How has life treated you as an overweight (especially young) woman?

47 comments

  1. I can never truly be confident in myself, I feel terrible every time I look in the mirror, I feel guilty when I eat anything, I can’t wear what everyone else does because I’d look stupid in the form-fitting clothes that are popular among my peers, I get stuck in endless cycles of failure to try and get in shape. My self-esteem tends to stay at a solid 0, and no matter what I try, I can’t get anything to change.

  2. I’m no longer overweight but the world is not kind to overweight women, especially in their most formative years.

  4. I’m a WoC, and while I was chonky, I was never plus size. I was overweight though.

    I don’t know that I ever got any negative attention for it, but I sure as heck didn’t get any positive attention.

  5. Constantly overlooked and the butt of jokes. People say that women play life on easy mode, which is already bullshit but it also assumes that most women are thin and conventionally attractive. The rest of us are mocked pretty openly, with fat women being used in movies as a joke or left out completely. Fat people in general are seen as lazy or gross.

    I have lost a substantial amount of weight, I’m only a little overweight now, but growing up fat can completely fuck up your self image. It took a LOT of convincing for me to believe that my boyfriend is genuinely attracted to me and I still can’t understand why he would be. When I look in the mirror I see a disgusting human being.

  6. I was tired of explaining that it is all because of genes and not because I don’t maintain my diet content. In this pandemic period, I started shedding weight after starting on exercise and yoga and I find myself quite confident about my body, now more than ever.

  7. Honestly my weight zig zagged between underweight and obese throughout my teens and twenties and I didn’t notice much of a different in how I was treated. I wasn’t consider super conventionally attractive even when thin so that might be part of it. Friends felt entitled to make rude comments about my body when I was thin, but not when I was fat, interestingly. Dating was pretty much the same difficulty level. No one’s ever really made a big deal about my weight other than doctors being concerned when I gained too much fat.

  8. I was bullied in early childhood and middle school but come high school I was just ignored or left out of most things, which I didn’t mind. Then suddenly in my early adulthood being “thick” became sexy and I was seen as attractive so I started getting better treatment and attention. Funny how things have changed.

  10. Bad lol. Most people are incredibly fatphobic, because society is. And they’re hostile to being called out, so if you’re the type to confront people for their bullshit you get to spend a lot of time arguing.

    People say shit like “you’re not fat, you’re pretty”, implying you can’t be both. Or you’ll get to hear about how they’re insecure that they might look like you! (and somehow you’re the asshole if you say “oh, would you like to borrow some clothes then?”). Plus sized fashion has come a long way but many brands are still not size inclusive, and if you like thrifting ooooh boy, good luck. People who look like you in media get either a weight loss storyline or are the funny sidekick.

    People will yell at you about “health” but by that they mean they will praise you when you develop an eating disorder from all the bullying, but villify you if you nourish your body, enjoy movement for a purpose other than weight loss, etc, if you are not small. Most of these people do not keep up with medical or public health research before running their mouths. This includes medical professionals, weight bias in medicine is a huge fucking problem and I promise anyone fat you know has a story about how a doctor prescribed weight loss for a completely unrelated problem.

    And thin women will shout over you in any discussion of systemic fatphobia and center the conversation on how one time someone said something unkind to them and they can’t grasp that that is *not the same fucking thing*.

  11. People, no matter the gender, generally treat you with less respect. For a long time I didn’t dare to eat anything in public because I knew people would look at me disgusted. Was bullied constantly and never dated. I have 0 self-esteem. I have a complicated and unhealthy relationship with food and bounce between starving myself for days and eating until almost puking. I sometimes get mean comments from complete strangers.

    Men always say women have it easier but honestly, from my own experience and what I have seen it’s way easier to be an overweight man (except if you’re really morbidly obese) than an overweight woman. The way our society treats overweight women is humiliating and inhumane.

