I met this girl at college 2 years ago. We shared the same class and started talking and hanging out. Eventually we made it official 3 months later and we’ve been very happy together since. She is gorgeous, smart, funny, and very caring. So I didn’t expect what happened 2 nights ago to happen to me. She’s done a lot for me and made it very clear that she loves me and wants to be with me so I had no feelings of insecurity or mistrust. We’ve discussed exclusivity passively before and agreed on it. Also, this is my first serious relationship. I do not have much experience with women so I don’t really know how to handle this. I feel embarrassed, disgusted, shocked, hurt, angry, and betrayed.
I went to visit her and walked into her apartment when I heard moaning. I slowly walked upstairs to see and hear my girl getting fucked by this guy known around campus. I had no idea he was talking to her or even knew her. I slowly put on my shoes and ran back to my car. I actually cried in there for 5 mins before driving away. Later that night she had the audacity to text me “goodnight, I love you :)”.
I felt so fucking betrayed that night. I’ve never felt lower than those few hours after seeing what I saw. It opened up feelings of insecurity I had addressed and thrown away years ago.
I am not the most social or most charismatic guy, but I have enough self respect and self awareness to realize that I cannot be with her any more and need to break up with her ASAP. I have thought about it a lot and do NOT want to confront her about her actions. She has no idea that I know about her cheating on me. I don’t want to look her in the eyes and tell her we’re done and be humiliated all over again. She also is quite popular in the campus and would probably make my life hell and turn all of my friends against me.
What excuse could I use to break up totally from this cheater? I don’t want her to resent me or be angry at me because I’m terrible with those kind of situations. I want to make it look like it was me who didn’t want to continue the relationship. I was thinking about doing it over text claiming that I’m just not feeling the same about her. I mean if she is willing to fuck other guys when she’s with me, she probably wouldn’t care right? Has anyone ever dealt with something like this before? Any advice?
tl;dr: gf cheated and I want to break up, idk how to do it
30 comments
“Remember when you were having sex with some dude on Tuesday at around 4? Yeah, I saw that. We’re done, bye.” Sounds good to me.
just shoot her a text “i saw campusguy fucking you, i left and we are done” who cares how she feels here, she cheated on you. she should feel something for causing that kind of pain.
Tell her you saw her having sex with another guy, so you’ll be going on about your life without her. If she has anything at your place or you have stuff at hers, get it back/to her asap. Then block her.
A very public social media post seems appropriate. No mercy.
Life is full of difficult decisions and isolation. Get used to it.
Bro it’s more shameful being the cheater
If you believe she is bad enough of a person to humiliate you afterward, then she is definitely shameless enough of a person to quickly begin dating that guy (or someone else) very publicly, which would still tune everyone into that fact that you likely got cheated on. It is a lot more logical and safer for you to just break up with her citing the real reason. Honestly if your friends side with her too after that, they probably knew what she was doing and that’s just as painful as her actions (and that would make me not want them as my friends)! College isn’t forever too and making new friends (if need be!) is possible. I hope you can find healing for yourself after this betrayl, and I’m sorry it happened
The idea of making up a story about why you’re breaking up seems unnecessarily complicated to me and will cause other problems socially later on. If/when people find out *you* lied about something (which they will) then it will hurt your credibility to her benefit.
I agree with others, normally it would be disrespectful to break up via text, but you’ve already been disrespected more seriously by her.
I would just send a text that you know she’s been cheating on you and it’s over.
You should also talk to a counselor/therapist because this sounds like a potentially traumatic event and they can help you process it in a healthy way that will help reduce/prevent the negative effects of trauma like nightmares etc…
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s especially awful that you had to see and hear it. I would make it a swift breakup and try not to have too much more contact with her. I hope you have friends and family to talk with. Sending hugs.
Tell her it straight.
There are soooo many ways you could do this, the one that gives you the best revenge is to serve it cold. Escalate things, get engaged, then start banging her sister/cousin/friends, really go to town, try it on with her mum, even her grandma and make a wedding date, make the guy she cheated with the ‘best man’ at the altar drop the bombshell that you don’t want to marry her or even know her past telling her in sordid detail who you cheated on her with after finding out about how she fucked the best man. Drop the mic live your life champion, it is your world she just lives in it 😛
Also my first gf was a cheating lowlife so I hear you.
