I’m an 18 year old male, about as standard as we come. I’m about average looks, I’m convinced I’m neither ugly nor attractive, but I could probably stand to lose 10 to 20 pounds.
My grooming habits are impeccable, and I never gross anyone out or smell bad. I shower every or every other day, I wear a sparing amount of cologne, I have a half hour skin and face care routine every morning, which also seems to be working nicely as my acne is finally disappearing. I know how to wash my ass (surprising for my age group, I know) and generally I take good care of myself. My teeth are a blinding white, my deodorant is stocked regularly, so generally I’m very clean. I also generally don’t wear clothes that I already wore the day before, unless it’s pants I did nothing strenuous in, or a sweatshirt.
I bought a guitar in early April and have been self-teaching since, so I cleary have a hobby other than videogames. I’m also learning a second language, the same one I took all through middle and high school, and another class this coming semester at college.
I don’t really have other “friends”, but I’ve been keeping myself busy and social as best I can. I’ve gotten about 3 of my new coworkers’ numbers and snapchats, which I text them on about various things other than work. I used to feel very introverted, but I found I’ve worked myself out of that.
Which is my main problem: why can’t I make proper friends? Why do people almost always keep me at arms’ length? I know what is and isn’t appropriate to talk about in front of most people, and because I just met the ones I’m talking to at work, I haven’t said anything excessively dark, or of a sexual nature.
I know how to keep and carry on conversations, so it’s not like I’m excessively quiet or boring / uninterested.
I did have a developed friend circle about a year ago; although it seemed to have dissolved shortly after our graduation.
3 comments
Well you sound pretty straight laced. Maybe dabble with dark and sexual jokes haha. Nothing too far beyond the pale. Maybe you just need to loosen up a little? Also your friend group dissolving after school is pretty normal
fuck it. try being more polarizing and express urself with no filter. it’ll keep the ppl who like it and remove the ppl who dont (good riddance).
I can’t work out how to make this question sound softer, so here goes and please know I mean it openly and not harshly: what’s good about being friends with you?
most of your post deals with things you aren’t – you don’t smell, you don’t make inappropriate jokes, etc.
all good stuff not to do, but the most positive thing you’ve said about yourself is that you know how to carry on a conversation, which is a bit, well, bland. there’s a therapy exercise where you imagine that a close friend ten years in the future is writing a letter telling you what they’ve loved the most about their last ten years of friendship with you – what would be in the letter? is it your sense of humour? the way you know when to listen and when to give advice? the way you’re always up for an adventure?
when you know what kind of friend you’re best at being, it gets a lot easier to tell what kind of people want you to be the kind of friend you are. those are gonna be the people who don’t keep you at arm’s length.