So my husband has screenshots from
Instagram of his coworkers on his phone. These are generally pics these women post of themselves wearing sexy/nice clothing so there’s a sexual aspect. He says they are of an old coworker and that he only looks at the pics to masturbate as part of a fantasy. I wouldn’t mind if it was an actress or a porn star but the fact that he knows this person is not sitting right. This is the second time it’s happened and the first time he apologized and said the same explanation.
I get that men are visual but going so far as to get a screen shot seems to show a lack of respect for me and I think it opens the door to him flirting (if he hasn’t already) or possibly more.
I don’t suspect him of cheating. Am I crazy for thinking this doesn’t sit right?
28 comments
It is off as I would not want a partner masturbating to co workers or friends as that is crossing the line honestly.
You’re absolutely right. That’s disgusting and I would consider that in itself cheating. If it makes you feel disrespected or uncomfortable, he needs to apologize and stop, not continue to do what he’s doing with that weak excuse.
Maybe you should fuck your husband more often… The fact he has a spank bank proves you aren’t doing it enough.
I think it takes a ton more effort to masturbate to still images than actual porn. It’s also very creepy that he knows her… Red flags all around.
Leave. My ex did this with girls he was friends with to jerk off to. It’s emotional cheating and is not going. It does not end. They just find new ways to hide
People are so disturbing. I would be breaking up asap
Everyone has different boundaries, and you’re allowed to set them wherever you want.
If your boundary is that he can’t use pictures of people he knows, and you’ve told him such, then he either needs to stop, or you need to decide if it’s a true dealbreaker.
It doesn’t really matter how many comments here are horrified, or how many comments here defend him by saying “everyone does it”, and I assure you, if this post catches any traction, there will be a ton of both (there always are when this comes up), the only thing that matters is how you feel about it.
My ex did the same, even with friends of mine. It bothered me and he would say sorry over and over, without it ever changing. Today, I consider this cheating and would never accept this ever again. You might want to consider explaining how you feel about this and how it’s a deal breaker if he can’t stop. I accepted that kind of behavior way too long before leaving and feeling miserable and self-conscious.
You’re feelings are absolutely valid. That’s crossing the line because he’s seen this girl in person, interacted with her, etc. that’s a huge difference from a fantasy or an unattainable interest. Definitely put your foot down with one.
He needs therapy it’s not ok to do that.
All that should matter is the fact this is bothering you no matter if it is considered ok or not in society. Take it up with him and if you can’t get a satisfying conclusion then proceed to consider separation.
Crossing the line in my opinion… 36F married…. I’d be pissed if that was my husband.
He shouldn’t be doing that at all. It’s a big red flag and he needs to delete those photos. It’s not right for him to be doing that especially since the person isn’t a sexual icon
This is cheating. Emotional cheating. Besides that it’s creepy that he is masturbating at people he knows. Again there is an emotional element to this.
Yikes, that has got to be an emotional toll to find that out. 😢
He is emotionally cheating on you. Not only Porn, But with coworkers who he put son his phone dressed inappropriately. He won’t quit but get worse with age and hormones. Make a game plan to go ASAP. He may decide to even meet with them, Who knows. I don’t trust him. He is a loser and you deserve better.
Sitting right is your personal feeling, I can understand how it might confuse women brain that men can detach and compartmentalize when they could never. On the other hand it’s a gross subject that lot’s of folks have heated opinions about.
On the other topic, screenshot isn’t that huge of a deal, I take screenshots of things I want to have available even if I am not online. It’s no worse than if I went through their Instagram and jerked off to the pictures. But if you find it gross, then good, it hopefully makes you aware that at any point someone might take a screenshot of what you post online and it will be theirs even if you decide to delete it.
Your feelings are completely valid and I would honestly be upset as well. From what I have seen in the past, he may just try to hide it from you if it gets to the point of you asking him about it. If he is continuing to give you the same excuses and try to justify his actions, he is not truly sorry. It is important to set boundaries in any relationship and to enforce them as well. Him doing this is disrespectful to both the women and to you. Consider trying to spend some time alone, even just an afternoon at home and weigh the pros and cons of staying with this man. Because if this is something that bothers you this much (as it would many others including myself) then I don’t think it is worth continuing a relationship with this man. You deserve to have a man that loves you through and through, not only for your body, but for you soul and persona. You deserve a man that isn’t creepy like this, because trust me what he is doing is downright creepy as well and I am sure his coworkers wouldn’t be too pleased to learn what he is doing.
If you’re unhappy, then I don’t think this is something that can be salvaged. And in moments like this, it is important to put yourself first. And always remember that this is not a reflection of your value, but only of his value and persona. A form of self respect is to never settle, but I understand that sometimes it is difficult for a split, especially in marriage. But it will be more damaging and difficult to pursue something in this given situation, especially if he doesn’t appear to understand or respect your feelings. I wish you the absolute best of luck, beautiful! 🙂
That’s disgusting. And disrespectful. You’re not crazy at all. It’s called gateway fantasizing. You see gateway fantasizing starts as fantasizing as a person you know in real life… in this case his coworker.. If his coworker asked him to have sex I’m telling you right now he would. It’s not just a fantasy.
No this is fucking weird
Duh, yes, there’s a major problem with what hubby is doing. You’re right.
You know, I am a strong believer in every relationship being different and as long as you are both ok with it, it’s ok.
That said, most people would *not* be ok with this and it sounds like you aren’t either. This would be a significant problem in most relationships.
Please let go of this men are from mars women are from Venus “men are visual” bullshit.
Everyone’s “visual”.
Your bf is a creep.
Creepy AF.
That’s cheating in my book. So freakin disrespectful toward you, but also the women he has photos of. They’re screenshots, so clearly the girls don’t know he has them. Or that he’s doing that to them..
Really gross
Groooooooss, his poor female coworkers, that’s absolutely disgusting all around and he is a walking harassment suit waiting to happen. Get out, seriously, that’s so so gross. Imagine if he caught YOU doing that?!? There would be no excuse in the world right? Just collect yourself and exit, wherever that train wreck is headed you don’t need to be on the train to suffer the fallout.
He is more than likely already cheating on you. Maybe that’s presumptive of me, but I only have personal experience to compare it with. 🚩
You need to tell him to delete the photos and if he does it again, it’s over. Say this in a calm and collective manner. This is an ultimatium. If he doesn’t change, that means he chose his fantasy with his co-workers over you and you deserve better!