You just slip out the back, Jack
“I hate to do this by text, but I don’t think I can continue with this relationship anymore. It’s not you, it’s me, I just need to find myself in someone else, and I’m not seeing a future for me with you. I hope you understand, I really don’t want to discuss it anymore, so this is goodbye. Take care, I’m sure there’s a great guy out there for you somewhere.”
Grow a fucking back bone and confront her my dude. This whole post reeks of pathetic. If she’s as popular as you say then dumping her with no good reason won’t save your friendships. They’ll hate you regardless. At least some people may have sympathy for you if they know the truth, as oppose to all having sympathy for her. If your friends drop you over you getting cheated on then good riddance, they aren’t the sort of people you want to have in your life. Grow a fucking spine, grow up, put on your bigboy pants and dump her. Seriously.
Text her and have fun with it.
You: Hey gf, did you have anyone over at your house x day/time?
Her: (literally says anything)
You: ohh okay, well I talked to some friends and I don’t really feel this relationship anymore.
Then leave it.
The reason this works is because a) she will think someone told you b) she will work herself up with worry, that she rightfully deserves.
Honestly just be straight up. Tell her what you saw, that it hurt you, and you can’t see a future with her anymore. Tell her you wish her no Ill will but you can’t go on knowing she hurt you like that. If you’re friends side with her they were never your friends to begin with
I would definitely tell her it’s because of what you saw. I understand feeling embarrassed, but you shouldn’t be. She should be the embarrassed one. She cheated on you while in a committed relationship, for anyone to say anything other than something nice to you, is not someone you want to be friends with anyway? Cut those people out of your life if you truly believe they will shame you for being cheated on. That’s not even just bad friends, that’s bad people. Who cares if she is “popular”? Doesn’t mean a thing. If you go the route of just “losing feelings” or whatever, she could flip it around on you to make you look like the AH. And if you then try to say how she cheated after, could backfire and make you look like a jealous ex who wants to cause her life harm. Be honest from the get-go. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. She didn’t cheat because something is wrong with you, she cheated because she is insecure and needs to find validation to make herself feel like she is worth something. And this is all coming from a 23F. Please don’t think that this is your fault, anyone who judges you for this or is an AH to you is not someone you want to be around.
Let me preface this with the fact that I’m very sorry that this happened to you. Being cheated on really hurts and it will take a lot of time to rebuild trust towards any potential partners in the future. My condolences.
However, I’m reading all these comments and you’re worried about how your “friends” might see you if you break up with her after she cheated on you?.. Seriously, have some self-respect.
Her behaviour was/is disgusting. If your so called friends side with her over you, then they’re not your friends. They’re hers. Are you so desperate for their companionship that you’re willing to snub yourself? You’re better than that. There are people out there that will appreciate you for who you are. You just haven’t met them yet.
Tell her it’s over because you saw her fucking some other guy and find new friends that actually appreciate and care about you. It’s not easy, but it’s better than being a doormat. You might not *look* like a loser if you end things in a roundabout way, but you know in your heart of hearts what you would be.
Viscously. Make sure you leave emotional scars just as if not deeper than what she gave you. Make sure she knows she’s a vile human
Wow, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how emotionally traumatizing it is to actually see this kind of thing. If you want my advice, just send her a short text. You don’t have any obligation to her to break up in person. Be honest, inform her that you saw the cheating take place and your ending the relationship because of it. Then block her, and be done with the whole affair. You have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed, I’d leave that to your ex…
What excuse? No need for excuse. The best answer to all that is showing indifference. Go NC while she is desperately trying to understand what’s happening to her.
Yes, some people in college sucks. They make getting cheated on is being a simp, man or woman.
The only way is keeping your head high. That’s what irks them to see that the one they tried to torment is not effected. Deep inside ,no one wants to get cheated on but everybody handles it differently.
At this age or any age, the best tactic is indifference in the face of adversity and stoicism.
First, i am super HAPPY to see that you have a sense of self worth and standards. That is HUGE! So my first layer of advice is NEVER lose that about yourself. That alone is an attractive quality to women.
Second, no excuse needed. I would definitely air on the side of 0 confrontation. But honesty is the best policy. I know its cliché to say, but its true.
