So recently my husband and I have been having sexual issues. We have not been having sex and when we do my husband isn’t not able to finish and his penis goes soft. I asked him what’s wrong and he assures me that it’s not me he says that he is under a lot of stress at work and stress with us finding a house with these insane prices. We are currently in a very nice condo and waiting to see how much our new lease will be since we are wanting to renew for one more year. So he says that he has so much stuff on his mind that sex is not something on his mind he says that he wants to have sex while he is sure that he will be able to have an orgasm so it won’t make me feel bad and make me feel like it’s me. I don’t know what to think it makes me sad it makes me feel like it’s me but he says it’s not. Any thoughts?

20 comments

  3. Sounds normal. Every time I get stressed, my libido goes through the roof. Every time my husband is stressed, his flatlines. Stress is a hell of a drug.

  4. It’s probably exactly what he says it is. Stress can wreak havoc on performance, and performance difficulties can spiral as you stress out that you won’t be able to finish and then bam, that stress keeps you from finishing. We have no conscious control over it.

    If it’s been going on a while he may want to look in to ED treatment.

  5. He probably has performance anxiety. Pills can really help with that. Just relax and enjoy it. If he goes soft he goes soft. Dwelling on that will only make it worse.

  6. Sounds like he needs more comfort and connections with you that is intimate but not sexual. He needs to feel secure again in this relationship.

  8. Read the book, “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. Its about female sexuality and desire, but stick with me a moment. The book talks about brakes and accelerators to desire. What it says holds true for women and men. It was a game changer for us in many ways. Good luck.

  9. Could be stress, prostrate issues(how old is he?), low testosterone. I can assure you these things can deflate my Willie in a second.

  10. >I don’t know what to think it makes me sad it makes me feel like it’s me but he says it’s not. Any thoughts?

    There is no boner killer like, “It makes me sad when you aren’t hard.” and knowing that your entire relationship is under the gun because of an involuntary part of your anatomy.

  11. Yes. Stress can certainly have an impact on sex which requires concentration. Getting older makes it harder. And health… what is his state of health?

  12. Genitals are weird. Period.

    My husband has gotten a boner before while consoling me as I cry. Does the thought of me upset turn him on? Of course not!

    If I’m under stress at work and at home, instead of focusing on the moment when we’re having sex, I’m thinking about all the things I have to do that evening to prepare for the following day.

    Stress can absolutely kill libido.

  13. Others have said it. It’s the Hiearchy of needs. If a man is stressed about providing shelter, food, and safety the male brain often does not think about reproduction and will shut down a bit and kick into high gear to focus on providing the core protection for the family. Sex is related to producing life and needing to provide more shelter, food, and safety. Human biology is not always politically correct.

  16. Cialis. Trust me, he will NOT have that issue if he takes a pill. You can now get a scrip online, through text messages, and have the pills mailed to you, so no need to deal with an embarrassing situation to obtain them.

  17. There is a lot of missing info: Age, fitness level, (overweight?), medications, blood pressure, testosterone level, years together and years married… If all physical issues check out, then it’s in his mind. The more it happens the more he’ll stress over it and the more it happens. Repeat.

  19. Sheesh did I write this post? Yikes I feel your struggle sister. You r not alone.

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