I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years. My boyfriend (26 M) has a best friend who cheats on his long term girlfriend consistently. My boyfriend speaks with him daily and they always go clubbing together (which I am never invited to). His best friend also does not like me. He talks bad about me, calls me crazy, and blocked me from all of his social media. My boyfriend admitted that his friend tried to persuade him to cheat on me as well. I have lots of anxiety when he goes out with him but I can’t control who he’s friends with. Am I being crazy or is it a justified reason to be upset? I NEED OPINIONS PLEASE
31 comments
My question is why would you date somebody who is hanging around and has best friends that behave like that?
If he refuses to invite you out, to me that’s a huge red flag.
Your boyfriend doesn’t do anything and lets the best friend badmouth you and encourages him to cheat. I would say you’re justified. I wouldn’t stand for my bestfriend badmouthing my girlfriend (though now wife). That alone would have me end my relationship with them and that’s not including them trying to persuade me to cheat.
There’s an old saying which has proved to be true in many things over the years, I’ve noticed.
It’s: “birds of a feather flock together”.
You can find a better bf who will have better ethics than standing by a friend who cheats and tries to get him to cheat. And imo, tbh, your bf probably has cheated and just tells you what he does to give you enough insight to think he wouldn’t cheat-its just his friend.
Sometimes you’re cornered into having a shitty person in a friend group, but that doesn’t mean you hang out with them 1 on 1. Your BF being complicit in him being a shitty human would be reason enough for me to leave them.
Don’t make this into a conversation with your SO. Break up with them, tell them why, and leave.
Your boyfriends best friend has no respect for his relationship, you and your boyfriends relationship, and actively tries to screw up his supposed best friends life. Ask your boyfriend exactly what he thinks a healthy and supportive friendship looks like.
Also ask him what his opinion would be if this was the other way round, and it was you and a girlfriend out clubbing, while she encourages cheating?
You are totally justified in being upset. He clearly doesn’t respect you if he is choosing hang out with a person who tried to get him to cheat on you.
If your bff or sister told you she was dating someone like this, would you be okay with it? Would you support it or would you tell her to run for the hills?
If your boyfriend is not willing to dump this friend, then you will be stuck with him for the rest of your life. Is that what you really want?
I would say this is very fair. I wouldn’t necessarily say it means that your boyfriend is cheating on you. But I would say that there are red flags in a few things:
– not inviting you out with his friends ever, unless you are someone who hates clubbing this is just a bit odd (maybe his friend doesn’t know you’re aware he cheats on his girlfriend and doesn’t want you there?)
– allowing his friend to talk badly about you, call you crazy, or blocking you and your boyfriend not saying anything?! On top of those being mysogynistic things to say about a woman wtf. If my best friend said something about my bf we would be having a serious words.
– trying to get your boyfriend to cheat on you and your boyfriend presumably telling you but not telling his friend to get to fuck? What…
– hanging out with someone who constantly cheats and not seeing a moral issue with that is just a bit iffy for me
I would be uncomfortable too. Yeah you can’t force someone to not be friends with someone but you can be concerned about what that means for your relationship.
Would you be besties and go clubbing with a friend if they were constantly cheating on their partner?
Assuming your bf knows about the cheating it’s clear that he’s covering for him. And if your bf would cover for him I assume he would cover for your bf
Birds of a feather flock together (meaning that your boyfriend, most likely, isn’t all that different from his best friend).
It says a lot about your boyfriend that he’s best friends with this guy. Your bf is probably doing worse than you know.
When they go for a boys night out, follow them and see what they’re really up to
There is a quick way to find out your bf’s approach to cheating – tell the long term gf about the cheating (having proof would be better), and see what the fall out of that is. You are already not liked by his friend, so you have nothing to lose from him by telling her – and if it were you, wouldn’t you want to know? It is the right thing to do and you’ll feel better knowing you did a good deed, that stops a creep from ruining someone’s life…
Your bf’s reaction to his friend’s reaction in you doing that should be telling. Either he will be upset with you because you outed his friend and he cares more about that friendship, or he will recognize that what you did was the right thing to do – and he will be sorry he didn’t do it first.
Recognize that if he is angry with you, it may be because he is selfish in regards to wanting his friend in his life – and may just need some discussion with you to understand this is not really all about him.
