Last night my long-term gf fought against me opening a condom and then forced herself onto me with her legs wrapped around so I couldn’t back out despite my protests.
I’ve been with my gf for 3 years now and we’re quite serious (have been discussing marriage). She’s semi religious, so we don’t have sex often. She’s typically an extremely respectful and kind girl, but recently she has tried to make me feel bad the mornings after if I use a condom (ex: “my period is soon, you really shouldn’t have put that on”). I’ve explained before that I just feel more comfortable with one.
Nothing like last night has ever happened before, and I still just feel so violated. After some foreplay, she told me to just slide my dick in. When I grabbed a box of condoms she freaked out a bit and tried hitting them out of my hand. I was a bit stunned, but I managed to already grab one. I stood up but she grabbed my dick and wrapped her legs around me. I kept saying “no I really don’t feel comfortable” but it’s like something primal came over her. I froze and remember thinking “is she really gonna do this”. She did. I felt even worse because we don’t have sex often, so I worried that if I just threw her off me that things would get even worse in that regard. I pretended to enjoy it for a second so I could pull out quickly and put on a condom. She said “this is just for a sec, you can stop anytime” so I pulled out then and put one on. She got mad at me but we continued and then finished.
I’m just confused and hurt right now. She really is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met which is why I’m so caught off guard. Typically incredibly loving, understanding, thoughtful, etc. I have an idea for why she did this, but I almost feel ashamed to consider it. Although we’ve discussed marriage, I have to move soon for a new job and I’ve recently realized that I may be an atheist (she is Catholic). These two things postponed our potential wedding plans, and I know she’s worried about us breaking up (although I wouldn’t). Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together? I know this post makes our relationship sound pretty bad but it’s otherwise amazing. I really don’t know what to do or think right now.
TLDR: my girlfriend forced herself onto me when I tried using a condom despite my protests.
37 comments
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Forcing sex without protection is considered rape. This is serious. If you feel safe to do it, have a conversation with her about your feelings. I’d suggest breaking it off and seeing a therapist, that is a major overstep and sign of blatant disrespect. Not to mention its RAPE.
Dude, that’s rape. By reading this, I also think she did this to get pregnant by you and that’s a terrible way of going about it. You need to tell her to stop and if this happens again, you will take a step back from the relationship. A baby is not the way to go, to keep someone in your life.
You are not overreacting. You clearly indicated that use of a condom was a condition of your consent, and she disregarded your wishes. I don’t know if it’s technically rape or not, but it’s damn sure a violation of your trust and absolutely NOT okay. There is no such thing as a religious justification for that behaviour either. My immediate thought, even before you mentioned the reasons to postpone a wedding, was attempted baby trap. You have every right to feel violated because that was a clear violation of your consent.
She got MAD at you for stopping to get a condom? She’s thinking thoughts you need to get to the bottom of before you even consider the idea of staying together, much less marrying such a sexually aggressive, disrespectful manipulator.
I think you’re right. She might want to use a pregnancy to keep you from moving. And if that’s the case, be careful.
I am so sorry that you went through that. I’m a rape victim and that is rape and i know that you think shes amazing and whatever but i highly suggest breaking things off with her. You deserve someone who will respect your boundaries.
It looks like she is trying to have baby.
It is really concerning
She raped you and is trying to trap you by getting pregnant. Imagine this was the other way round. When you knew she was at her most fertile you pinned her so she couldn’t move and put your bare penis inside her – even just for a minute. Imagine you told her that she could say no then got angry at her when she did…..
Wow. Honestly that would be a relationship ender for me. Imagine it in reverse and you would have no doubt, a male insisting you don’t need a condom but the woman wanting one. Rape is the worst part of this, no doubt, but don’t let it over shadow the fact she has no respect for your feelings / boundaries, she is manipulating you and 100% trying to baby trap you. And while I know it seems impossible, as a 3rd party I can’t help but wonder if she already is pregnant and trying to cover it up “as your baby”. Might be way out there but worth keeping in the back of your mind.
You’re not ready for marriage – don’t rush. And don’t tie yourself to mismatched libido before you take a good look through r/DeadBedrooms
Wow. If she’s capable of this, you need to get out of there. I’d even file charges, but that’s me. I’m not sure how that would play if she got pregnant.
Maybe she’ll settle down and behave normally once she’s pregnant. Or maybe she’ll turn into some different kind of psycho. You’re still young , it’s okay to write off a 3 year relationship. Is this still the woman you want to spend your life with ? And if not , is this the woman you want to spend your life paying child support to ?
Careful where you blow…
She raped you, you don’t need to talk her, you need to get away from her! Also it sounds like she’s trying to baby trap you into marrying her bc religion says so
Regardless of whether we call this rape or not, you still have a GF who ran roughshod over a very serious boundary of yours. As to what she was thinking, all I can say for certain is that she felt entitled.
A matter this serious means, no getting around it, you now have to face a stark choice. Say plainly that either entitled behavior ends, or the relationship ends. Or accept that you are the lesser of two equals.
Dude she is trying to get pregnant. I’m not sure if it’s because she wants to trap you or really wants a child. Either way, you were SA. It is no different that a woman saying no and a guy forcing himself anyways. There are conditions to sex and birth control is one of them. Having a child would give her power over you. Either through child support or making sure you stay with her.
You were raped. It doesn’t matter how nice she is. It is obvious she was trying to get something out of sex (to get pregnant).
Once a woman I just met asked me to not put the condom yet. We were both naked. I thought she wasn’t ready for sex and it was some kind of “I would like some more kissing and touching first”, so I obliged.
