how do I (22F) deal with my anxiety about my boyfriend’s (27M) working habits?

3 comments

1. Yes, it is a concern if he’s working so much and always sounds exhausted. Not only for his own health, but also when on earth will you spend time together?

2. You need to convince him to work less with a solution based answer and not an emotional one. I’ll give an example. Instead of saying “I’m worried about you overworking yourself, you might have a heart attack in your 30’s if you keep it up” say something like “Hey love if money is tight
   I can work a job so you work closer to 40 hours a week” or ” Our finances are on track, you don’t need to bust your balls like we are going to lose the house” stuff like that. If your a main stressor on the relationship’s finances due to student loans or something, bringing it up may create resentment, or even if the reason he is overworking himself is unavoidable it may also create resentment.

3. If you started seeing him a month ago, chances are that this is his life and this is how things normally go. The chances of him changing For You, especially with this new of a relationship are especially Slim. I think that you will need to realize this is not going to be a normal relationship where you go on dates every weekend and chill and watch movies every day.

   It would be good for you to talk with him and see if this is his normal workload.

   If you are okay with seeing him so little then it would be good for you to downgrade your expectations and find ways to spend more time with him that are less costly on his time, such as a telephone call instead of driving here and back.

   But if you haven’t seen them for two weeks and this relationship is only one month old it sounds like you aren’t okay with the way that things are going.