My boyfriend (M22) and I (F21) have been dating for a year and are in a long distance relationship. He is very introverted and has had a friend group on discord. They are a mixed group, just know each other online, have been friends for like 4 years or so and mainly just game together. After we started dating, he naturally spent less time gaming. This one girl from that group would sometimes text him stuff like “I miss you” or “I love you” after he would help her with a project. He always told me about it and it seemed really harmless to me because she would say it to the other guys as well. I felt like she was just one of those people that feel the need to express that to their friends. Also it did not happen a lot. My boyfriend thought it was weird and never said it back. They were on a call a couple of times because he was helping her with a university project again. I was next to him and the conversation felt so normal. I did not care.
A couple of months ago, when I was using his phone to message his friend for him, he got a notification on Snapchat. I told him about it and he said I can check it for him. It was from another friend but I accidentally clicked on the chat under it which was the chat between him and this girl. It was not a recent conversation but I saw that he wished her happy birthday, replied to her selfie she had posted and called her “sooo prettyyyy”. I felt like shit seeing that because I never thought he would text another girl and compliment her. I honestly never expected it from him because I thought he is not that kind of person and I think he would feel bad if I texted another guy and called him handsome as well.
I confronted him and he told me he felt bad for her because she was excluded from the group a couple of times and apparently was dealing with depression. He used to as well. Plus she is a few years younger than us and he always thought of her as a little sister. I really feel hurt because of how we defined our relationship. He apologized, explained the reason and told me he wouldn’t do it again. But somehow it does not feel enough. So I check discord this time on his phone and read the chat between them to look for more. Before him and I knew each other they, in fact, used to talk to each other in a very romantic way, in my opinion. Him telling her that he would never leave her (because the others from the group excluded her), they want to hug each other when they meet and so on. It was not many conversations that went like this though and it seemed that it died out pretty quickly. Other than that they were barely texting each other. For me this is extremely weird and I feel like they were both probably super depressed and kind of just had each other. I don’t know though.
All I know is that this happened months ago and I still feel bothered whenever I think about it. I just want to let it go but I just feel so weird about it. I have to be fair and say that I have a hard time letting go of the past though. Anyways thanks to anyone who read this and comments their opinion. I appreciate it.
10 comments
Uhhh I think you’re overreacting.
Aw, he gave a nice compliment.
Can we talk to your bf? You sound like you have alot to work on before you continue this relationship and he needs learn not to apologize to people when he didn’t do anything wrong, its enabling your toxic behavior.
Yeah, I think you need to check yourself.
Good chance this is totally innocent. Of course, we don’t know the guy….
I really don’t think you have much to worry about.
After all, your boyfriend trusted you to go through his phone — more than once — and if he really had anything to hide which would knowingly make you stress out, he wouldn’t do that.
He trusted you.
The least you can do is the same for him.
And yes, you really need to let go of this. Easier said than done, I know, but let it fade into the past, and enjoy the present with him.
I can understand you! Please talk to him and ask him what kind of friendship they have.
If you don’t want this kind of friendship – and it’s your boundary, tell him.
If it doesn’t bother you that much, let it go.
Just decide what you feel. No one can tell you how you should feel
I don’t know why people are being so fucking rude and trying to belittle your very normal feelings about this but, in total complete honesty, the manner in which he said what he said doesn’t sound malicious at all! And I think the fact that he’s very open with you about you using his phone is extremely telling. If he had anything to hide whatsoever that wouldn’t be happening. You guys have talked about it and I think it’s time to leave it in the past and if you really can’t shake it maybe bring it up to him again in a simple conversation
It seems innocent to me. Have you considered speaking to a professional about this before it eats you alive? I’m sure you know, rationally, that your partner will always find other people attractive and that’s ok! This is more of a problem with how you see yourself in this relationship? It’s normal to struggle sometimes. Don’t worry.
I would not have liked it neither and probably would be suspicious as hell all of the time over HER and just any girl. No, You won’t move on from it. I will tell you right now. LDR and also many red flags you may see or not see, Trust issues and the past haunting you like hell. Good luck.