I’m 19/M and I’ve been single for as long as I can remember of my miserable life. I recently stopped talking to this girl who I thought I had a connection with and I thought the talking stage was going great. It was going great at first but then it went downhill from there. It turns out she didn’t want anything serious with me. This girl was unexpected, before her I had moved on from this girl I liked and a month later she came along unexpectedly. I thought since it was unexpected maybe it would last for a long time? Maybe, she’s the one for me? But nope. She stopped talking to me because she didn’t want anything serious with me. Every time I see happy couples, anything related to love on my social media feed makes me fucking depressed and sick to my stomach, it makes me want to crawl into my bed and just cry all day. It triggers my depression. I can’t hangout with friends because I don’t have any, I can’t text/call anyone because I don’t have anyone to text/call. The only person I texted/called was the girl I was talking to. I feel a sense of loneliness mentally and physically. Every little thing I see on social media reminds me of her. It reminds me of all of the things I would do with her, and it makes me sad and depressed. I don’t know how to get her out of my mind because it’s driving me insane and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind anytime soon. For the past two weeks I’ve been fucking depressed and sad because of this. At this point I’m thinking on ending it all one day for this pain to go away once and for all. All I keep having are suicidal thoughts.

48 comments

  1. Please, please seek some professional help. In the mean time, delete social media. It’s borderline toxic for the most mentally stable of us. I’ve had times where I deleted both social media and dating apps, and those periods were very helpful to connect with what truly made me happy.

  3. your life just started. relax! and reduce your social media consumption, if it makes you feel bad.

  5. You are so young and have so much life to live. So many great and unexpected things will come your way. I can say this because it’s so true.
    There is a season for all things, good things are coming.
    Think about the things you enjoy doing, then seek these things out, you will meet people who are like you, make friends and maybe even lovers.
    Therapy is always a good idea. Talking to someone, getting our feelings out.
    Much love my friend-

  6. Keep in mind that nobody wants to present the bad times they have all over social media lol. Of course everyone’s lives look perfect when they only post the good parts. When I got into my mid 20s I started to care less about what other people posted on social media

  7. 19? Try 25 with a good career, Tesla and a new house coming up!

    It hurts but we move on.

  8. Its social media. Everyone wants to make their life seem better and like they got it all together. I dated this guy for a year before I realized the only reason we where dating was because I didn’t want to seem lonely. We posted all the cute and happy looking pictures and messages. Also the media picks up on our likes and sends more of those iteams our way. After you stop talking to someone you get a ton of love quotes that just seem to fit your story… then make some sad ones to go along with them. It would get anyone feeling bad about themselves. My advice as some who struggles with depression and what it becoming the dating game is to find what makes you happy. I go to my favorite books and or tv show. Try to take evening walks when its nice out. Lastly jump off social media for a week. Upload a game or book on your phone. So when you normally go to jump on media thats whats in its place. I wish you good luck on finding the right person, because its not an easy task.

  11. I relate to this so much, I’m also 19 years old but I’m a girl and been single my whole life. No guy has ever shown interest in me, had crushes, anything. I have no friends cause I’ve been majorly depressed for the past 5 years and have been unable to socialize cuz of anxiety. I don’t know what to do from here, just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

  12. First, yes please get some therapy cause it will help you for sure 😊
    Second, you have to change the way you look at things and think that a very low percentage of those couples you see on social media is truly happy. There are thousands of new posts on reddit of people complaining about cheating, not trusting their partner, not having any feelings for their partner, breaking the trust of their partner, and even being drugged or raped by their partner, etc

  13. Delete toxic social media. I don’t have any social media and I’m more than content alone.

  14. This is one of the multitude of reasons I quit using social media other than LinkedIn and some reddit subs I browse occasionally.

  17. “I’m 19 and I’ve been single for 19 years”
    Like who did you expect to be getting with as a baby?
    You will find someone.. don’t worry! Maybe take a break from social media.

  22. Please don’t hate yourself over this. I promise you that it will get better and easier. If social media makes you depressed you should delete your social media if it’s not helping you. Consider taking up a hobby that gets you out of the house like going to the gym, not only will it help get your mind off it but improvement is always good. If you have suicidal thoughts, or are thinking of harming yourself you need to seek some professional help. It doesn’t feel like it, and I don’t know your own personal circumstances but there are people out there who care about you.

  23. Take a step back , this girl may have not been the right one but there will be other chances you have so much time relationships can be great when you choose with purpose and not “your great for right now even if we don’t want the same things” so this is a blessing really …you want similar expectations for a relationship and you should establish that right away.
    Don’t seclude yourself either go out to that coffee shop, bookstore,arcade, movies or anything even by yourself

    Please see if there is some resources for yourself to talk to someone… I hope you take a breathe and I hope positive things happen for you

  24. Dude I’m the same like you. But I go to gym and I got pets (birds, cats and dogs). These helps me a lot. I don’t feel urge to have a girl. Get pet and gym membership.

  25. There are so many happy looking couples on social media that have bad, unhealthy relationships in reality.

  27. I live right next to the couples spot downtown. What gives me hope is knowing that one day I’ll be standing there with my partner. Until then I have to become someone that deserves her and that she would also want to stand next to.

  29. Don’t believe everything you see online. I’m a girl and never been in a serious relationship either. And I’m 24! Take it from me- until a few months pass by and things start getting serious, don’t put too much faith into one person. I’ve done that with guys and lately I’ve been getting so disappointed.

    I was also in the same boat as you when it came to being suicidal. I thought no one loved me, I was worthy of nothing and that I was never going to be happy. It was at its worst when I was in my later teens, just like you. It took years of me working on myself and surrounding myself with people who actually gave a fuck about me to be in a good place. I went out to a club the other night with friends and had plenty of guys hitting on me and asking to buy me a drink. I still don’t have a bf but I guess that’s just not in the books for me right now, and that’s okay.

    My recommendations: go to the gym, join a club (could be a local surf club or a sports team, literally anything), sign up for charity work (I know multiple people that met their spouses from doing charity and they’re all good ppl), and just focus on YOU. I don’t know who this girl is but there’s no way she’s worth all this. Never put someone on a pedestal higher than your own.

    The only way to move on in life and be happy is if you meet more ppl and open yourself to new experiences. Once you meet other girls- which you WILL- you’ll be in a better place.

    Good luck!🙏🏻

  30. When I was 19 I was whining about the same thing to my 24 coworker. She said when you’re my age you will really give up. Now I am her age, and we are both still single LOL

  31. Honestly I wouldn’t worry too much. You’re 19, your brain is still developing. When you get older you’re going to look back and realize that you were worked up over nothing.

    I was in a similar situation back in the day. Even though I’m still single, I almost glad I didn’t get into a relationship so early in life. Your early 20s is all about uncertainty, you don’t know what you want to do for your career and where you want to live. Not many relationships I know have survived through those rocky times.

    As you grow older, you’ll start to care less about what others think of you. You start to realize that life isn’t a race. I will admit pain and jealousy never truly goes away but it does get better.

    I’d suggest keeping yourself busy in the meantime and improving yourself as a person. I focused lots on my hobbies and household chores to get me through hard times. Everyday I aim to do one productive thing outside of my job or school. You will also build lots of confidence by developing any sort of skill.

  32. You’re young, you haven’t lived much of a life yet to have been single long. Wait until you’re middle aged and you’ll see the possibilities unfortunately. Don’t waste your time on social media. Get out and explore the world, stay active and participate in hobbies or extracurricular activities. If you don’t have any challenge yourself to adopt some new ones. It’s the best way to meet me people and to make new friends and to meet possible women to date.

  33. I dated my first girl, got my first kiss, and lost my v-card all while I was 19. Chill a little man. It’s all good.

  34. Stop consuming stupid content, it makes you even more stupid and makes you feel stupid!

    You are 19, there are way more important things in life that you want to work on than getting a gf.

    Work on your career, mental health and fitness. Get a hobby or learn a new language or educate yourself on interesting topics that you wanted to know more about.

    A girlfriend will eventually come.

    Funny enough, I was in that situation too. I decided to follow this advice and I am very happy I did it. Except, i didnt learn a new language which I regret not doing.

  35. Start doing something productive or get a job maybe! Or learn something! Work on yourself and eventually you will find someone!

  36. You are 19 years *young* my friend, the world is your oyster. If you are depressed over this, you have to ask yourself what *actionable steps* can you take to improve your life and address the reasons that you are depressed. How can you improve your physical appearance and social skills, what avenues can you explore to make friends, what can you do to put yourself on track for a successful career, and you need to seek treatment for your mental health as well.

    You should read killyourinnerloser’s website. His situation reminds me a lot of yours.

  38. I used to get sad at these posts. All my friends are in relationships. Gets even worse in your 30’s. Some unwritten rule as women in society we need a man to feel whole. You don’t need a man baby girl, live your best life and the right man will find you. I wish I woulda realized this earlier instead of trying so hard to find a relationship and making myself miserable in the process.

  39. Focus on yourself bro. I’m 20 and was in the same boat. Start hitting the gym, focus on your diet, go outside and get some sun everyday. Occupy yourself with things that help you improve as a person, physically and mentally. Go pick up an instrument and start learning it! We are so young man! We have a lot left to experience in life, don’t let this experience be the end all be all for you.

    Life has a way of beating us up, but in the end you only come out tougher…. don’t let life kick you around like dirt. You are your own man, start making smart decisions now so you can achieve your goals in the future. This girl is not your life, as you can see. She will go on about hers and you will go about yours, its the harsh reality. What you need is a purpose. A man with no purpose makes women his purpose, and when he doesn’t get what he wants, he is lost.

    So find something you love doing, whether its hitting the gym and working on your physique, playing an instrument, or whatever it is…. it will help give you goals you can set for yourself, so you can be the best man you can be.

    A man needs to have self respect and confidence in himself. So whats the point on dwelling over one person? You haven’t met the other millions of women who you have a chance at falling in love with.

    Keep your head up king 👑

  40. >I don’t know how to get her out of my mind because it’s driving me insane and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind anytime soon.

