My girlfriend and I were planning an all-inclusive trip in a few weeks, but now she wants to do a similar trip with her friend. She still wants to go on a trip with me after the trip with her friend, but Idk if I want to anymore. There’s a few things that bother me with the situation.
Firstly, when I was planning the trip with her she wanted to keep the budget unrealistically low. She kept complaining that she didn’t have money for the trip with me, but now somehow she wants to do two trips in a month? It feels like she didn’t really want to travel with me and was trying to make it so that the trip doesn’t happen so she could save money and go with her friend.
Secondly, I’m not sure I want to go with her anymore because our trip was going to be a lot more slow pace and calm. We would still get drunk and have fun, but Idk if we would go to any club or bar like she would with her friend. I feel like she won’t enjoy our trip as much because Ik that she really wants to party at an all-inclusive and she would do more of that with her friend. I also understand that traveling/partying with your friends is different than with your boyfriend, so I’m all for her going with her friend. However, I don’t want her to go on a second trip with me just because she feels bad that she’s also going with a friend before. I’d prefer not going on a trip altogether so that she doesn’t waste her money. Honestly, I find it a little redundant for her to go on a second all-inclusive trip. I don’t mind if she goes on a trip with her friend, but don’t really want her to do the same trip with me right after.
How to say this without making her feel bad or her canceling her girl’s trip to make me happy?
TL;DR My girlfriend and I were planning a trip together, but she decided she wants to do a similar trip right before our trip. I’m frustrated because she was complaining she could spend that much on a trip with me, but now wants to do two trips. Also worried she won’t have as much fun with me right after coming back from a trip with her friend.
6 comments
What do you want out of the interaction of saying something to her, if you say you don’t want her to feel bad or cancel her girls’ trip? Why legit are you worried she wouldn’t have as much fun with you? How long have you been together?
Is she a people pleaser? It sounds like she maybe put too much on her plate because she didn’t know how to say no to her friend. Honestly, I’d rather party with my bf because he is my best friend, but maybe it’s just me. I have to ask, why is it that she would have more fun with her friends than with her boyfriend? (This is just a hypothetical, I’m not trying to make you overthink).
This sounds really frustrating, especially if you had the plans before her and her friend. It’s honestly really unfair of her to create this situation. I think it’s possible she’ll feel bad either way, so the best thing you can do is be honest. “I feel like we won’t be able to have the trip we wanted if you are also paying for your friends trip. I’m not upset at you, but maybe we can go sometime in the future when you don’t have other commitments”. Obviously don’t lie and say you aren’t mad if you aren’t, but you get what I mean.
Just change your mind about the trip, no explanation needed, merely a change of mood.
Just tell her that you’re upset she wants to do an extremely similar trip with her friend only a week before your trip, and that you’d prefer her to just commit to one of them for financial reasons and to make it feel special- up to her to pick.
Different take from most here… you sound very insecure and maybe are letting that get in the way of a healthy relationship. Not sure why you think that trip will affect your trip? From your comments sounds like while the destination is similar, it would be a very different vibe and different activities so don’t feel so threatened? She wants to go on the trip with you, and also take one with her friend – nbd.
Could it be after y’all planned your trip she realized there were quite a few things she was interested in doing that you were not, and maybe while venting or talking to her friend, they realized if they took a trip too she could end up doing both?
I do different things with different people, even at the same places. Like when I go shopping w my female BFF A, we hit a ton of stores, look at everything, walk around, scour for stuff and talk the entire time. We rarely actually buy anything but we share a lot of news and catch up and have a blast. When I go w my male BFF C, we go to 1 or 2 very specific stores, grab only the items we want, and then settle down at the food court for lunch, and we always get dessert after. We talk and share as well, and also have a blast.
Maybe you planning your trip together just gave her a ton of ideas you didn’t like and her friend was free to join in then. I can’t explain how the cost thing would work into this imaginary explanation, but maybe you could ask her? Be casual and just express your concerns, just like you did here. “Hey hon, I’m a little nervous about our trip now that you planned one w your friend. Do you think things will be less fun if you’ve already done them with your friend first? I’m just concerned that maybe it will be a very different experience than we originally thought and I don’t want you to be bored after a faster paced vacation with your friend in the same place. Do you feel like that’s a possibility?”
And just see what she says. Maybe she did it on purpose? Maybe she wants to be more familiar so she can pick better places with you? Maybe she wanted to get the partying out of her system first so she could enjoy a more intimate time with you without feeling like she’s missing out? Maybe she hadn’t even considered it and it was just kinda of a spontaneous idea that started snowballing. If she feels the same after you express your concerns, you can suggest postponing your trip if you’re OK w that, or going somewhere different if you haven’t already booked. That way the focus is on her feelings and you’re being flexible with options that don’t include canceling her friend trip. If she doesn’t like those options but agrees that there’s an issue, she should offer to change/cancel her trip with friend or come up with an alternative. But you offered some other options out of goodwill first and that should count for something. Good luck!