  13. I used to always get called “big” by family relatives even though I was just slightly overweight. I was never called pretty. It was always assumed I would never have a boyfriend because who would want someone like that? People would tease me and laugh at me in school. Make jokes about it. My family as well. I was always scared to eat around others because I was afraid they’d call me pig or think I was disgusting. I used to cry in every changing room. My mom would dress me in black clothes to “conceal” my weight . Now I hate wearing the color black. I got excluded from social things at school Bc I was the fat girl. I wasn’t cool or pretty. Always watching from the sidelines. All of that impacted me a lot and I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life Un doing it

  14. I wasn’t a fat child but my mother was obsessed with my weight & put me on diets. In my early 20s i got to 65kg & was horrorfied. Dieted to be 50kg then gradually gained weight in my late 20s.
    Had people say things like,
    “Im glad i don’t have your thighs”
    I was always convinced i was fat eventhough looking back i wasnt overweight until about 26 years old.
    I lost weight again in my mid 30s & people said things to me like,
    “You’ll get married now.”
    &
    “So you are a good looking Sheila under all that blubber.”
    After losing weight my sleep apnoea didn’t get any better so i got reassessed & FINALLY got my septum & nose fixed so i can breath properly. Before that i was told it was because i was fat.
    Gained weight again. Up to 100kg & now dr is making me write down all my food for 2 weeks.
    As far as dating & men are concerned it hasn’t made any difference. I also have Aspergers so dating in general has never been easy.

  15. Definitely had issues growing up. Not having the newest style or something like that. I have been fluffy all my life except at birth lol (3lbs 7oz). The women in my family tend to be shorter well blessed up too and bigger. The most annoying thing now is sizing but that’s a issue across the fashion industry. Was I ever a cheerleader or run marathons ? No, but I’m okay with that. It took me forever to drown out negativity and just be confident in myself. Good luck ladies 💕

  16. Society loves to mock me, but fuck society. I can run up 6 flights of stairs before I get winded. I only know one person IRL who can do the same and that’s because he trains to do marathons and stuff. I know SEVERAL thin folk who can barely get to the top of a single flight of stairs without getting winded.

    I may be plushie, but that doesn’t make me lazy, ugly, or lesser than anyone else.

  18. Growing up in Asian culture, you are reminded every time, even fat family members especially older aunties and uncles call you fat, you can still be at a healthy weight but they will still call you fat, Asian standards of beauty is dangerous..

  20. Being bullied at school for being « the fat one ». Being bullied at work and forced to ridiculous diets that never work but starved me. Being discriminated in my job interviews. Being seen as someone neglectful because I am fat, which means I am the kind of person that never takes care of things or myself.

    Being overweight or obese sucks. Try loving yourself when everyone treats you like you are gross, and a burden.

  21. i had a late glowup but was strange-looking as a kid. I actually think i came out better for it, because i had spent my early years being treated as invisible by the opposite sex. I realised how fickle male attention was and learned to derive my identity and sense of self-worth away from men.

    It has served me well to this day and i like to think i can see through the games and BS society/some nasty people try to put women through

  22. You can’t go to the doctor if you have a uterus and are more than 8 pounds overweight because all of your ailments will be because you’re fat, doctors orders. It doesn’t matter if your doctor is a man or woman, fit or chunky. You woman, you fat, that’s a you problem, bye.

  23. Pretty shit if I’m being honest. I’ve been passed over for school honors, promotions, opportunities for peers of more or less equal abilities but the scale is always in favor of less weight.

    I moved to a different country and thank goodness people are much less vain

  25. I’m either an inconvenience taking up space, seen as lazy and disgusting, or am made to be the butt of the joke. All my health issues are attributed to being fat. My IUD migrated and I was essentially told if I lost weight it wouldn’t have happened…like what?

  26. to start with people will always have a problem with your weight weather your skinny or overweight so you should love your body and urself in general . what matters the most is being happy with your body and not how people think about you.

    I used to be overweight and my family had problems with finding clothes that fitted me and rarley went with me tothe mall so my aunt usually went with me and sometimes i would over hear her talk to the staff there about my weight and how hard it is to find stuff that actually fitted me it did hurt but i never showed emotion

    its hard to hear hurtful words about you from people that you cared about and always looked up for them.

  27. I used to weigh almost 200 pounds, I’ve lost 70 pounds over the last couple years. (123lbs 5’3”) and I was actually just thinking about this the other day. I work in a job where I constantly see people, regular clients everyday, new ones in and out. It’s actually crazy how well people treat me now that I’m not overweight! I get complimented everyday on my appearance and people approach me more often, when I was fat that didn’t happen. I always got looks, although (thankfully) no one outwardly commented on my weight but I could tell what they were thinking. It’s grosse how people treat bigger people, we are all human. We are all the same!

