When someone calls you “Buddy”

26 comments

1. I only hate Mikey.

2. I, personally, loathe both bud and buddy. When I use it, it is in a condescending way “Buddy, you are way off base” type of statement. You are not alone in that thinking

3. I’m not your “Buddy” Pal!

4. “Buddy” is interesting in that it can suggest distance or closeness. I’d perceive it differently depending on who said it. Generally, if I don’t know the person that well it would seem odd if he was calling me that right away, because our friendship hasn’t “earned” it. If, however, he was a close friend at work or a kindly mentor and said it, it might be endearing.

   I used to work at a wings joint where a guy who had more seniority/status there than me always called me “boss.” That was interesting.

   > However he calls me “Buddy” and for some reason it really triggered me.

   A guy who uses “Buddy” right away the boss of another guy who uses “triggered” doesn’t seem like a great recipe.

5. [deleted]

6. I would try to forget about it, with maybe a few exceptions.

   Does your boss do this with everyone or just you? If it’s just you, I guess that could still be a good or bad thing.

   Does he do other stuff that is condescending or undermining? Then you have a bigger problem.

   But if you get along well and he seems well intentioned, then.. your boss likes you. Cool. You could politely ask him not to, I suppose. Or just star calling him “Sport”

7. I’d say context is important. A boss that uses pet names seems disingenuous. It’s the “we’re a family” vibe in a professional environment, which reminds me of people who are “friends” when they want favors, but won’t do the other basic things that warrant calling it a friendship in the first place.

   I call good friends “brother”, but it’s because the dynamic of a good friendship/family has been established.

8. I think it depends on the tone. When I see someone I go “Hey bud!” or when someone does something for me, “thanks buddy!” It’s my way of trying to not be stodgy at work but also remain gender-neutral.

9. You can call me whatever you want for a couple thousand dollars a month.

10. call him “sparky” in return. explain that you thought you were making play names for each other.

11. I’m 37m. Personally, I like the word “buddy” from my boss who is my age. No trigger for me.
    I get triggered by women calling me “honey” though 🙂

    Ask yourself why it bothers you. Take a breath and think about it.
    Is there a power struggle with your boss?
    Is the word “buddy” inherently condescending?
    Is your boss doing smth to put you in your place? Can you agree that “buddy” in itself is not condescending and that the trigger you feel is your personal emotional response, not an objective truth?
    Why does it hurt you? Do you have a history of having to fight to be heard?

    I hope this helped a little.

    For me, women calling me “honey” is a trigger because even though I support women and agree they should be equal to men, a part of me wants to feel stronger than a woman, and the word “honey” is what my mom would call me when I was a child so I feel diminished when I’m called “honey”.
    But I also understand that the woman calling me “honey” is most likely not trying to put me down, it’s just a word she uses.
    By bringing awareness to me emotional response, I can see things clearer and let go of that trigger. Now I smile at women calling me “honey”. I’m laughing at myself for being sensitive about a word.
    Meditation helps with that sort of stuff.

12. As a fellow bud dispenser I don’t see why it would upset anyone sweetheart

13. I’d start replying “Sure thing, Skipper”.

14. [deleted]

15. Just call him “Chip” in return. He’ll figure it out

16. You should start calling him “buddy-boy”

17. Southern European country here. We use it all the time with complete strangers. If they are offended we are in turn offended. Its a .. strange thing but totally in our culture.

18. [deleted]

19. kinda reminds me of an awareness thing someone hipped me to… anyone who refers to you as “hey, friend” is almost definitely not a friend and does not view you as one

20. Where are you from?

    I feel the same way, actually. I always assumed it was a Midwest thing or something and people who do this mean no ill will by it.

    But it still feels super condescending.

21. Yeah… I agree with you. Buddy for me comes off as condescending. I’d call my 5 year old bud or buddy – not a co worker…

22. Yeah, being called Buddy irks me.

    Also, “brother”, “chief”, “big guy”, “pal” also really annoy me.

23. I first thought I wouldn’t mind this, but the more I think about it, I’d feel like the boss was either using it because he didn’t know/care enough to learn my name, or he was trying to be “one of the guys.” I’m all like, you don’t get to decide if you’re a cool and approachable boss, I do.

24. This is a really interesting post. I’ve had people call me buddy and it has felt a bit condescending, but then with others it’s fine.

    I personally have been asked by a friend not to call them buddy. I didn’t mean it as condescending but the word triggered them like it did you.

    It’s a funny one and I can understand both sides.

    EDIT: I have a hypothesis. When two people have very different status, the use of the term “buddy” can work as an equaliser. But when two people have very similar status, such as two friends, then the word “buddy” introduces the idea of a status difference and can therefore grate.

25. I had an old boss who called everyone buddy, I absolutely hated it, partly because it was so fake (she was quick to stab her buddies in the back), but I think mostly because I hated her, not because of the word alone.

26. When I was working a job as a teen, one manager would call me ‘guy’. I hated it. Just use my name, which is common and not that hard to remember.