Then like in 10 seconds she asked me to go top. I went for the condom again, a little confused, but she told me “not yet” again.
She went on top, kissed some more, and started “playing”. I said “careful…” like “don’t put it in”. But she did.
She ride me like there was no tomorrow, like I was the last man on earth. My head went “wtf” for a moment and I got her down, put a condom and started again… but a couple of minutes later I just couldn’t get my mind out of what happened and my body just went “nah, not gonna play this” and I wasn’t able to continue having sex, if you know what I mean.
I told my therapist and she told me it was some sort of rape. I was “nah, I understand that’s bad but it’s not like she forced me”. She said “didn’t she?”. And it clicked.
Did she force you?
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t use violence or she’s physically weaker than you.
This is the first time I tell anyone else and it and the second time I talk about it: I’m pretty sure now, she did rape me.
I’m pretty certain that if a dude forces himself without a condom in a woman without consent is rape, so why would it be different the other way around.
You may not be as hurt from what happened, I wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean it was something else. It was what it was. The least thing you should do is confront her and describe everything as was to her. Let her sink the thought of what she did.
First of. That is rape.
Second. She is trying to get pregnant.
(If I had to gues, she probably cheated and got pregnant by some other dude and wants to pin a child on you.)
And most importantly. LEAVE. She doesnt respect you and it will only get worse.
If this was the other way around I guarantee you 1000% everyone here would be telling you to file a case with the authorities.
It’s rape and baby trapping you into marriage. Everyone would accept the marriage if a baby was involved.
This is rape , and she is trying to get pregnant
She’s literally trying to baby trap you, run dude.
I’m sorry dude, but that’s rape. I get where you come from because something like this happened when I was in a relationship with my past partner of 3 years. Kinda ironic there but it’s just going to happen over and over again. And it’ll severely damage your mental health if you stay any longer.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s rape. Please, please reach out to someone to talk about this. You’re not alone ❤️
She raped you. This is her best behaviour before trapping you in a marriage filled with abuse. You have to get out and live a happy life with someone who respects you and doesn’t abuse you.
dude she raped you, call the cops and gtfo
No consent = rape. She did not respect your condition to let you use a a condom. She’s also trying to baby trap you. Get outta there dude.
She’s not so loving if she did that to you OP. Please get away from this person asap
“No Means No”. There are no other considerations.
Another possibility? She cheated, contracted an STD, and now wants to be able to blame you when you develop symptoms. If it was a “wanna get pregnant” thing, she wouldn’t have let you stop.
You sound like an abuse victim who says everything thing is great except – they hit me sometimes – they say mean things sometimes – they are controlling sometimes – they won’t listen when I say no sometimes. What she did is WRONG. It was abuse. It is considered rape. She is by your own words maybe trying to trap you into this relationship. These are all deal breakers.
>Maybe she is so against protected sex recently because she wants to get pregnant and we have no choice but stay together?
Ding, ding, ding. I think this is the most probable reason. You need to really express your feelings to your gf but whe both are well rested and not before the act again or when you arr stressed.
This is a huge red flag and look like you need to sit down and discuss important things for a future life from now on, waht about kids, you want them to be indoctrinated into religion?, what about finances?, short term plans, etc.
Holy fuck, OP, what you describe is a HUGE red flag, and it definitely counts as sexual assault. When uncomfortable stuff happens, everyone imagines they’d be John McClane and Yippi-Kay-Ey their way out of it, but the truth is we just freeze in place because our brain can’t deal.
Also, can’t you see an obvious baby trap? This isn’t like Charlie hiding a spike pit in the deep jungle; this is staring you right in the face.
Finally, some of your comments just make your relationship seem odd? It sounds as if she’s using sex to control you, or as if your low-key resentful at how it’s playing out?
Are you even happy?
She sexually assaulted you. That’s a crime and unfortunately, not really discussed, but women can assault men too and it’s just as criminal as when a man is the perpetrator.
Also I do think that she’s trying to get pregnant to force you to stay in the relationship. That’s abuse and it’s called reproductive coercion. There’s nothing to talk with her anymore and no, she’s not amazing, at all. I’m so sorry this happened to you but please break up with her. I really do hope she didn’t result pregnant from her assault to you.
If this is real you should dump her. Not only does she not care about your boundaries but is most likely trying to baby trap you. Run, bro. Also, what she did is not legal and is considered a form of rape…
Sorry bro, she raped you. Consider getting some help with counselling and reporting her to the police.
Hey everyone, first of all thank you so much for the support and validation. It was hard to accept the feelings I had about the situation at first. Second, I have a big update:
I talked with my gf during her lunch break. She could tell something was wrong. When I explained the boundaries she crossed and that I didn’t initially consent last night, she freaked out and cried. I could tell she thought I was going to break up with her. She apologized a lot and said there was no excuse, but she explained herself. 2 months ago we had a discussion where I expressed that I didn’t feel wanted sexually. I guess because last night was going to be our last together for awhile, she wanted to prove how much she was into me. She explained she just got off her period, and didn’t want to use a condom so it would be more intimate. She said she accidentally forgot to tell me this. She also said she took my verbal and physical protests to be playful instead of real, that she didn’t realize how serious I was, and that she couldn’t see my body language because it was dark. She says she understands now and it wouldn’t happen again. I know these aren’t the best excuses (I’ve never playfully rejected sex) but it does make a lot more sense in relation to the woman I know her to be. I told her I just needed some time. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. Thanks again for the advice and support.
I actually can’t believe I’m reading this! Man, are you confused or what?
You are not overreacting. She is a rapist and not an ‘amazing’ Girl.