I told this girl from my class that I like her, we share a good connection. She said she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. But in our previous conversations, she said that she wanted to be in one. So I took it as she wants to be in one, just not with me. I was fine with it. But she said, she wants us to be good friends. I thought like, yeah this happens in every situation where a girl rejects a guy. She asks him to be her friend. So I said we can’t be friends. I also said that she likes me but isn’t admitting it, because I had a feeling that she really does like me. She waited for like 10 minutes to think of a reply for that text and she came up with “I am into someone else”. She could be lying or telling the truth but I didn’t care. I stopped talking. It’s been a few days, and I got texts from her yesterday saying that she really wants us to be friends forever as I just get her like, really get her. Better than her childhood friends. And she likes having conversations with me, she likes my vibe and that I motivate her. She again said that she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. That’s when I pointed out that she doesn’t want relationships yet is into someone else. And she was like, yeah I don’t know why all that shit. And she said that she just likes him but doesn’t want to be with him and that she isn’t a relationship type. She really wants us to be friends. Doesn’t want to leave me. This is too confusing for me. Please help me understand this situation better and what can be done with this situation?
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Ok so from what you say it seems like this girl is really confused about what she wants, and that’s ok. And if she’s told you that she wants to be “friends forever” than take it for what it’s worth or just walk away.
All up to you and what you want.
If staying as ‘only friends’ with her could torture you because you have feelings for her while she doesn’t then you shouldn’t be friends with her or not be close friends. If it won’t hurt you and you want to be friends then do that .
But generally boys and girls can’t be good friends as one always develops feelings for the other
The question is what you want?
You want a relationship but no friendship? Look somewhere else.
You would be happy with a friendship but cant handle it at the moment? Maybe a break would help. If you both still think this way after 2-3 months you should be good to go.
Being friends is not a bad thing. the goal between two person is not always only hugging passionately. But to get this to work you have to cool your head first.
But most importantly: Talk about it. Talk with her how you feel and why you gonna act the way you choose.
She wants an orbiter, you and probably several others, most likely for her self esteem.
Cut her off and focus on yourself.
She doesn’t want you.
There’s no back and forth to it
If you don’t consider her a friend and never did then just say that.
Listen to me buddy. It’s clear she doesn’t want a relationship. She wants to be friends with you. Now it’s up to you if you wanna be her friend or not. Doesn’t matter if she’s begging you or something. Do you wanna be her friend or not? Ask yourself this, take some time a few weeks or a month or two and decide for yourself.
Think about what you want. Not what she wants.
I don’t get it, when a man walks away with his dignity intact after getting rejection, why many thinks that he went to the cave just cause he couldn’t get between her pants. Is that all people can think about. Why don’t they see the pain and hard moments that follows. Well if the roles are reversed, none will say she failed to get his banana rolled so she went awol. Call me whatever y’all want but I have seen many I mean many shame OP for looking out for himself, knowing that he took an L and moved on with his life, yet still redditors thinks that he is just going after her for sex. Why aren’t people seeing how hard it is for men as well
She is romantically interested in somebody else but she platonically wants you in her life. Do you want her platonically? Or only romantically? Depending on that answer either keep rocking that no (but remove your replying to her) or totally drop your romantic stuff and start being her friend
If you have feelings for her, just say sorry but I can’t and then go find someone else and bang them. Thank me later
You don’t owe her anything and honestly she sounds like she’s got some red flags herself with how much she double backs on everything.
Sounds kinda like she likes the emotional support you give and care but doesn’t want anything serious with you.
If she was a real friend, she wouldn’t confuse you with her confusion. Let her go and free your mind and heart. It will only lead to more hurt.
Wow you’re into similar situation to mine. She wanted and I also to be her friend after rejection but I realized that it’s gonna hurt me being her friend. At least it was for me. She’s gonna talk about other boys, flirt with them Infront of you, be in relationship with other. It will just hurt you. After trying to be her friend for a month I just stopped it. It’s better if you part ways. Just become casual friend but not that attached and close friend.
She wants a relationship but without all the responsibilities of a relationship. She wants someone to put in effort for her, make deep conversations with her, pay her attention. But does not want to fulfill that person’s wants.
She just sounds very immature to me. Perhaps has anxiety over getting into a relationship. Perhaps just selfish.
I’d say “Sorry, it’s not about you. I simply can’t keep a friendship while I still like you. Peace.” and stop talking to her.
Trust me bro, you do not want this kind of friendship. You will give without getting anything. And end up stifling yourself when it comes to meeting new women who actually want you.
Get out. It will not work. You will keep trying and she will keep refusing you. You will suffer for nothing. It will only stop you to keep moving towards a person that realy likes you as a parthner. Keep moving. Dont be friends if you want a parthnership. Only be friends when you deep inside of you dont want anything anymore with her.
I have been thru the exact situation as you. She just want to be friends, that’s all. Def wouldn’t want to be in a rs with you. What I realize is that if she wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t give so many excuses.
If u are okay with being friends, then go for it. But beware if next time she has a bf, you must be able to take it. Also I hope that she’s not using u or anything…
She wants the attention you give her, not you, away my friend
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=orbiter
This is gonna sound harsh, but your wasting your time and hers by not ending this contact between you both
> I also said that she likes me but isn’t admitting it, because I had a feeling that she really does like me.
Ah yes, because how could a woman possibly know how she really feels. Damn dude.
Let’s take the platonic friendship hypothetical.
