I recently met up with a guy I matched with on a dating app. I’m 32 (f) and he’s 27 (m). This is the first time I’ve considered a guy who is considerably younger than me.. but he has a good job and his own house, etc.
We hung out 4 times in 1 week. The first 3 times we went out to dinner and the last time he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and order delivery. I agreed and he ended up basically inviting himself over – he said he would “be over in an hour” which I found a bit odd considering he’s the one who asked me. This was the first thing that made me uncomfortable. We watched a few movies and at the end, he said he wanted to “tuck me into bed.” I told him no that’s okay. He was pretty insistent and asked a few more times and even said “let’s go” pointing to my room. This made me super uncomfortable. Yes I’ve had a few dates with him but I’ve only known him a week at this point. I wasn’t ready to be sexual.
Over the span of the next few days he asked me to hang out and wanted to bring me food, etc. I declined. My last straw was when he got drunk at a BBQ and said I might have to pick him up. I told him that he should have a friend drive him home. He then decided to drive home drunk and said “well if you would’ve picked me up I wouldn’t have had to drive.” He also told me he “missed me a lot and is afraid to tell me how much because it would sound scary.” We haven’t seen each other in like 4 days.
Should I tell him he’s being too much or should I just cut it off? I’m sometimes jaded by my own trauma that I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic.
41 comments
I can smell the red flags. Yes, he was being way too pushy, not a good sign at all. Good on you for distancing yourself
Cut it off. This is absurd.
>He then decided to drive home drunk and said “well if you would’ve picked me up I wouldn’t have had to drive.”
No the expert on red flags, but this is definitely a statement that would make me…run.
Now, at some point i was also on the immature side and took a couple of women to give me a nice talk to wake the hell up as they say; so if you think he is worth saving, maybe you can tell him straight up what you think—he is being pushy and also immature (can’t think of a better word), by blaming you for his drunk driving; otherwise, move on.
All this in two weeks? And you’re tolerant of it? Good on you.
> “well if you would’ve picked me up I wouldn’t have had to drive.”
WTF? Yes. You need to cut him off.
Move on, he’s already trying to use emotional blackmail, it will only get worse from here and trust me,, I’ve been on both ends of this (Yes im ok now) so he won’t get any better from hereon.
Yes way too pushy and a massive red flag.
Doesn’t have a sense of accountability, and is extremely pushy.
Tell him this isn’t going to work out and to please not contact you again and block.
Trust those alarm bells going off in your head. They are going off that loud for very good reason.
Blaming someone else for your own actions is incredibly childish.
“WELL IF YOU DIDNT DO X THEN I WOULDNT HAVE DONE Y”
Yeah…no…absolutely not.
You can expect to be blamed for ridiculous things in the future, credit where its due though…this guy def isnt hiding his toxicity. Now its up to you to see it and leave with quickness.
“… should I just cut it off?”
– YAHTZEE
Just by reading this, this guy sounds a bit too immature for your taste. It’s not going to get better.
So you criteria for dating younger is their job and house?
Creepy vibes for sure.
When people declare crazy feelings after only a short period of time, chances are they are a bit loco.
Run and never look back on this one.
Forget him. He already has a ton of red flags and you barely know him lol. He’s extremely immature.
If all you take from this is that he drove drunk then that is enough. He risked the lives of others, please walk away from him
There are a lot of red flags here for classic abusive behavior. I would definitely walk away now before things get worse.
Walk away from this shitbag
First of all… why would you invite someone that you have only met 4 a week ago? Safety first.
Second…. This is why you don’t date someone younger than you.
Lesson learned!! Next.
If you were to carry on – Think of how often stuff like that BBQ might happen in the future, and whether you’re happy to be blamed for a grown man’s poor decisions on a day to day basis.
I’d dump that sack of potatoes over the side of a bridge; it’s that rotten.
I think he’ll debate any kind way to tell him to take a hike, so be ready to be blunt and block. Or just ghost. This guy is way too obtuse to figure out what he’s done wrong.
run for your life
Run girl, run!
The least jaded person I know would agree when I say, run and don’t look back.
Love bombing and manipulation.
Put this in the “Thankfully he let me know he was a jerk in the first week” category.
Just say you aren’t into him and then cut it off. Short and simple. I think people are owed at least that.
RUN AWAY
This is precisely the reason it’s called dating. To see if we’re compatible. Cut him off without a second thought.
Cut it off, he’s a walking talking red flag
Yea huge red flags from this one. Just tell him you’re not into it anymore and block him. Just too bad he knows where you live :/
Waaaay too pushy. And the controlling guilt tripping is just icing on the sh*t cake.
If he’s doing such things after such short time then I think it’s better not find out what he’s gonna do later. It’s already bad and gonna get worse.
Tell him he’s inappropriate, and block him.
First note: you’re not responsible for his crappy decision to drive home drunk. Him placing that responsibility on you is a sign of things to come.
Bottom line – if he makes you uncomfortable, that’s you’re answer.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Run don’t walk.
just cut it off. Dude just wanted a piece of you and didnt want to waste much time trying.
The drunk driving alone would be a dealbreaker. Trust your guts. He’s being extremely inappropriate.
if your trauma made you jaded to the point where you’re unable to draw reasonable boundaries to protect yourself from a manipulative person like this guy ….. then i would suggest diving into therapy.
i found a really good therapist who specializes in ptsd. i learned through therapy that other people successfully draw boundaries in their life.. it had never even occurred to me previously that i could or should do so.
and just to be clear, that guy is an obvious asshat. time to tighten up, OP!
>I wasn’t ready to be sexual.
Did you communicate to him that you aren’t ready yet? This could have pumped the brakes and he may have backed off a bit. Sure he sounds annoying and his true behavior is coming out. He sounds excited and really likes you but if you see any future then you need to talk to him. Even a text stating – “I was taken aback by how you have been pushing towards having sex. I should’ve communicated that I’m not ready for it yet. I’m flattered by your feelings but let’s pump the brakes a bit when it comes to having sex. Is that okay? And when we plan meeting up, let’s plan it together 🙂 rather than you coming over in an hour. It’s a bit aggressive for my style. If this isn’t okay with you then we may have to part ways. What are your thoughts?”
This essentially calls him a pushy bro without being mean about it. He may be a great BF but at this rate it may be only a matter of time before he’s a goner. Also, you may want to ask him if he really drove drunk just because you couldn’t pick him up at a moment’s notice. Also, you both aren’t official and he’s asking for rides home? I’m willing to be he doesn’t have the receipt from an Uber for that night.
Bruh the drinking and driving is total bullshit. You’re not his mom and your for sure not his gf. Get the hell out of there
Sounds like a liability. Imagine had he killed an innocent family during his drunken drive home – that would have been your fault.
Bye bye!
My former roommate met a guy online. They went on one date and literally saw each other every single night after that, taking turns staying over at each other’s places. There was no “dating” period-they straight up met and immediately (basically) started living together. From day 1. It’s absurd to me but hey they’re still together a year later, so…I guess there really are a lot clingy people out there! He can find another lol. I personally could never…