These days, everyone’s feelings are valid and people can feel how they want. That’s all fine and dandy, but there are some times when someone (gf, sister, etc.) is **truly** overreacting. If you tell them you’re overreacting, they’ll say you’re gaslighting them and invalidating their feelings. Do you hold your ground or say sorry for the sake of ending the argument?
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HYPEEEEEE EM UP! TO THE MAXXX!
What could go wrong
As long as I’m being polite, yes. I tell people what they need to hear not what they want to hear. That is the way I want to be treated and is the way I treat people.
Both. Defuse the argument short term then revisit when theyre in a more reasonable mood.
I think the question is too general to be able to give a useful answer as it would really depend on the situation. However I try my best to put myself in others peoples heads to try and understand and empathise with them, and of course, some people do overreact for reasons perfectly logical to them, but if after all that, they were acting or behaving irrationally, I would say so, and explain my reasons for thinking it. But also life is short. Sometimes it easier to “lose” an argument to move on. Like I say, depends entirely on the circumstances.
If disagreeing is seen as gaslighting, hold your ground especially with GF. You can’t win with someone that woke, you’ll be better of without them.
So hold your ground, if she comes to senses great! If not, bye
I just make that sigh, shake head and move on. No point in discussion if other person cant move feelings aside and talk like an adult. Not acting like a damn toddler who didn’t got toy it wanted.
Either you don’t have to tell people they’re overreacting because they recognize it themselves – or telling them has the opposite of the desired effect, making them overreact even more. Conclusion: There is no reason to tell people they’re overreacting.
See, I don’t ascribe to the “my truth, your truth” mentality. There is only one truth, because this existence is shared by all of us. So, if I feel that someone is overreacting, I hold firm. I will discuss it with them, but until they can articulate something that I truly did wrong, then I did nothing wrong.
That said I also believe there are “no fault” situations. For example, if I’m taking a shower and someone turns on the hot water on the other side of the house, and my shower gets cold, I don’t blame them. They didn’t know. And I didn’t know they were going to turn on the water either. Often times, arguments stem from differences of perspective. That’s why it’s best to reserve your anger until all the facts are made known.
With wife, well regardless if she is overreacting or not the sorry is not the way out of it. She needs time to cool down. Sometimes when I don’t feel wrong I don’t say sorry but it does not really change things much.
There are issues with sorry. First, ok there is a wrong thing which I could not have said. But in an extensive conversation, there would always be such things which may seen as offensive. Also it does not help that she may sometimes say very similar things to me. But you know, guys not supposed to be offended. So overall even when there is a specific thing to say sorry about I do not feel particularly sorry.
Also, it’s not only that you have said something wrong but the very thing that you said it means that you don’t _feel_ like they want you to feel. Of course if somebody tries to make such accusations at workplace I would tell them fuck off, but if your SO says “you said it because you don’t love me” that makes some sense to be sad about it. So saying sorry does not close it.
I don’t know if my daughter (8) applies but she does sometimes burst in tears when she wants something. And it literally looks like gaslighting, when I tell her “you don’t have a reason to be upset, I don’t feel pity for you, you can keep crying in your room if you feel like, come out when you are done”.
I ask questions about the issue they’re not taking into consideration, and try to do so without sounding condescending. If that doesn’t work, I’ll typically just go about my business as usual, and let them know that I’ll be willing to talk when they calm down and act like an adult.
It doesn’t always help diffuse the situation at that moment, but it helps down the road.
“You’re obviously very upset about this right now, I don’t think this discussion is going to be very productive if you can’t talk about this without yelling at me.”
Don’t get drawn into an argument. Disengage from that. Give her the space to calmly explain why she feels the way she does. Don’t tell her to “calm down” and don’t tell her she’s overreacting, just tell her that you aren’t going to take part in a fight.
“I don’t understand” is usually a good opener. “I don’t understand why you’re this upset” trying to understand why is all you can do. If you eventually do understand why they’re upset as they are, then express that. If you still don’t understand, then express that too. There’s not really such a thing as an overreaction because the person is reacting that way for a reason, which usually based on past experiences.
Hold my ground. I’m doing them no favors by giving them a false apology.
I hold my ground. I’m not apologizing to anyone for my opinion or how I feel. I’m just as entitled to my own feelings and opinions as anyone else is.
Their feelings may be “valid” insomuch as they are experiencing them, but the manner and intensity with which they are choosing to express those emotions are disproportionate to the significance of events that precipitated them.
Hold my ground and tell them to calm the fuck down. Feelings are only feelings and they’ll get over it.