You have feelings for her but would be expected to drop those feelings and somehow only be platonic. Does that seem like something you can do? If it will involve any form of dishonesty or deception then you will have to just walk away brother. You can’t live a lie either, super unhealthy.
My suggestion would be: take her at her word. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship but wants to be your friend. If you find her engaging company, then why not oblige and be her friend? Friends are good things to have. She may eventually decide she does want to be in a relationship with you, but don’t try to pressure her. It has to arise naturally
Story of the friendzone
You gave the correct response at first when you trusted your gut. Do not allow yourself to be friendzoned. This will lead to manipulative behavior on her part and you will just get hurt. Be friendly and cordial (not the same as being her friend), but distance yourself and find someone who wants to be with you. You deserve that.
Edit: I had a similar situation where a girl attempted to friendzone me after hooking up. It was painful but I said no, I don’t want to be friends and left it at that. On the whole, I am so much better off.
Honestly walk away
She wants the attention and affection that you give her in a platonic relationship while she chases after and pines away for another guy. Doesn’t make her a bad person she just is figuring out how to date. Being friends with her will only bring about bad outcomes for you. You feel a romantic connection and she feels a connection with you where you meet some of her emotional needs. Onlly one of you will have your needs met in a friendship. And it won’t be you.
Friends? Move on
Clearly she wants to be friends and isn’t interested in being romantic with you. When you told her you think she actually likes you was cringe asf dude, don’t pretend like you know her feelings better than she does. If you can’t handle being friends with someone you have an interest in just move on. She isn’t “using you for attention” like many of the lonely people in the comments are saying
If you can be platonic friends then go for it
If you want something more then you were right to walk away, and as far as my experience tells me that was the right thing to do for both of you
yeah try not to be bitter about these things you might regret how you behaved in the past ya know. Keep your chin up bossman.
She doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Now it’s up to you whether you still want to be friends or not
I’m just going to be straight up, why did you initially start talking to her?
You handled it well and its best for you not to be friends with her as she would be the only one benefiting from that friendship.
Friendships are two way streets and since you wont be getting what you want out of it, its not worth sticking around.
Dude fuck all this noise. If you want a relationship with her friendship will bring you pain 99 times out of 100. She isn’t obligated to be in a relationship with you, nor you in a friendship with her. You set a good boundary, stick to it.
Friendships aren’t a consolation prize for not dating, so you can choose whether this friendship suits you with ZERO chance of getting together. She might enjoy how you make her feel, and the attention etc., but you’re not here to feed
egos. On the flip side, she doesn’t owe you an explanation for why she doesn’t like you. Women are capable of imagining being with all kinds of people we don’t like, but there’s a difference between this strong internal urge or one that’s formed after lots of pressure. You don’t want that.
You’re good enough to be her friend, but not good enough to date.
There’s nothing wrong with being friends though more often than not it will do more damage to the party that had romantic feelings for the other.
If it’s going to be platonic it has to *start* that way from *both sides*.
It’s not worth the hassle, move on
Listen King, tell her you aren’t interested in being friends and move on. Clearly you want to date her and she just wants you to be a pseudo boyfriend. You aren’t entitled to anything from her, but she’s not entitled to your friendship.
You made an offer of a relationship. She chose not to accept your relationship offer, as is her right. She then made a counter-offer of a friendship.
The ball is in your court. Your choices are to accept or reject her counter offer.
She doesn’t owe you a relationship; and you don’t owe her a friendship.
If you don’t want to be Just Friends, then don’t accept the offer — especially if you hope she will change her mind in the future. That’s a crappy thing to do to her, and to yourself. Sometimes these things just don’t work out.
EDIT TO ADD: If you do choose to be her friend, accept that she’s going to have feelings and make life choices you don’t agree with or necessarily even understand. Example: She’s into another dude but doesn’t want a relationship with him either. (Hey — hormones gets everyone, even people who don’t want to be in a relationship).
For what it’s worth, most/all friends have opinions about their friends lives — whether you are the same or opposite genders. Lord knows I’ve considered several friends of mine to be idiots over the years — and they thought that of me. Having opinions just comes with the job of being a friend — and knowing when to keep them to yourself (and when not to) is what makes a *good* friend.
You’s the back up plan, ask for advice about another girl, if that doesn’t elicit a good response, move on somewhere else
Your options are:
1. Stop being her friend. You will only find misery in being around someone who doesn’t really want you.
2. Stop wanting her romantically, and still be her friend. (This is not plausible, let’s admit it. The heart wants what it wants. Go back to option 1.)
3. Make her see you in a romantic way. (No, this isn’t going to happen either. You’re just going to waste your energy. Move on. Go back to option 1.)
Hey bud,
To be honest I think that she just wants you to be around. She may like you because well you’re there. You comfort her. Your someone to pass time and text. But to be honest let her be and don’t pursue it any longer. I was once in a situation like this I ended up dating my friend and it turned out to be shit after.
Take it as you want.
Just because you’re there for someone all the time doesn’t mean you should be in a relationship you know.
Tell her to kick rocks bro
She doesn’t want a relationship with you, she wants you friends and in orbit.
You are not entitled to a relationship with her, she is not entitled to a friendship with you.
Do not get sucked into the friendzone, go no contact.
she rejected you romantically because she doesnt want you so you should reject her platonically because you don’t want her as a friend.
Do not waste your time with this. You’re looking for something more, and she is not. You can be cordial with her, but you can pursue other women that might share the same interest in you as well.
She’s not romantically interested in you, but wants to be your friend. That’s it.