At a minimum, he should be a positive influence over his friend’s life, encouraging good behavior and loyalty, rather than destructive behavior that will only end in pain and suffering. You taking the high road and showing loyalty and support for the betrayed shows good character – tell her and then prepare for some drama – sometimes doing the right thing isn’t all fun and roses, but it is still the best path forward.
>My boyfriend admitted that his friend tried to persuade him to cheat on me as well.
Be prepared for the trickle truth on this one.
You need to talk about him with ur boyfriend. U should to tell him how this makes you fell and you understand that they are best friends but this guy is not avoid guy at all. He should never pick sides but he needs to understand that it’s not ok to have someone treat you like that. Do whats best for you in the end <3
You can tell a lot about people by the company they keep. Your BF is friends with a trash person. Now this doesn’t 100% mean your BF is a trash person too, but it does justifiably raise some questions about his character.
I’ve know some people-pleasing kinds of people who just won’t cut a “friend” off no matter what, even when that friend is a net negative in their life. These are well-meaning, well-adjusted people but who have selective blindness about their friend’s awfulness because “We’ve been friends forever!” Especially with longterm friends from childhood or school. All that history adds a “sunk cost” to the friendship that makes it harder for him to push him away or cut him off. Plus he’s in his mid20s – at this age friendships have a way of drifting away as people get deep into their career tracks and/or start families of their own, so having a friend who is still on his wavelength only draws them closer.
Of course your BF could be friends with this guy because he generally agrees with a lot of his viewpoints and attitudes. That forthright admission that his friend was trying to get him to cheat could just be the trickle-truth version of him admitting that he is doing things at the club that you would consider cheating, even if he isn’t full-on hooking up.
So you are left with a choice about whether you can tolerate being in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t stand up for you against his scumbag friend and likes to hang out with him at a party scene full of hookup potential, but with your company excluded. Personally I would not want my partner to hang out with someone who clearly doesn’t respect me, and if my partner chose that other person anyhow, I would find ways to start detaching myself from that mess. But if you want to proceed in this relationship, you need to have a talk with him about how uncomfortable you feel with this. Remember to use your I/me statements. You aren’t telling him he can NEVER see or talk to this friend, you are just informing him how uncomfortable it makes you specifically when he goes out to party with this guy who uses party time to cheat on his girlfriend.
Would you allow a “best friend” to treat your boyfriend like his best friend is treating you?
A boyfriend who constantly hangs out with a serial cheater who encourages him to cheat too will without doubt eventually cheat too. Similarly, him keeping his company is by default at least some level of approval.
Not sure how you can date a guy like that tbh. You will always have that thought in the back of your head every time they go anywhere.
Breakup.Yesterday.
You can tell the character of a person by the company that they keep.
Self respect OP.
If you can’t respect yourself then you can’t expect other too respect you.
Prolly best too walk away as I don’t see very good trust with this bf.
I’d be asking your boyfriend to explain exactly why he tolerates someone with so little respect for his relationship.
Dude needs better friends
If your boyfriend is friends with someone that cheats that is a major red flag. Would you be friends with a girl that cheats on her boyfriend? It speaks to your boyfriend’s moral character.
I had an ex boyfriend that had a friend like this. He would cheat on his girlfriend and say she was “too fat” for him and stuff like that. My ex used to tell me he thought his friend was terrible for doing that and that he thought his friend’s girlfriend was a good person and that he shouldn’t be judging her on her weight. But my ex bf turned out to be the same way. He told me if I gained any weight (and I was super underweight at the time) that he’d leave me and he cheated on me like a month later. From my experience, when it comes to friendships, people are usually heavily influenced by their friends and tend to try to be like them. His friend probably has convinced him to cheat.
I’d say take the other commenters advice, but also ask him, straight up, why he’s still friends with his best friend. Why. And make him give a straight answer. Don’t let him off with “he’s been my friend for so long”, ask him why he would continue to be his friend after all this.
What you do with the answer, and the other suggestions from the commenters (including me) are up to you.
Sounds like a scummy guy and it would be truly shocking if your boyfriend was not of the same ilk.
Dude LEAVE
He’s probably already cheated because of this fucking friends peer pressure
Break up. I’m not gonna bother getting into this bait. You already know this is not the dickhead for you and you’re not listening to yourself. The internet can’t make you gaf about your own self worth. Only you can do that.
You can’t control who he is friends with or if he goes clubbing but you can control who you are dating, breaking up would put your mind at ease and you’ll find peace with someone who respects you in a relationship. You deserve better!