She broke up with him a little over a year ago. The ex reached out a couple weeks ago to see how she was doing and eventually asked if she’d be interested in grabbing drinks. We both agreed that it seemed as though he was hoping to try at a relationship again. She asked me if it would make me uncomfortable for her to grab drinks with him and I told her “I don’t want to control you, but the idea of you grabbing drinks with someone hoping to get back with you, just the two of you, makes me uncomfortable” she understood and didn’t grab drinks with him.
I asked her how much she wanted to talk to this guy and she said the only interest she has in talking to him is that he shares her love of baseball. She’s a huge baseball fan and so is he. I’m not. I told her that I’m fine with her filling the baseball void in her life by talking with him. I don’t want to take that away from her.
She recently asked me if it would bother me for her to go boating with him and one of his friends. I told her I’m not crazy about that idea, that if it wasn’t for the shared love of baseball and that she doesn’t appear to have someone else to talk about it with, that I’d ask why she’s giving this guy her attention. I then found out that they talk every day, several times a day and that she initiates conversation about half the time. Sharing music, talking about life, not just baseball stuff. This made me uncomfortable, especially considering she doesn’t initiate conversation with me that often. I told her how surprised I was to hear that and she sympathized with how that sounded.
She said she would dial the conversations back to keep it about baseball and I told her that she has my trust and that I’d let her use her best judgement.
I still don’t feel all that great about her talking with the guy, but I really don’t want to take away her enjoyment of having someone to talk baseball with.
I’m sure a lot of my reactions stem in some way from insecurities. I trust her, but I don’t trust him. What are your thoughts?
**TL;DR; I don’t like my gf giving her attention to her ex who reached out to rekindle things, but I don’t want to be a controlling ass hole. What would you suggest?**
7 comments
It’s just baseball. She can talk to someone else about it. You’re clearly uncomfortable and it’s surprising she’s still talking to him.
Put yourself in her shoes and ask why you would consider spending time with your ex if you’re in an otherwise good/great relationship
>She recently asked me if it would bother me for her to go boating with him and one of his friends.
Yeah cause when i talk baseball it has to be with my Ex and his friend and on a boat. Is the friend a dude?
She clearly doesn’t care about your feelings. I think this would bother pretty much anyone in a committed monogamous relationship
She’s continuing to push the boundaries of your comfort. She’s being incredibly disrespectful and kwep pushing how close she is with an ex she agrees wants to get back together with her. You’re definitely not crazy, I think you’ve been very respectful towards her about her agency but she has not respected you as her significant other.
I think the boating is too far. I think its nice shes offered to tone it down, but theres a difference between him wanting her back and him just wanting to be friends. I think as long as he wants her back she shouldnt entertain doing stuff with him
Sounds like she doesn’t really respect you or the relationship and she’s testing to see how far she can push it
The “shared love of baseball” is an absolutely stupid reason to justify staying in contact with this guy