I(m,29) recently got into a state from community college and during summer break I met and fell in love with a wonderful, amazing woman (25) .
She told me her cousin was moving in for a couple of months cause the cousins husband has joined the military and she’s waiting to go live with him. But they keep pushing back the time when cousin can leave, because of covid, she’ll be waiting to move at least 13 months .
So my girlfriend doesn’t want to leave . She has no reason to stay in her home town besides for family . I find that really hard to believe becuase I have always disliked my family and cannot imagine wanting to be so close to them so badly .
This whole thing is effecting me very badly . I’m doing badly in school becuase all I do is think about her all day. I had to drop a class on mondays because I kept driving back every weekend and then staying to late on Monday . I am not taking care of myself, and feel like I live in 2 locations, constantly doing everything I can to see her and spending all my money in gas and food becuase I’m always on the road .
She keeps pushing back the move date. Originally it was January , then March, now it’s June she is saying that she’ll move . But it’s been a whole year now and it just hurts to be away from her so much. It’s destroying my mood to have to put so much work into this relationship, when I feel like she isn’t . I love her so much but in some ways I feel like she’s very immature and pretended not to be when we first met. Now I feel bad to even have these feelings becuase I know she loves me , she is the sweetest person I’ve ever met, but it’s so damn hard .
TLDR: my girlfriend who I love is too attached to her hometown to move 2 hours away with me , and the distance hurts so much. I’m compromising everything about myself to make it work, but with little reward . What should I do?
3 comments
Just because you hate your family doesn’t mean that she does. I think you need to respect her decision for now, and you can both come back to it in the future to discuss again (maybe after a couple of months). If you force this issue of moving on her, she might begin to resent you, and then you’ll never be close to her at all. It also looks like you’re starting to obsess about her and this entire situation, so maybe it’s best to take a step back and take care of yourself and your life before asking her to move close to you.
It’s really concerning how you think her family shouldn’t be important to her. You should accept it or move on. She shouldn’t feel pressured to do something she doesn’t want to just because you want her to.
Why should she be expected to move for a man she is not married to and is in college with no career? Plus, he says that he hated his family and that he doesn’t understand why she loves hers so much?
So from her point of view: Do I move away from my loving family to be with a man that doesn’t love his relatives and claims to love me? Will he move further away after he graduates for his new career and I won’t be able to see my family at all? Will he be a good worker? Will he actually pursue employment when he graduates?
In other words, what guarantees do you give her other than pestering her to leave her life behind for your unsettled situation?
Good luck to you.