My boyfriend (18m) and I (18f) are in a fresh relationship. We have been talking since December 2021, but he asked me out in March 2022. I’m concerned with the amount of time we spend fighting. It wasn’t like this before. The first two months of our official relationship had the occasional argument here and there, but ever since I graduated, we’ve been spending more time together. This has led to two weeks of nonstop arguing over little things and then making up. I’m tired, he’s tired, we’re all tired. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to break up with him. He’s my first boyfriend and I love him. I’ll admit, a lot of the arguments are started by me getting mad, but he is to blame too. I just don’t know what to do. It’s exhausting. Does anyone have any tips or advice? 🙁
TLDR: have been arguing with boyfriend nonstop for two weeks and need advice
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Something similar has happened on two occasions with my boyfriend throughout the course of our relationship. Both a couple weeks on seemingly continuous arguments. Most pointless and small. I felt I was justified in the ones I started, he did as well. Both times he approached me about the fighting and together we were able to figure out the cause of the fights. The first started after some insecurities were raised and the second when I’d been missing him ironically. I felt like he approached it in the best way possible. “We’ve been fighting nonstop…I’m exhausted so I know you must be too…when did this start…why did this start…etc.” I really appreciated that our relationship was worth an uncomfortable and hard conversation. It would’ve been way easier to just breakup. This is also my first boyfriend and the worst of that was in the beginning. We almost never fight now. I will say that relationships and conflict are a lot about picking your battles and letting things go. Early on to my friends I was really picking apart every little thing that annoyed me. Which sounds awful since I really love him. One of my friends thoughtfully pointed out that if someone she was dating had that many complaints and she knew about it she’d want them to move on to someone else they had less complaints about and I thought that was fair. I realized after that I was nitpicking him and the relationship and that this wasn’t going to work longterm. It made me a lot more aware of my thoughts and when I was being petty. Being aware that you’re doing something is half the battle I’ve found. Suddenly the things that annoyed me didn’t seem so bad. Things that made me mad not so aggravating. The more you focus on things the worse they seemed so when I spent less time obsessing I was wayyyy happier. So I guess open communication over the problem/grievances, patience, and picking your battles.