So me(22F) & my friend (21M) have been friends for almost a year now, he’s easily the closest friend I have; we talk frequently, spent most of our time together, plus I know & love all his family (I actually befriended his mom before the two of us met)
Fast forward to the past couple months, & we’ve become that pair that everyone around them swears they’re already dating, not to their knowledge, however, we basically are: we go out on dates, hold hands, cuddle for hours on end talking about nothing in particular or just sitting in silence, we’ve had several “almost kisses” (like just barely brushing our lips while cuddling) & even said “I love you” a time or two, granted the first time he said it on accident, it was raining pretty hard, & while helping me in my car he just blurted it out while saying bye, I said it back, but I don’t think I was heard over the rain- I know, I know, straight out a fucking romcom, right?
Anyway, I say all that to give context that we most definitely look like a couple, certainly feels like one to me, but a week or so ago, I worked up the nerve to mention that maybe we should just make things official, & he told me that he doesn’t think he could do long-distance- context: I’m moving soon, at the soonest, in a couple months, & at the latest, in 6 months- so we’d go from basically down the street from each other to an hour & a half.
This move isn’t up for debate, not that he’s tried to sway me one way or the other, I just feel it’s important to say that I *am* going through with it; I moved away from my home town for many reasons last year, & I miss it, my friends, & family dearly.
It hurt, but I’ll respect his decisions, & if long-distance isn’t something that he thinks would work for him, then that’s his choice, but that being said, after our initial “talk” (we didn’t really talk, more so that it was pretty late when I was finally able to get the words out, so after a brief back & forth, he said we’d talk more on it later)
Anyway, after our “not quite a talk” talk: nothing…
It’s been a couple weeks, but we still haven’t talked about it, but we’re still cuddling, holding hands, Eskimo kisses- the whole shebang.
But he apparently doesn’t want a relationship…? But he still wants to be intimately close with me (he’s straight up said that he enjoys holding me, but he *also* said whenever I tried to drop hints that we should date, that friends can hold each other & cuddle too, & while I agree; not to the level that we do)
All I can assume is that he doesn’t want a relationship with me, but he still wants to be physically affectionate- am I the asshole for wanting to put a little (literal) distance between us? I still hug him, I still sit next to him, I just make sure to cap it at a friendly level, but I can tell he’s trying to nudge me to be more physically affectionate, & I feel like I’m being led on here.
I want a relationship; I want to be with him specifically, but if he doesn’t want the same, then I want some space between us to clear the air, cause he’s still my best friend, but this is messing with my head.
No, he’s not intentionally doing it to hurt me, or play with my feelings; he genuinely cares about me, but he’s never been in a relationship or anything close to one before, so I could see it being that he just didn’t realize what he was doing to my feels, but still…
I know communication is key, & I do plan to try & talk it out, lay all my cards on the table some more before I give up hope on us, but it’s honestly fading quick.
TL;DR What do you guys do when it comes to having a “just a friend” friend? How do you work it out?