We met our first year of college, and have hung out every day for those two years. He dropped out and was depressed for a bit. But still visited me daily and slept in my dorm bed with me so he didn’t have to go home. He had slept with a friend of mine but she was crazy and we both don’t talk to her anymore. I have been seeing people FWB style at this time but nothing huge. This is over a two year period here: half way through year two I realize I am developing feelings. Kept it to myself but ended up telling him over the phone one night because he noticed I was acting weird. He did not feel the same but pur friendship was stronger.
Fast forward a year, and then after COVID in 2021 and heading back to campus after being online, he had facetimed me every day sometimes all day and night. I had moved to a different state to work while in online school, dated a guy, but he still called me every day and talked with me. Ultimately he talked to me more than my boyfriend at that time.
He bought a house with his college fund and I came up to live with him and finish school. We have been in the same house every day for almost two years now, I still have a year left after this summer (5yr).
He has slept in my bed every night, touches me and holds my hand, pulls me in for hugs etc.
I gave him head one night because we are in such close quarters. And its become pretty regular, I enjoy it. I am a very giving person. But he does not want to sleep with me its weird, he says I can ride him but I don’t want to just ride him. I want to be touched and felt and share an experience not just bounce until he’s good. At that point head is better, or he can just jerk off yaknow. I did ride him and it wasn’t bad, he took charge once towards the end. But no kissing and I was backwards so no eye contact. No talking. And when I tried after that, with enthusiasm no luck.
This has been 5 years in the making, and we have had several talka about our dymanic. Because he wants to date other girls but is shy and doesn’t like going out or drinking or anything hookup culture related. And I am at the point where I’ve been there and done all of that and know I want long term life partner.
I have fallen in love with this guy over and over and I think I fall out due to him not reciprocating and such, so I pull away. But thats when he chases. Its a very annoying circle.
All of our friends refer to us together, we are like a pair. They ask why we aren’t dating to me, they call us an old married couple. His parents have even made those comments and his father called me a housewife.
Our last talk was a month and a half ago, I feel neglected physically. But he provides everything else for me. I pay rent and we split bills and he buys our groceries. He always asks if I want something or need anything. He makes plans for the future with me: this is the hardest. Because we are planning the dream life homesteading. But I feel like I am just a placeholder lately.
As our dreams are starting to be laid out and planned. I asked why I should move with him and he got sad, and I elaborated saying I don’t want to move with him and have him find another girl and I have to leave. And he just says why don’t I find a guy then? Like I’m not doing that already, I still date and don’t hook yo much anymore but I could if I wanted too. I feel like how he treats me is just flying over his head. He also said, its not that he doesn’t want to date me because he does. But he is unsure if he’s attracted to me. Which is crazy, like I never knew those words could be put in a sentence that way. Sent me for a loop!
I can understand that but in any relationship this happens. I am mature enough to recognize that, people change and grow. But love is a choice you choose to stick with someone every day, its a partnership. I have gained and lost weight since Ive known him. So maybe that is why, but right now I am the smallest and fittest I have ever been. And still improving daily- I lift and run. He has noticed but its not enough. I am starting to feel angry and I don’t want to feel that way.
He chooses me daily but wont touch me to return the favor. And I can kiss his cheek or touch him or anything he does, but god forbid we ever kiss or he returns the favor it feels like. I dont know how to talk about this with him as we have before. I love him and our relationship and our home and life. We refer to everything as ours. But I feel like I am just waiting to be left even though I’m really trying not to wait.
If it helps also, he has only slept with a handful of people and had 2 long term GFs in high school before college. But those girls were basically given to him is how he explains it as they were daughters of his parents best friends. So they’re always in his life in one way or another, mentioned, family events. And he had plans to marry the last one but they broke off to go to college, and she “crushed his heart” almost 4 years ago. Since then he hasn’t tried to see anyone else but me..
I guess I just don’t understand the motive and non motive at all. Very confusing.
Any advice appreciated, I hope this makes sense as this is a highly condensed version of our story.
2 comments
Your relationship with him is completely emotionally one-sided and unreciprocated. It must be hard after spending so much time with someone and putting in so much effort, but from what I can see, he is unwilling to give that back to you. And helping pay rent and holding your hand doesn’t count. You are a giving person but deserve to be given in return. Once you date someone who reciprocates that you will feel it and understand. I guarantee someone else will do that for you. You don’t want to waste your time and effort into someone like this when you could be giving it to someone who will appreciate you and love you back
I feel sad for you you are being used.
You can do so much better.
He is not a friend friends dont do that. Sorry