    I’m in the exact same situation as you. However, I haven’t talked to ***anyone***. I only talk to my family members and I feel like I will go crazy if I don’t make friends. Seeing all of these couples on social media also makes me feel exactly as you do; to stay in my bed and keep on scrolling. It’s really destroying me but I always push myself to focus on my goals/hobbies because that’s all I have going for me.

    Now, I am pretty optimistic. I know that I will do fine even though I am not the best looking guy or tall for that matter.

    I’m on this sub-reddit to see if I can maybe find a solution for myself but I wish you the best. Just know that you aren’t alone! It’s all a matter of time. Occupy yourself with other, better things. Trust me.

    Edit: I’m a year older than you. Just for context.

  41. I’m 24 and haven’t been on a single date. Never had a girlfriend or anything like that.

  42. Man up.

    Set some goals for yourself, for bulidng yourself as a person and your future, career etc. Don’t focus on girls as it’s most important thing you need. It’s not!

    I guess you are asking if girls like you. If they want to be with you while you don’t make any moves on them to kiss, have sex etc. If it’s the case it’s wrong. You meet with girls, make out with them, not ask them to be your gf.

    When you get your life togheter it will be easier to get some girls.

    Heal your depression, i hope you are working on it with specialist, make some idea for your life and what you want work towards. When you have basics or at least set foot on right road go for girls as nice addition not something that is your life foundation.

  43. Social media is both toxic and fake. Apart from a small minority everyone posting on it are posting “their best life”. This is positive and likely out of context. A lot of keeping up with the Joneses… people reacting to what other “friends” have posted with their own, trying to outdo them.

    *A nice cute couple photo?* Chances are it was posted during a fight or argument, or during a breakup.

    Just take time away from social media. If you are not one of these people to actively contribute on social media, honestly you don’t need it at all in your life… there is absolutely no benefit to it.

  44. Get off social media. Don’t use the apps. Live your life. Find your mate.

    Just push through man. What you’re seeing is a fabrication of life.

    Here’s a fun science fact. Couples that never fight do not have the longevity of couples that bicker all the time. Think about that for a second.

  45. You’re…19. I hadn’t dated anyone at 19.

    You need friends and to address the misery in your life. A girlfriend isn’t a bandaid to your unhappiness and lack of social life.

  46. This is the best but hardest advice I can give you. As someone a bit older than you, turn the tables and make it so that your happy for those around you in relationships. Believe me happiness is addictive and when people/women see that on you it will change the way they see you and will attract them. The majority of people seem to be seeking happiness and if you have it they will want it and want to be around it. Cheers friend, stay positive! This is the way✊

  47. I’m sorry you are feeling lonely but remember that it is much lonelier being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you!
    It’s ok to grieve the loss of the relationship you hoped for, but don’t get stuck in it. There are other people out there and also other things that make life meaningful.

  48. I had a lot of these same issues around that age. I used to get into a habit of meeting someone, finding them pleasant to talk to, then constantly wanting to talk to/be around them. This isn’t inherently bad… but it’s a lot of pressure for the other person, especially if they found you interesting when you were at a 2/10 energy-wise, and now you’re suddenly at a 10/10 expecting them to manage your emotions and they weren’t prepared for and may not want that responsibility.

    My advice is to put yourself out there, with the intent of finding a fulfilling social life outside your current love interest for a couple reasons:

    1. A fulfilling social life makes not having your “person” a whole hell of a lot easier to deal with. Joining groups revolving around hobbies you’re interested in is a great way to spend time with people with similar interests, and developing close friendships with those people can take a lot of the burden off the person you’re pursuing. Having close friendships can also ease the burden you’re putting on yourself, because a close circle is a great way to make sure your social needs are met and that the person you’re dating is a nice addition to your life… not the sole purpose of it right off the bat. More on this later. Plus, having no social circle *at all* is kind of a red flag
    2. Hobbies, interests, and passions make you more interesting. That can make the talking stage a whole lot smoother and more interesting. It gives you things to talk about that isn’t just “how’s your day?” (which can get *boring as hell* if that’s the only thing you talk about day in and day out), it gives you the ability to go take people to do stuff which can be a great icebreaker when meeting someone new, and it gives you something to do in your free time that isn’t overthinking why someone isn’t texting you back so you don’t look clingy and desperate, which can absolutely drive people away.
    3. Having the person you’re interested in being the sum total of your social life or expecting them to make you the most important part of theirs from the get-go is an unfair burden to put on someone. I’m not saying that *is* your expectation, just that the other person may feel like that’s what was expected of them. It can make the person in question feel like if their every spare thought isn’t spent on you, if their every moment isn’t spent catering to your needs, they aren’t putting as much into things as you should be. That’s… a great way to alienate someone, unfortunately, either because they feel bad or because they don’t *want* to be the sum total of your life and have you be the most important part of theirs, especially before you’re in a relationship together. Like, if they feel expected to cater to your wants or needs 24/7 when you’re feeling each other out to see if you *want* a relationship with each other, what happens when you’re officially together? Like, where do you even go from there?

    Honestly, the key to a well-rounded dating life is… a well-rounded regular life. The best advice I ever got was to see dating as a way to invite someone into your life, not a way to transform them into being the basis of it

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