Climbing through advice and mental health subreddits right before bed is a bad habit of mine, and this question has been on my mind for a while: you see plenty of advice, on this sub and others, that at some point when dealing with friends or loved ones that are living through extremely tough times but can’t or won’t take the steps to help themselves, that a reasonable person should cut them off before they drag you down with them. They have to want to get better, no one but them can solve their problems, all that. It’s hard but ultimately the best decision you could make for yourself and maybe even for them. Like I said, common wisdom.
If the shoe is on the other foot and you’re the one who can’t or won’t get better for whatever reason, *and that’s not going to change*, then doesn’t it follow that the best thing you could do for your friends and loved ones at that point is to cut them all off so you don’t drag them down with you? I would appreciate if people engaged with the premise of the question rather than get lost in tangents about change, life advice, etc., or at least engage with the question along with the rest. Asking here for a more practical, emotionally mature set of viewpoints.
6 comments
From personal experience I would advise you not to read social media or the news right before you go to sleep.
If you need to clear your mind to fall asleep a low dram novel or a piece of non-fiction is a better choice.
No, toxic and hopeless people should *not* isolate themselves from interacting with friends and family. That will only make it harder for them to get better.
Such people should get professional help to get better and to have less of a need to vent their problems on the people in their lives.
Looks like you answered your own question lol.
>….can’t or won’t take the steps to help themselves…
This condition is the crucial issue. It is so easy to state but so difficult to recognize. It is not black and white.
Many people live in the grey area between fixing their problems and not fixing them. They struggle to help themselves, sometimes succeeding a little bit for a short time.
The problem is being able to recognize their limited successes.
Ultimately, OP, I think that you are asking the wrong question. Of course you should avoid people who can’t or won’t take the steps to help themselves. That is a no brainer.
The question that you/we should be asking is how to recognize the people who are trying and those who are not.
I believe those with a good social and support structure generally fare better than those who are isolated and alone.
…anecdotally…the toxic individuals in my life never recognize their own toxicity.
>doesn’t it follow that the best thing you could do for your friends and loved ones at that point is to cut them all off so you don’t drag them down with you?
No, I think you should allow them to make that choice on their own.
I don’t know if you’re thinking of a specific scenario or not, but in general I disagree with your premise that someone “can’t or won’t get better for whatever reason, and that’s not going to change.” Unless you’re Doctor Strange and can view all possible outcomes, there’s always a chance.