  28. I’ve hurt myself more than anyone else due to weight problems for the last 50 years. I’ve developed numerous health problems, with osteoarthritis (OA) being the worst, because once you get develop OA, it never leaves. You have to learn to manage the pain. I didn’t like having sex w/my hubby because I was so embarrassed. He ended up leaving me for another woman (younger, of course), although I doubt my reluctance to have sex was the main reason (I’m sure it was ***a*** reason, though). I swim most every morning & hit the gym most every evening, but the fat still clings to me like Velcro. I’m slowly killing myself but nothing I do seems to make a difference.

    Men have always been accepted for their appearance while women have not, that will never change. Overweight men look as bad as overweight women, but the men can still be considered attractive. Not so the ladies.

    I have a daughter who’s about 40 pounds overweight, her only daughter is 14 and about 25 pounds overweight & not getting any smaller. She loves to eat and play video games. I live thousands of miles away so I never see them, but I see the photos. It breaks my heart. Getting the weight off gets hard and harder as you age. My granddaughter will be fighting obesity the rest of her life.

  30. Perhaps it’s perspective, but I have never had any problems being overweight nor had any judgements. Other than some weight restrictions, I have never had a problems in my personal life or career. I have never been told that to am too fat/not attractive/not good enough.

  31. Like I don’t understand nutrition, and I must just be eating too much and not exercising enough.

  32. I grew up in the 00s-10s. I’ve been overweight since I was about 10 or so. I couldn’t fit into any of the popular clothing brands and the styles at the time were not flattering on me (low waisted jeans). I was pretty much ignored by my peers. I was not invited to parties, I wasn’t asked on dates. I was good at school so I feel like a lot of people only interacted with me to get help with school. There were a few times I was bullied for my size, like if a guy thought I had a crush on him he had to react loudly with disgust to make sure people knew he didn’t want attention from a fat girl.

    My grandmother made it known that my size was not okay and would often shame me for my eating habits. If I ate what she considered too much then I was only getting fatter, if I ate less than usual or not at all then I was an overly sensitive drama queen. My parents were not hard on me about my size, but they were overweight too so I was often an unwilling participant in diet kicks. I would always try to restrict but inevitably I’d give in and binge. I tried to exercise in my room, but I was scared to exercise in front of people because even the gym teacher would laugh at how I looked when I ran. I remember laying flat and gathering up the fat on my stomach in my hands and daydreaming of getting plastic surgery.

    Overall I felt very disconnected. I didn’t feel like a real woman because I didn’t have many role models in the media. I didn’t see how I could be loved or desired. A lot of the things that were considered cute or quirky for thin women were not acceptable for me, for example the dietary habits of the Gilmore Girls. In middle school I tried really hard to be funny and make people laugh, but I started becoming quieter as I got older. I habitually wore baggy hoodies in grey or black. I didn’t learn how to do my hair or my makeup. I mostly just hoped not to be noticed. I felt very disconnected from my body because I knew it wasn’t acceptable and had to be changed so why get attached.

    To this day, I feel like I am not included in most people’s idea of womanhood but I’m nearly 30 so it doesn’t get to me as much as it once did. My world is bigger now than it was in my small town high school. I have much more going on in my life than worrying about if boys like me or how my clothes look. Still, my heart aches for the lonely teenage girl I was and I wish I had been nicer to her.

  33. Absolutely awful. I would be just minding my own business and then I have my family treat my weight as a moral failing like sure let’s ignore the ED, my dad dying, my autism, my undiagnosed ADHD, my university suspending me cuz my dad died during the pandemic, but sure its MY fault im fat 😐

  34. Not very kind. I was the fat friend of the group in high school although my friends dint make fun of me, all of them dint treat me the same. When I made mistakes it was heavily criticised but when one the prettier ones made them they even came to their rescue. It look a long time for me to come to terms with why I was treated differently than my other friends but when it dawned on me it changed the way I looked at them. And guys who generally my pretty friends called kind were not kind to me,which means they were selective in showing it. I was not looking for dating anyone at that time but still it hurt to know that people were purposely cruel to me coz of the way I look .
    Now I have come a long way and although I am not very beautiful I’ve come to realise that I’m definitely more worth than my looks and now I’m happily married, have a kid and life could not be much happier.

