Most people in my batch… don’t really think highly of me, and it makes me shiver. There’s a bit of distance with everyone because to everyone, I was the indisputable Top 1. The “too serious and boring top 1”.
I shiver thinking of how I interacted with my classmates back then. I was super serious, like dead serious and only thinking about school every second of the day. You can be sure that I’m a killjoy as well, like not allowing eating inside the classroom, always nagging people to pay the class fund (I was also the treasurer), and always dictating that we should practice for performances every single chance we can get, which led to a lot of resentment especially from the boys and from the irresponsible.
Even the ones who were responsible also felt irked by my nagging and seriousness.
… I also used to think of my classmates as having no worth, especially the ones who failed and are unruly.
I shiver whenever I think of how I acted before, and with being an absent and failure student the past two years, as in ghosting everyone and never helping in projects.
I really want to be a normal student this time around… I want to be able to comfortably talk with everyone and get an acquaintanceship with everyone. All my friends are more sociable and less serious than I was, and I’m always boggled that they’re part of the social network and share news and gossip to each other, except me. That is quite painful since… it basically almost means I’m not part of my class, my batch, my school, despite staying in the same school throughout my whole life.
I wonder how I can change, and what I should do to show everyone I’m not the same serious top student I was before.
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Fake it till you make it. Sounds like you already know who you want to be, now go be