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I have had depression problems since I met my boyfriend, but at first, I didn’t know about this problem. Halfway through our relationship, I started treatment. A lot has changed for the better, but libido has gotten a lot worse. After 2 years my boyfriend practically demanded that I stop my meds or the relationship would end. But with the rest of the relationship going wonderfully. I stopped because I like him too much, but the lack of medication affected me. I lack concentration, and sluggishness and I’m at the end of my doctorate which is a huge pressure. Is he an asshole for that?
15 comments
Yes. Yes he is.
Don’t stop your meds. Did he say those words “I want you to stop the meds because I want a sexual relationship with you” or was it part of a discussion and trying to find a resolution.
If it’s the first, then he’s a jerk.
If it’s the latter, then this is something you need to resolve. Sex and intimacy are an important part of relationships and it’s something that you had with him and now you don’t. (I understand his frustration because I was in his shoes many years ago).
I’m so glad for you that you started medication and it’s working! That’s not easy.
Talk to your medical team about this dude affect. Don’t worry, they’ve heard it before. You may need an adjustment or change.
YES HE IS. You can’t just stop taking medication for depression without seeing your Dr for one thing, for another he has no right to tell you to stop taking a prescribed medication that is making you feel so much better. No one has the right to tell you what you can & can’t do, especially to do with your mental health. He sounds like he is trying to control you and likes it when you are depressed because you are probably more easily to manipulate and control. He is no good for you, and he hopes that by keeping you depressed you won’t notice his controlling behaviour. Please take your medication and dump the boyfriend.
Yes, dump his ass, your mental health comes first. He does NOT have your best interests at heart
For future BF’s, you can talk to your medic about different medications that might not effect your sex drive. But this guy has to go.
You should not be in a relationship with someone who demands that you sacrifice your mental health and consequently your education and career for the sake of sex.
You come first
Yes, he’s a massive asshole. You should dump him.
Ask your healthcare provider for options that do not affect libido if you care to keep the relationship. They do exist. No, it’s not right to ask someone to stop meds for any reason without talking to their doctor.
I do see his side though. You may think the relationship is going perfectly in all other aspects, but that’s because you’re getting what you want out of it. If he values sex and wants to be having sex, then it’s not going well for him at all. You have no responsibility for his sexual pleasure, but he’s also not required to stay with you.
If you’re not having sex, why keep him around and unhappy? Isn’t that pretty selfish too? Why does his commitment matter if you’re not having sex?
Try different meds if your prescriber offers. You do deserve some of his patience while you work through that. However, if it doesn’t help or you don’t get other meds then you should let him go. Find someone more compatible and let him do the same. Sometimes sex is a deal breaker.
99% of women would do the same thing to a guy who has ED caused by medication though….just sayin
Yes, he is.
You shouldn’t stop your meds, would you stop your meds if you had a heart condition? I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him. Please prioritize your mental health and wellbeing, it’s much more important than your relationship with this guy. Good luck to you.
Yeah take ur meds. Your future career and general mental health is a lot more important than his sexual needs.
Yah he’s a dick and obviously is selfish. Can you try to compromise? Yes. Can he be frustrated, yes. Can he tell you to stop making meds? Fuck NO.
I assure you he thinks they don’t help much cause he never needs them. Sounds like me a few years ago until I grew up.
I don’t mean this in a mean way, but ask yourself why you would stop meds that are helping your life for someone. Why would you derail your entire future for someone who may not be around?
You have the rest of your life. There’s no guarantee that your bf is going to be around for that. Choose your life first. You get to make it a priority.
And honestly, he should be making that life a priority as well. The mismatched libidos is a problem. And it could end the relationship. But going off the meds is not a solution. There are lots of other things you both could try before breaking up, but going off the meds should not be one of them.
May be you can see you doc to get other meds but in general and even without meds, depression takes a toll on libido.
He’s asking for too much. If sex isn’t happening anymore it’s better he leave for someone he’s compatible with while you find balance within yourself