My boyfriend and I have recently joined an adult sports league where we go once a week and play. I am a little experienced in the sport and he had never played it. Everyone was very nice and helped get us acclimated. There is a woman there who is clearly very involved in the league who is being particularly helpful with him.
We’ve gone a few times now and in those times, she has physically touched him (wrapping her arms around him to help with his ‘technique’ and taking every opportunity to high five him). I notice she didn’t do this with anyone else. His name is Mathew, he introduced himself as Mathew. She calls him Matty, something no one has done since he was a child. While playing, she will say things like “oh, someone’s been working out.” And compliment his arms. He is not good at the sport yet, he’s only played a handful of times, but she keeps telling him how good he’s doing (I know on its face that sounds normal, but at one point even the organizer looked at her confused and said “what are you talking about? That play was terrible)
My boyfriend brought up the first few times she touched him with me later and I asked if he was comfortable, not thinking much more than that because I don’t like people touching me. Last time we went he brought up to me that she told him THREE times that day that the guy she had come there with was her brother. During the session he was very flirty with my and rushed to my side to hold my hand and put his arm around me when he could. The other day he brought up that he felt a little less weird because other people started touching him too, which I didn’t see tbh. I asked again if he was uncomfortable and if he wanted me to do something about it, I would. But we haven’t explicitly talked about how her actions are coming off as flirtatious.
I’m not a warden or anyones mother. I don’t want to tell him what to do or have to constantly watch to see if everything is smooth sailing. We are both new, he LOVES going, and I would hate to cause tension and make it less enjoyable for him by either him or me confronting her about it. I’m only human, of course I have fleeting thoughts of something going on (if I don’t nip it in the bud) even though he is the BEST boyfriend. And like, at some point, this chick is disrespecting me with her antics and if not for Matt’s personality (chill and likable), I would have called it out weeks ago. I’m just not sure how to navigate this.
3 comments
Perhaps the best way to navigate it is to ask your bf to blow her off a bit better, while also giving you big hugs and kisses near her so she gets the point.
I think this is one of those scenarios where it isn’t on you to do anything. Matthew needs to shut it down himself. whether he goes down the suble route of being affectionate with you and ignoring her or he is more direct and tells he he doesn’t like her touching him like that Whatever he chooses it’s on him to address it
It’s not up to you at all. This is up to Maty to halt.