I have been in a similar situation, and until you express how you’re feeling 100% it’ll never officially help you to overcome that feeling. I never usually recommend ending things via text message. But i feel a verbal conversation is reasonable.
Maybe something like “hey. So i found out something, and i just need to let you know how i feel so that we both can move forward as maturely as possible.”
Its NEVER an easy conversation but it is a very, VERY necessary one.
I hope it all goes well love
With Love, Brii xoxo
>What excuse could I use to break up totally from this cheater? I don’t want her to resent me or be angry at me because I’m terrible with those kind of situations.
Seriously?! She is cheating on you and you don’t know how to break up with her because you don’t want her to resent you?!
I was once in this situation too.
It was really hard to break up with someone who has such power around campus.
The fear of not being able to make friends or finding another lover because of someone’s action.
I broke up with my ex and started doing what I always was passionate about.
She slander my name in her circle.
HER CIRLE.
Your name only becomes tainted in her circle of affiliations.
You will find people who like the same things you do, same mindset, morals, and will have a greater bond with them than your ex.
I found my current girlfriend doing what I love and have been going strong for 3+ years now.
You need to get out of that mindset because no one gives a fuck about you.
You should only be caring for yourself because at the end of the day, you will be the only one there for yourself.
Stop caring about what others think.
It will tear you apart.
If your friends choose her side, they were never your friend.
Most friends are temporary.
Stop putting so much value into your friendships.
How you should break up with her is leaving her with no closure.
Let her do the imaging of herself.
It will cause a reflection phase of the relationship between her and you.
She always was going to cheat on you from the start.
For a woman who cheats, they emotionally become attach to someone before cheating.
For men who cheat, they can have sex with other women mindlessly and still love their significant other.
Don’t value someone else more over you.
Omg OP I’m very sad and hate to hear that she made you cry like that , you sound like a very sweet and wholesome human I’m terribly sorry that happened to you . I hate her . You even didn’t call her names 😭😭😭😭 I just wanna say the thing that helped me heal was not listening to any kind of sad music I know it’s hard but I’m sure you can . Also Just talk about it to anyone anywhere you can. Get it out , pour it out. Talk about it enough to get used to it. Talking about it helps you heal . Also when you feel the most down, search for topics like “my wife cheated on me / I miss my cheater ex so bad / my husband cheated on me/ I miss my narcissist ex on Google and add quora/ reddit at the end of that .
Reading ppls sad and bitter experiences and being shared in their grief helps you incredibly to heal, that feeling that you are not alone helps you a lot . And the last piece of advice that I desperately wish you take it very seriously is please not stay up after 9 otherwise you will have a very tough night. You are your own parent now you should take extra good care of your pretty self . It shall pass you got this, just stay strong
My friend.
Self respect is what you need.
Learn to love and respect yourself, I read way too many of these and they break my heart.
She is wrong not you, you should not be embarrassed, you should not even worry about saving face there is nothing to worry about.
Tell her exactly why you’re breaking up, be direct and be assertive.
And don’t listen to the bullshit that will follow.
Looking on the bright side, you are in collage! Learn from this life lesson and enjoy the long and exciting life to come with other people who don’t lie and manipulate you. (And cheat on you, obviously)
Also bonus credit if you hit the gym, will improve your confidence, and mental health, plus aids in social status and dating life tremendously.
Seriously, Love yourself, you deserve it homie.
Who cares if she gets upset with you. Separate all your belongings. Text her the following
“I regret to inform you that we will no longer be in a relationship anymore. After careful consideration, I think it will be best to go no contact. I wish you the best . Please do not contact me.”
Then block her.
Tell your friends first and ask them to keep it private and beat her to the punch then text her. You don’t have to talk to her since she’s a cheater
Just message her and say we are done because you don’t love her and ghost her on everything. then go get yourself some therapy however if she starts pestering you about “getting back together” just say you went to her apartment when she had male company. It’ll shut her up quickly.
you dont need to justify your breakup. just tell her its over and when she asks why, you can tell her to think about her actions. cut off the conversation and leave
“This isn’t working for me any more, I want to break up.” If she asks why, tell her you know about the cheating. You don’t need an excuse. If people question you, call her out. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself.