Me (30m) and a friend (35 ENBY) had gone on a few dates and agreed to meet for dinner at their place and a few scenes. I’ll spare you the specific details but it included a ton of negotiation to start, some petplay, and then prostate stimulation. The night culminated in us running out of time due to an agreed upon endpoint, and them telling me to masturbate to orgasm to finish things quickly while being pounded in the butt with a toy, where I was ultimately unable to orgasm due to nerves and time pressure. I feel we had fun and chemistry even if the activities weren’t the most successful as I didn’t end up climaxing (which I don’t mind) and they didn’t really get into the pet play, but the next morning I wake up to a message stating that they just don’t feel we’ll work out as play partners although we should remain friends.
Don’t get the wrong idea: **I respect that choice as their choice to make, and I did not try to argue or dissuade them from it**. I responded stating that if they ever changed their mind I’d be there but I would not pursue the topic again out of respect. I knew this was a possibility as they did make it clear this was a test run of our compatibility, but from how well things were going I thought that wasn’t going to happen, so when it did I’m hurt and confused as to why. I can understand not wanting to do the same activities if they weren’t enjoyable, or planning our time better to avoid the abrupt ending, or all sorts of other alterations to improve in the future. Totally cutting things off though? I don’t get it, that only seems reasonable if the problem is me and not fixable, which again, we’re staying friends, respected our negotiated limits, and we were both seeming to have fun so I’m not sure what aspect of myself that they might have found so repulsive. I just feel devastated as despite having fun I seem to have failed some hidden test that wasn’t communicated, and when I asked I got silence. **How can I process this feeling of complete rejection and wondering how I might have offended so terribly they decided I was completely friendzoned?**
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TLDR: Had a fun night with a friend turned prospective partner, thought it had gone great, was told next morning they didn’t want to be anything more than friends anymore without explanation and I’m having a hard time processing this hurt.