Helping Someone Who’s Grieving But Also Cagey

Hello folks.

I have a close friend who’s dealing with a significant amount of grief and loss right now. A family member of theirs has passed, and I’ve never seen them so sad.

We are very close, known each other our whole lives, and I want to be able to be there to comfort him. Help him out in some way.

Unfortunately, I don’t really know how to do this. On the one hand, he is very uncomfortable with emotional intimacy, and I’ve had him snap at me before for even asking if something’s wrong, or if he needs help.

On the other hand, I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone, or like I’m not there for him when he needs it. We have had talks before about how he feels like I’m emotionally distant and don’t offer much help during his emotional turmoil.

I want to be there for him how I can, but I’m really not sure how, when he feels like too far and too close are both bad things. I’m sure there’s a kind of sweet spot I could step into to help him in these difficult times, but I’m not sure how to inch there or how to recognize where that is.

How can I help out this mans who I want so badly to help out, but is just so prickly when it comes to emotional support?