I met my boyfriend when he was 20 and I was 26. I get there is a huge age gap, but at first we seemed compatible.
When we first met, he told me that he’s a switch, but later confessed that he’s more on the submissive side, and it clearly shows.
He’s submissive in every way, not just in bed. He calls me to ask for permission on what food to eat, asks me when he is allowed to go to bed, or if he can take a shower.. i keep telling him that he does not need to run these things by me (i don’t ask him these things either), but he says he loves asking for my permission for everything. I have to make choices for him..
I am extremely submissive in bed but can become dom here and there. But with him, i can’t be submissive at all, he just doesn’t have it in him to dominate me, and i always have to be the one. I don’t ask him anymore as I feel guilty knowing that he’s not the type.
I started not enjoying my sex life with him, and considering even breaking up to be honest but I don’t want to crush his soul.. I have less and less sex with him now and when we do have sex, i finish off by myself thinking of other men dominating me.
Any advice for me?
10 comments
Communicate everything you’ve said here with him. Tell him you understand that he wants to be more of a sub, but that you can’t be on *all* the time. Most dudes would find that exhausting as well, it’s why we like our quiet time away from everything.
I’ll be honest it sounds like you two aren’t compatible, but you can at least give him this last chance to give as well as take, and that way you can tell yourself that you tried.
Hate to say it, but this sounds like a clear cut case of sexual incompatibility. He needs to understand that your needs are not being met and if he is not willing to step up to the plate and dominate you at least some of the time, then you don’t see any way the relationship can last. Nobody likes to hear stuff like this, but sometimes it is the only way.
You’ll need to have a real conversation with him that he’s being selfish. That you want some down time from the crown.
He needs to know that you’d like an equal partner in life and not a child at all times.
This might be a deal breaker for him but in the end if you’re not enjoying your life because of him than that’s really not the worst thing.
Lay it all out, tell him how serious it is and see if he can get over himself and his needs long enough to meet yours.
My Mrs. Has suggested a flow chart, says make it as general as possible.
Like Monday
permission to Eat a sandwhich
Call me?
am I at work?
is it important or a slave bothering me?
if slave, dont call
Or something to that effect.
He is trying to push you into a 24/7 dynamic. If he is calling you to ask your ‘permission’ about the most mundane things (which would be annoying as fuck if you weren’t into it) then he wants the relationship to be largely one of dom/sub outside of the bedroom as well. Which is pretty shitty of him.
It doesn’t sound like you two are particularly compatible i’m afraid.
Y’all are simply not compatible. He’ll be happier finding a woman who really loves to be a dom.
Your shiiiiiit out of luck you can try but you can’t change his personality.
The issue is the dominating male type that turns you on will most likely not be a great partner but we can’t help to be attracted to certain people. Best of luck.
You need to find another guy. You want a guy who is gonna talk dirty to you and tells you what he is going to do to you and likes to do to you.
Not a pillow princess who is not getting you off.
Just end it.
Much better than dragging things on for months, slowly building resentment and pain and wasting everyone’s time.
You have to tell him that you’re not comfortable with the sub/dom dynamic outside of sex and that he’s a grown person who needs to make his own decisions. Don’t let this continue.
> He calls me to ask for permission on what food to eat, asks me when he is allowed to go to bed, or if he can take a shower.. i keep telling him that he does not need to run these things by me (i don’t ask him these things either), but he says he loves asking for my permission for everything. I have to make choices for him..
This sounds like more of a kink thing than a “he doesn’t know how to look after himself” thing. If some kind of 24/7 mommy-dom dynamic is what he wants in a relationship then that’s fine, but if he’s trying to force it on you without properly discussing it beforehand, knowing that it’s probably not something you’re particularly interested in, then he’s out of line. Sexual compatibility issues aside that’s something you should probably have a frank discussion about.