My girlfriend of 5 years is upset and concerned with me watching shows with specific aspects and themes throughout them. The list is mainly including shows that have violence, gore, rape, and nudity.
It started years ago during Game of Thrones. She would watch with my family and I as we were invested into the series at the time. She would come to me and tell me that she was uncomfortable with the show and that I needed to look away when rape scenes would come on. I disagreed as it does not disgust me to that point, I don’t think anything does. Mind you, I don’t cheer for it or revel in the fact that it is there. It does make me uncomfortable, which I assume is the purpose of the scene (and the emotion to have to it).
This has extended to other shows like The Boys, which I have not watched the newest season of as I did not want to stir up any commotion, as well as the newest one from the past few days: Peaky Blinders.
I started Peaky Blinders as it was recommended and sounded interesting. We were both unaware of the show. After I mentioned I started watching a couple episodes, she immediately started looking it up and said “You can’t watch this.” I was not asked to consider anything and the is bothersome. After some back and forth I agreed to just skip any rape scenes (the concern at the time). Then I was told to skip all sex scenes. Ok.
Following to the next day, she’s looking it up again and saying there is too much gore and that it’s disgusting that I would watch a show like that. I’m being told that she’s considering ending the relationship because I am interested in shows with those aspects and can’t grow up to watch “good shows”.
I understand that they are bad qualities. I am watching the shows for production and storyline, not for the torture, violence, gore, and rape. Personally, I don’t think I should be disallowed to watch shows as such as I don’t fantasize, look forward to, or get influenced by those scenes.
With all of this, I am looking for perspective. Perspective for her side and for mine. I don’t understand being so polarized on something like this, and I also don’t understand myself enough to explain it any better to give an understanding.
**TLDR:** My girlfriend is saying I can’t watch shows with violence and rape scenes. I feel the opposite. Can you help me gain some perspective on both of our situations?
26 comments
Dump her ! Once the controlling aspect stsrts in whatever shape or form it wil get worse plus double standards as if you did the same yoh would get a hate mob at your door lol
Bruh even if you were looking at the gore (not the rape), that’s why surgery shows are popular. She needs to grow up to tolerate you watching drama shows like Peaky Blinders. There’s a difference between her being uncomfortable and her dictating that you’re uncomfortable
Dump her ass
Dude. SHE needs to grow up.. come on… no sex, OR violence is like raising kids and not teaching them about the “real” monsters of the world… maybe your expression on your face changes when you watch those scenes and that’s why she doesn’t like you to watch it….? I could see if it was like gore/hard-core porn- yeah thats over the edge.. but softcover porn and tv-ma violence is a part of life man… if you ain’t living it then what the hell are you doing? (Listening to a stuck up, stick up her ass, bitch)
She doesn’t have a side. She’s being controlling because of her own hang ups. Just leave. No one needs to deal with that kind of shit. You wouldn’t be dumping her toxic ass over TV shows, it would be because of her behaviour. It’ll only get worse dude, trust me.
She doesn’t get to tell you what you can and can’t do.
This is controlling behaviour that needs to be stopped.
If you want to watch those shows then you watch them.
Has she given a reason as to why she’s not comfortable with you watching these type of scenes? Does she think you’re suddenly going to become abusive and rapey?
I think you need to have a real conversation about this and tell her that you appreciate that she doesn’t like it but that you are interested in watching these shows and you will do so. Out of respect for her wishes, you won’t watch them when she’s present.
If she’s adamant that you absolutely can’t watch these shows then I think it’s time to end the relationship because controlling behaviour is a no go.
Text or say “There is absolutely NO universe in which it’s okay for you, or anyone else, to dictate what I can and can’t watch. If you want to end the relationship because you can’t control me then that’s your decision” Honestly you should end it because she’s trying to control you. If you let her get away with that BS it will only get worse. Tell her to go therapy. And seriously, WATCH The Boys. The new season is great so far
Is she triggered by these things due to a past trauma? Maybe you’re watching these shows around her and making her revisit things from her past. I am a sensitive person (also have trauma) I don’t care for my spouse watching those kinds of disturbing things (*especially* GOT) on the main TV where I can’t escape the visuals or sounds, but if they want to watch them in the other room away from me, I don’t forbid them. If I’m exposed to those types of things, especially in a way I can’t escape, I’ll often have horribly vivid nightmares.
Today she’s dictating what you can and can’t watch, tomorrow she’s telling you what to wear, what to eat and then eventually it’ll be you can’t be friends with this person or that person, you can’t see your family…. Controlling behaviour in a relationship will always escalate-it is a form of abuse. You may think it’s not a big deal because its “just a few tv shows”- but what happens when it becomes more than just controlling what you watch? You are in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship.
Today it is tv shows, tomorrow she is picking out your friends.
🤯
My sister is sensitive to rape scenes also and hasn’t watched GoT after the traumatic Dany/weddingnight scene. (Not knowing the Sansa scene would be way worse).
She lets me watch whatever I want, just asks me to turn similar shows OFF when she comes over.
This is the way
I wouldn’t be able to live with someone who censored what I watched like that. I understand that not all media is for everyone, but you’re talking about very widely popular shows. Her hangups about certain content shouldn’t be forced onto you.
If this woman ever becomes a mother, I fear for the strict household her children will live in.
Find a different girlfriend. This one thinks she’s your mom.
My husband detests violence in films and TV. I adore programs like GOT and the witcher. So I watch them and he doesn’t. He’s never tried to forbid me from watching anything!
Are you guys Mormon, or is she born-again or something like that?
The new season of The Boys is fucking awesome btw.
Fuck this, lol
Stop dating your mother
I was so confused until I realized his phone must have auto corrected Mom to Girlfriend. Of course a 5 year old shouldn’t be watching Game of Thrones! The Mom actually sounds pretty lax, letting him have a phone and a Reddit account.
I knew a guy in your position. It started with violent and nude scenes on shows. Then he couldn’t watch the entire show. Then videogames. Next she made him stop seeing certain friends. After that came no more parties. Then he couldn’t watch contact sports. Last time I saw him, he got his tattoos laser removed because she didn’t like tattoos. He’s a depressed, broken shell of what he used to be. He lets her walk all over him and doesn’t stand up for himself. He changed everything about himself to fit the mold of what she wants in a man. And he’s miserable.
Not saying this is where you’re headed, but it’s possible. She’s controlling your entertainment content now. If she controls this now, what will she want to change next?
Is she your mom? Or your girlfriend? She needs to know her fucking place. The absolute fucking audacity blows me away.
She will be the type that only lets her kids listen to the kids bop version of songs.
You should tell her to piss off lol, this is ridiculous, telling you what shoes to watch. Is she going to tell you to close your eyes when you see another woman maybe?
Fuckin mental lol
OP’s girlfriend be like “I don’t like shows with sex and violence so you don’t get to watch shows with sex and violence.”
Does she also make you put on an extra sweater if she’s feeling cold?
Red Flag .