For the first time in my life I’ve (25,m) been close to having a relationship with someone (25,F). We saw each other for a couple of months, I asked if she wanted to take things further and she said it was difficult because I was living at home. Ended up not moving out for another couple of months as I was struggling with mental health issues, and due to both of us being on holiday we haven’t seen each other since April. She messaged recently and said that she wasn’t sure things would go anywhere with us as we hadn’t seen each other in a while, and she felt disconnected. Do I have any chance of makings things right? If so, what do I do?
Tl;dr – I may have ruined my chance at having my first proper relationship but not moving out sooner
2 comments
Ask her if she’s willing to let you try.
Hey, you did what you had to do to take care of yourself. You didn’t ruin it, you just prioritized your mental health.
But she messaged you, and she seems willing to try, so let her know that you appreciate that. It takes courage to reach out to someone it didn’t work out with at the beginning, but it’s possible she is reaching out because she sees something hopeful about your chances.
Maybe start with asking her what she’s done since you last spoke. Show interest in her life and changes. Let her know by doing so that you are interested in her as a person and not just as a potential partner. But also, if it seems ambiguous, ask her about the possibility of a relationship now that you are in a better place.
I would caution you- don’t jump into things just because it’s your first opportunity. Don’t force yourself to change or adapt to things that don’t seem healthy. I’ve seen that happen to friends who worried they would be alone forever if they didn’t jump on “this” chance, and then they ignored red flags. I’m not saying there are red flags here, I’m just saying that just because it’s your first opportunity doesn’t mean it has to be your only one, if it doesn’t feel right.