Me (20m) and my GF (18f) have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months but have known eachother for over a year. We get along great and have a lot in common. However, I’m very insecure about her new guy friend.
She met this guy at a concert about a month ago and they have messaged a bit since then. One day I asked her what she was up to and she said she was swimming with her friend. And told me about this guy friend for the first time. She didn’t tell me anything about him until they were swimming together. So I got upset about it and she apologized and said she didn’t realize it was a big deal. I forgave her and told her I don’t mind her having guy friends but she should tell me about them and ask me before going out with them.
The next day I asked her when the last time they texted since they met was. And she said she was texting him as we were speaking. This really got under my skin and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her talking to this guy all the time when I don’t even know him. She got upset back and told me to respect her friends. After a few hours of back and forth I told her I don’t mind if she’s friends with him but I want her to tell me when they text and to not make anymore plans with him without at least telling me before hand. This was fine with her.
The next day (today) I ask her about if she had texted him today and she said she had a little. And that she had sent him a photo of her. I didn’t question that at the time. But now I’m curious what he said about her photo. I asked her to show me what he said about the photo. She is asleep though and hasn’t responded yet. Is that overstepping her boundaries? Should I even be paranoid and worried in the first place? Should I just let it go or express to her that he makes me really uncomfortable and that I would feel better if she stop talking to him?
TLDR; girlfriend appears with new guy friend and it makes me really uncomfortable.
2 comments
That’s tough and your age and distance doesn’t help. You gotta play it cooler or you’ll push her right into him as some sort of forbidden fruit. You never mentioned how often you see her, but honestly would be rare to make it. He obviously wants to be more than friends, but heaven forbid you announce it. If you think she’s the one, don’t scorch earth it, but you may have to be willing to play the long game. Best of luck.
There is always two things to remember in LDR.
The first and most important one is Trust. Without it you may as well not be in a relationship.
The second thing to remember is that he is there, you are not. If he has an interest in your gf he will pull out all the stops to get with her and there is not a thing you can do except rely on first point.
From what you are saying here, whilst you have trust in her you don’t have trust in him and this is the problem with any LDR. You are not there and anything you do to try and control the situation from a distance WILL be seen as just that – you being controlling.
So you either have to trust her, or not trust her. Doing what you have done sends a clear signal to her that you do not actually trust her. She is an adult and fully capable of recognising and understanding boundaries. You choosing to remote enforce them will have the opposite effect to what you desire and in situations like this all it shows is that you are trying to call the shots in her life and she will rebel against it.
So do you trust her or not? If you trust her then wish her to have a great time and let her fill you in on the details. If you do not trust her then LDR are not for you.