  35. Shittily. Constant unsolicited weight loss advice, rejection from virtually all men – even those *significantly* more overweight than me, harassment from strangers, and up until recently, almost no clothing options because clothes were always either plus sized *or* petite (I’m 5’1″), leaving me having to pay to have every pair of pants I bought hemmed.

    Oh, and let’s not forget people constantly calling me a liar when I’d stick very rigidly to a weight loss plan and not lose any weight. People don’t want to accept that sustained weight loss isn’t possible for any less than 100% of people, so they need to call me a lazy cheater to sustain their worldview.

  36. I was never considered enough. Some girls would say that they would want to have my boobs others would say that the only reason they were big is because I am fat. Every doctor would mention I am overweight and that drove me to a very dark place where I can find myself today.
    My own father points out that I am fat, sends me videos of people working out. Since I was little I found myself asking for permission to eat. That is just the way it has always been. I cannot see myself beautiful even after all those years.
    Society says that fat is ugly, yet it also says that skinny doesn’t mean pretty.

  37. I went through a short period of being overweight in my teens after they put me on the wrong psychiatric medication.

    I just want to say that I was never bullied by my female peers. I WAS bullied by male peers. The way boys treat girls who don’t meet societal beauty standards is reprehensible. I already knew that after being shamed by boys in my elementary school class for having visible leg and arm hair at age 10, but that was just being made fun of. At 14-5 the energy was hostile. It was like my existence made them angry.

    I switched meds at age 16 and I was always athletic so I got down to a low weight again soon after and the difference was palpable. I was always getting favors done for me and I got asked to homecoming by 8 different people.

    It really does mess with you though because now I’m 28 and I get a lot of male attention but that experience is always in the back of my mind and it makes me distrustful of their intentions. Like, I’ll get approached by conventionally attractive guys who were in frats in college and my knee-jerk reaction is to be afraid of them bullying me. It’s crazy.

  38. Piss poorly.

    Some of my fav comments I’ve had are: “I am ashamed to be seen [out] with her” vs “you’re already pathetic as a woman, but being this fat, you’re worthless” vs “your jaw should be sewn shut so you can’t eat” vs “you should be shot in the head because society would be better off without you” and those are just from my own blood relatives.

    If I’m eating out alone, I had better be okay with stares, nasty comments, or in fast food joints, trash being thrown at me.

    I ignore serious symptoms of illnesses because I can’t take the doctor’s lecture.

    Obgyns remind me that it’s “bordering on child abuse” for me to have a child because I will make that child fat, so I don’t go to them anymore either.

    In my chosen career I was told that if I really cared about my students (high school) I’d quit teaching, before one of them thought you could have a normal life if you were fat.

    I’ve had job rejections because “I dont have the look they are going for”.

    I’ve been rejected for diagnoses of illnesses I qualify for, because the doc in question wants me to drop half my body weight before she diagnoses me.

    It’s little things, too, though. If I need something at the back of the tallest kitchen cupboard, I need somebody else to use the kitchen step, because it can’t take somebody of my weight.

    Finding a belt in my size, up until about a year ago, was nigh impossible for a decent price.

    My kingdom, my kingdom for a winter coat my arms fit into.

    If an unfounded rumor goes around my workplace that I have a crush on some guy, I have to apologize to him for the harrassment he gets, and the embarrassment of attracting a fat girl.

    Shop workers are hesitant to help me in stores. Multiple times, they have caught eye contact and HURRIED to the closest straught sized customer to help them, so they don’t have to help me.

    My friends crop me out of pictures on instagram when we’ve all been together (or the only pic my body is in is the 16th in a post so nobody is likely to see it).

    Trying to squeeze past people or places or the car door when parked too close is a nightmare. “Think skinny thoughts, think skinny thoughts, think skinny thoughts…”

    I’ve been chubby since birth, “fat” since I was 6, “morbidly obese” since I was 11. I’ve gotten to a place where the comments and slights don’t bother me anymore, but what really, REALLY grinds my gears??? Size 6 Becky who goes on about how “ALL girls have a lower belly pouch because it’s your uterus!!! SEE, I’m NOT one of those icky fat disgusting whales!!! I’m better than that!!!” Ma’am cease and desist, okay?

