Immerse yourself in the world of women, be respectful, warm and friendly without being ‘interested’ in any particular person. It’s a great experience to just be comfortable around women. Once you feel more comfortable, try saying hello to women at a D&D club, bookshop, convention, concert, poetry night or anything that is even mildly within your area of interest. And just treat us ladies like people and not potential partners until you feel comfortable with someone. If something happens, something happens.
Aww honey i am here don’t be sad😘🤣.
Jk 😁
Well it’s so simple , just talk to random females and the friendship will grow if that’s possible or there are common interests, and females are everywhere 😬see? Just like now.
Honestly, if your focus begins with meeting women, then I’m confident you already know you need to be in places where there are women. If you think it would be weird and creepy to talk to women in these places, then do things which would more naturally invite conversations with women.
I’ve done many hobbies in my life, and there are a handful that have forced me to become friends with women which include, Rollerskating, Tennis, Anime conventions, Track & Field, and Roof climbing.
Find a hobby you’re interested in, and get out there. You’re still on campus, so **utilize the clubs**. You have one last year. There’s so many clubs which are always multigendered. Example, I’ve made life long friends from the Ski & Snowboard club and I joined that after I graduated because I realized my school ID remains in the system indefinitely, they don’t double check if you’re actively going to classes 😂.
Don’t expect things to just come to you, or as another poster stated more eloquently, don’t even assume the results. You must place yourself in position to receive gifts. And think of communication with others as a gift. Imagine your body language when confidently recieveing a gift. Open, curious, and welcoming. That matters too, because you can be surrounded by people and not have a single person feel comfortable talking to you simply because your body language.
The little things add up. You can use my subreddit to keep yourself accountable with a log for your progress at r/Illdosomethingtoday .
One year to make your dream come true is definitely do-able. If you need more clarity on what to do, hit me up in the DMs and we’ll schedule a video call.
I’m willing to support you if you’re ready to help yourself.
Either that, or just admit you want something, but not the effort to achieve it yet. Be honest with what you’re ready to do, and be kind about it. It’s alright if you want something, but aren’t ready to break your comfort zones to achieve it. Nurturing is the strongest route to progression, because eventually you will be ready. You have your entire life to prepare.
Good luck.
Ty for good advice xD
I’ve also never had a female friend, lots of girlfriends though.
Men and women are.very rarely actually friends.
Just be their friend , look at them from the chin up and you will be good. Love is patient, kind and _____
Brother, it’s easy. Just work out, get a little fit and start hitting up bars. San Diego has got to be the easiest city to get girls. ( no offense to all the ladies out there. I love you all ❤️)
I want to be supportive but I’m a bit blown away. How can you not have had a female friend ever? Just speak to everybody, treat girls normally and not make everything sexual – boom you’ll have female friends
do you only want female friends?
its pretty easy in that case. Just think of them as the exact same people as your male friends. Say the same things you’d say, do they same things you’d do and show the same respect you’d show. Except be mindful of physical boundaries of course. You’ll have no trouble in making female friends. I had a lot of female friends in school. Although now there’s very few cause i am not around women that often, it’ll never be a zero if you try.
now do you want more than friends?
I have no idea honestly. I am a failure at that.
An advice I read, was intended for woman but I guess you could try:
In a pub with a couple of friends, go to the bar with you jacket and when comes the time of picking up your beer, you’ll realize that “you have only two hands”. Then, politely ask for help to a girl nearby, ask her if she could handle your jacket while you’ll take the beers back to your table. When you’ll come back, you can thank her and ask something like “how’s your evening going?”
In this way you’re not approaching her out of the blue and you’re just being polite after she did you a favor.
If she’s interested she’ll engage in the conversation, if not, you’ll just been polite and after a couple of sentences you’ll come back to your table.
(Pardon my English)
1.) Consider them women, not females.
2.) Find something to do that isn’t dominated by men, go volenteer, join a meetup group that sounds interesting.
3.) Make new friends.
If you want it fast, use tinder. Meet girls there, get used to girls existing. Date them, be friends with them, etc.
Once you’re used to it, take it up a notch, go to University parties. Meet random girls there by asking who invited them, get to know them, get the number, be friends with them.
This isn’t going to happen overnight. It will likely take you at least 6 months to 1 year to be comfortable talking to women and having at least 1 female friend you’re comfortable with.
I recommend simply concentrating on developing your talent and gifts at this point in your life and once you are comfortable in your own skin, you will meet the right group of friends.
If you truly enjoy playing the guitar, practice outdoors and let the people come to you. Make eye contact and a little nod when people pass by. No need to chat. If you are a decent guitarist, look for open mic nights and sign up to play.
Three “bar friendly” activities to learn to play: pool, darts and ping pong. Look for places where these are offered and participate. You don’t need to be great at it just decent and always play at your level.
It’s okay to be a late bloomer…the best times of your life are yet to come.
Things are different when you make them different. Soft criticism: you should have noticed in your first year of college that you weren’t befriending women, and changed your strategy up.
**The lesson:** *SEE* something, then *ACT* on it.
If you want to meet more girls, chances are, you need to meet more guys. You’re probably not meeting people in general. The fact that you’re on Reddit furthers this idea.
Go outside, and do stuff in the real world. There are all sorts of people out there. More crowded areas (like concerts, plazas, theme parks, etc) will have WAY more people, and thus girls to meet as well. Plus, with more people, you can pick and choose who *in particular* you want to talk to. TIP: It’s easier to talk to people closer to your age that have similar interests. It’s best to go to locations **centered** on your interests. Like reading? Go to a book store. Everyone there has at least that one hobby in common with you. Like cooking? Take a culinary course. You get the idea.
If you’re mentally resisting the idea of going and doing things, then let me ask you this: what girl would want to date you if you never go outside or do anything fun/interesting? Moreover, do you really think you’re as happy as you could be when you’re not really out there in the world, really living?