Hello!
context before I start: I own and run a cafe with my brother, we are very close in age and the only two employees.
I was recently told by a customer that I come across as cold and not engaging. I asked my brother about it and he said that I tend to be quiet and not talk to people. This came as a shock to me because I thought I was pretty good at small talk, so I spoke to my husband about it and he agreed that I can be very quiet around new people, and that I tend to cut off conversation before it can grow.
This started to make sense to me when I realised most of my friends thought I hated them before they knew me well.
He gave the example of somebody coming up to the counter to pay for their food.
I will say ‘hello how was everything’
They will say ‘oh it was good thank you’
Then I say ‘that’s good to hear’
And the conversation is dead, the other person does not reply, so I move onto payment.
So I did a little bit of research on small talk and I have learnt that it is a social lubricant to make people feel more comfortable with each other. Okay great now I need examples;
I learnt about asking what they do for a living, if they’re enjoying the weather, even reading some current events and discussing them.
Where I’m struggling now is, I’m providing a service at work and I feel like I shouldn’t be bothering people, small talk feels intrusive and just so awkward!!!
Is it just practice? Is there something I’m not understanding? Please help!! I really want to be a more engaging and friendly person
5 comments
Gee I think you did well at engaging with the customer at the register from your example. As you hand them the change and receipt one could say “I hope you will
visit us again” or something along those lines but I don’t see what more is needed.
Perhaps you have regulars that sit alone that you could engage with but you’d have to be able to read them and tell if they want some company or not. Don’t wanna run off customers by being too friendly. Hopefully some answers will come with better insight.
I recommend starting with that same script you had earlier, the “how was everything, thats good to hear” then tack on a small talk topic like the weather or a current event (one thats not too political).
You’ll be able to gauge if the person is interested in the small talk if they produce a fully fleshed answer and continue the convo. For me, if an employee makes small talk with me and I’m not interested at that time, I respond politely with “yea i heard about that, that was crazy” and just don’t engage any further. Not in a rude way, I just cut the conversation off like you seem to do naturally by not asking any questions or giving the other person something to answer to. So thats how you can tell if they are uninterested. If they are interested, I’m sure that you will be able to tell.
Also, its not intrusive. When customers go into a public establishment they know that they have the potential to be engaged with and spoken to lol. Its not like you are holding them at gunpoint, they have the power to disengage.
“Social Lubricant” lol 😆
Yes, it’s all just practice.
You may not want to ask what people do for work right off top, unless they say something that kind of lures into questioning it.
Some small talk starters I go with from a Worker’s perspective:
– Hi, How’s your day going?
– Would you like to hear about our latest promos?
– How’s everything going with your meal / order?
Then, if you noticed that customers have become more regulars
– try to get their name & build familiarity
– I noticed you’re quite a regular here. What keeps you coming back?
– This may be the time to ask about their career
I think what you have been saying is definitely okay. Some people are sensitive to those that are quiet; it’s normally something on their end that makes them feel insecure about it. (in my experience)
Learning to soften your eyes and mouth while working will give you an advantage of looking more approachable and will make looking up to smile or speak easier. Customers want to be greeted and seen, so you could try engaging them with a nod, smile, or hello upon their arrival to your cafe. It’s generally crucial to make someone feel invited, comfortable and noticed upon entering a new place (and upon leaving too).
It’s painful trying to put together a conversation when you’re busy thinking about the bread in the oven, the coffee pot needing tended to, what needs to be ordered, etc. Practicing mindfulness and focusing on your customer when they come up to you helps.
I find cracking jokes and smiling to be the easiest way to show someone I am relaxed and approachable. I do also have a face I plaster on for when I’m serious and would rather not be interrupted. I feel in your case, maybe your body language is giving off some ‘cooler’ vibes.
When you’re grasping at straws to engage with someone, I will almost always make a remark about what they are purchasing or what they’ve eaten.
Example: They ordered a prosciutto panini and a cup of tea. When they approach the counter to pay and you’ve run out of small talk you can always show enthusiasm over their order. “Oh gosh, I just love our paninis; we use local prosciutto from *this* butcher! Did you enjoy it?” or “Oh man, if you liked *this*, you should try *this* next time”. Something along those lines, but tailored to how you speak of course lol.
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