My boyfriend (Jason ) (19) and I (18) have been dating for 9 months and we’ve been having sex for 7 months.
Jason had a problem with being too blunt or mixing up words. Sometimes he says things the wrong way and it not coming out the way he means.
The relationship and sex has been great.
But I’m very inexperienced, as I only had sex with 2 people, and only had sex a handful of times before him. I’ve never even gave head, or received it . The sex was basic, and vanilla.
On the other hand Jason is very experienced. He has slept with 8 people before me and has had countless experiences. He would go to parties frequently and usually would get some action there , whether it’s head or actually sex. He’s taught me a lot and he’s helped me find what I’m really into.
He is a very intensive lover. Im still getting comfortable doing some things.
He never really pressed for me to do anything, except giving him head. Head is one of his turn ons. He loves getting head.
But I was always uncomfortable giving head. And he’s respected that, but he would ask for me to give him head a lot.
I just recently wanted to try it so yesterday I gave him head for the first time in our relationship.
I made a joke about him going almost a year without head,
He then said “I’m nicer than most guys , they would of left by now”
That took me by surprise because he was completely serious.
I asked him is ” would you of broken up with me if it got to a year and I hadn’t given you head.”
He explained that he didn’t know but he would of gotten a little upset at the fact that he was willing to please me in every way, but I wasn’t willing to do the same.
I’ve been dry to him since, when he asked what was wrong at dinner
I said ” I didn’t like the idea that we might of broken up if I didn’t give you head .”
He told me “that’s not what I meant, I would of stayed with you no matter if you did or not but it would of just upset me”
I haven’t talked to him since.
Will guys actually end things over not getting head?
11 comments
It’s not at all unusual for a lack of oral sex to be a deal breaker in relationships, for men and women.
>but I wasn’t willing to do the same.
Precisely, why does this surprise you?
People will end relationships because their sex life isn’t enjoyable enough to them to stay. If tou are uncomfortable with head, discuss it more with him. They are guys thag dont like head. Sometimes these things take time to get comfortable with doing something you may have had a different opinion about. If yall havent had discussions about WHY you dont like giving head/receiving and if its very important to him. Then yall should have a deep and understanding conversation about this topic.
At 19 I’d probably would have moved on.
Now at 31, prob not.
Yea he’s somewhat right. He approached it like an asshole tho. But yea most dudes aren’t gonna wait that long to get head/sex. Some might. But usually those that will wait that long don’t have much of a sex drive in my respectful opinion or don’t place as much emphasis on sex in a relationship.
You need to decide if you have matching libidos. If it’s dramatically different chances are the relationship is doomed to fail. Being inexperienced is not the issue here if the libido is there so to speak.
If it is, then I would ask your boyfriend to approach asking you for head more respectfully or in a manner that will make you want to give it to him. And yea dont make any more lack of sex jokes even if it was in good fun. I wouldn’t have liked that either. I have a very high sex drive lol
Sounds like you two need to communicate with each other. Best of luck
Yep
If I am having other kinds of sex, and I would be really into her, then I would not have left.
Does he go down on you?
One gf said she never gave head, but since I liked going down on her, she started to.
I mean if you make everyone wait I don’t see what the problem is. If you made him wait when others got it fast then yeah I get it. He needs to calm down and have a talk
He probably could have handled this more tactfully, but considering he was following up on what was likely an inadvisable joke what he said was not surprising in the least.
There is nothing wrong with having boundaries around specific acts, but these decisions tend to have some consequences. If blowjobs are off the menu, that means a key act of foreplay is no longer in the mix. It raises the question of whether or not something else will take its place, or does this mean there will be less foreplay for him overall? This can translate into some major sexual incompatibilities if it results in pleasure outside of PIV being too much of a one way street.
Guy here,
Over not getting head? No. I don’t believe guys would end things solely over that. No sexual activity whatsoever in months? That depends on the person and how important they feel sex is.
Do I believe sex is about compromises and it’s a give and take through communication ? Yes.
There was another redditor who posted on the topic of oral sex and that she did not like giving oral sex because it’s not her thing and that she didn’t like the taste of cum. However she enjoyed receiving it. When she expressed that to her SO he said that he would stop giving her oral despite the fact that he enjoyed it because he felt she was being a little unfair.
I am not trying to start a heated debate and it’s open for interpretation but most People who responded agreed that setting a boundary if fine but how can she expect to receive the very thing she was not willing to do herself ? Some suggested compromises such as “ if you don’t like the taste then don’t finish him to completion and have him let you know he’s about to climax so you can take it out of your mouth”.
Now , if your bf is constantly rough with you during oral sex and he makes you feel uncomfortable and he doesn’t listen to your cues then you have every right to be apprehensive when performing it on him up to not doing it at all.
In this context however I don’t blame you for feeling a little offended from his comment. OP you mentioned that everything has been great and for him to stake your relationship as a whole over a blow job wasn’t cool.
I don’t want to judge him too harshly because I don’t know him , but as you stated, you mentioned he’s blunt with words and his message can come out the wrong way. I genuinely believe that he cares about you and you just need to tell him to think a little more carefully when choosing his words. Because what he said offended you when you are so much more than that.
I hope this helps OP.
I don’t see anything wrong with his message. He could have not said any of that (because this info doesn’t really help anyone), and could have delivered it in a much more tactful way.
Anyone is allowed to leave anyone for any reason. Sexual incompatibility is a valid reason.
As a 30 yo woman, hell yeah I’d leave someone who doesn’t give head. When I was 18/19? It’s more tricky because people are still developing their sexuality at that age, and you cannot force growth. But it is valid to want someone who is on a similar stage as you.
He’s not wrong. I would’ve left.