  39. Interesting comments. I feel like everyone here has had a primarily negative experience. I’ll chime in with another perspective. I will admit, I’m overweight via BMI but I do exercise regularly and have a job that requires a lot of moving around.

    So, when I was younger, my weight would bother me. Mostly, it was extended family members commenting on it. Once I became older, I actually started to like and accepted the way I looked. It helped that I was surrounded by women who weren’t self conscious that they had a belly or arm fat. It really helped normalized for me what women’s bodies looked like in real life – no plastic surgery or filters.

    I’ve learned how to be confident and to just be myself. The world hasn’t treated me too differently. My friends, colleagues and dates have all treated me with respect regardless of whether they liked me or not (looks or personality).

  40. I used to weigh over 300lbs, due to being starved as a child from an abusive step father to suddenly having access to an abundance of food at 15, I blew right up. It wrecked my joints and ligaments, and I was constantly the butt of jokes. People bet each other in high school to date me, one guy I thought liked me told me after he took my virginity that his friends had bet him $5 to get into bed with me, “play in the mud with the pig” he said.

    I’m 30 now and down to 175, and people notice me so much more now, but growing up and maturing into an adult as a large woman definitely lifted the rose colored glasses I may have had at some point. When you’re attractive, you get more attention. But the closest friends I’d had, were when I was fat. Because they weren’t trying to talk to me because I was attractive.

  41. I was over 300lbs about 2 years ago and overweight all my life prior. I’ve lost almost half my body weight, and am treated COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than I was when I was overweight. People are nicer to me, especially men. I have more success in my career. It’s easier to make friends. Even people I encounter while shopping or eating out are less judgey. And no, it’s not a confidence thing, mostly. I still feel like the “fat girl” in my heart and mind, and typically dress the part. I’m pretty introverted and don’t generally strike up conversations with strangers. I don’t know that I like the extra attention. In fact, I know I don’t. I felt invisible before, and I guess got used to it. And now it’s weird not to be. But I’m happier overall because I’m healthy and can keep up with my young children. Idk…it’s weird.

  42. Terrible. People will remind you all the time. Friends, family, stangers. Everyone. Funny thing is, I never thought of myself as someone attractive, but now that I’m overweight I’m getting this realization that maybe I was attractive before? Because damn the difference from everyone’s treatment towards you is just WAAAY too different. For example, before I never had a problem asking someone for help. Now that I’m fat, I once asked a guy to help us with our car which got stuck in the mud (my parents are both old, so I really wouldn’t want them to help) and the guy just stared at me like ‘you got to be kidding me.’

  43. just the way we’re viewed. I hate the :you’d be prettier if you lost weight” comments.

    I’ve always ignored it but one situation that always stuck with me was when i was around 18 i remember I was looking for a part time job to help my parents with bills. I walked into a retail store because they had a help wanted sign out front. when I walked in I immediately saw the way the owner or manager whatever he was looked at me. an employee as well she was female around my age. just the disgusting look the gave me hurt so much. I asked for the application and they said No they weren’t looking. even though there was a sign out front. I politely said thank you and left.

    I hadn’t thought about it until now that I saw this question.

    people suck!

  44. being seen as older and being called “ma’am” despite being college-aged. that’s why i’m dieting and exercising everyday now

  45. I’ve been both overweight and underweight over the past 20+ years. I’ve found that I get more rude comments from men when I’m bigger (i.e. a taxi driver once referred to me as “the fat bird” and I’ve had teenage boys shout things to me from cars) but I haven’t really noticed the difference with women. I’ve had women make rude comments about my weight when I’ve been overweight too, but they have been the same women who also made rude comments about my weight or other aspects of my appearance when I’ve been slimmer.

  46. I was overweight from 18-20 due to the depo shot. Before that, I was thin. Pretty privilege is realllll y’all I’m convinced

  47. Went from chubby to fit and got treated entirely different. Mostly from men. They went from them not giving me the time of day to hitting on me. I noticed this especially at the gym. It makes me feel like I’m only valued and noticed when I’m fit. It reinforces that societal idea that skinny/fit it better than average/overweight.

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