My partner wants me to mess with her in her sleep which feels VERY weird to me. She keeps reassuring me it’s fine and she enjoys it but I just…idk it feels wrong.
She woke me up one morning with oral and I did enjoy that but afterwards she said that it’s only fair I return the favor.
Told her I didn’t even agree to what she just did in the first place and now we’re having a fight over it.
Wtf am I supposed to do? Go through with it as weird as it feels?
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no ones needs supersedes the others, if you aren’t comfortable she has to respect that and vice versa
Only you can decide whether you’re comfortable going through with it. She’s communicated what she wants pretty clearly, and now you can communicate what you want (or don’t).
If this is a genuine dealbreaker for you, rather than something you’re a little ambivalent about but might be into, then make that clear to her. Say that while you respect her fantasies and you appreciate that she’s been clear about them, you are defintely not going to mess with her in her sleep, and she doesn’t have your consent to wake you up with oral. Then both of you can decide whether you want to continue your sexual relationship with these boundaries.
I am curious though about what exactly feels wrong to you about messing with her in her sleep, if she’s given you full permission and told you she’d be into it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your thought process, and maybe you just don’t like it but can’t explain why and that’s fine. But it might be interesting to look into why you feel the way you do.
I wanted that to happen for 30 years, never did, it seems she wants it, and it can be fun.
tell her again if she does not listen then consider leaving..
You’re learning that she’s putting her desires over your consent. She asked you to do something to her, you didn’t agree, so she did it to you instead (without asking!) to try to make you “return the favour.” What if she does this with the next thing she wants you to try on her? It’s not a good sign when a partner prioritises “fun” for themselves over their partner’s comfort.
Now she’s fighting with you and presumably trying to make you feel bad about not wanting to do something? Bad news.
Counseling could help. She needs to see that she’s not behaving appropriately, and unfortunately that message usually can’t come from the person that’s being mistreated. If you were my friend, I might even suggest breaking up, depending on what the rest of the relationship looks like.
Your partner has a freeuse kink and like you to use her like a doll. Is that something you absolutely don’t like? And why?
The thing to remember is this:
If the roles had been reversed, and you the male had done it to her first without asking for her consent, there would most likely of been 100’s of comments saying or implying that you raped her, so it’s the same thing that she has done to you.
Just because men tend to love sex doesn’t give a woman the right to use you that way without your consent, the fact that she wants you to do it to her in return is immaterial.
Sit down with her and explain that to her, if she trivialises it or ignores you, then personally I would go your separate ways.
This time it was a BJ, what will it be next time without your consent?
Think very carefully about what you want and what you’re willing to accept before moving forward with the relationship.
If the roles had been reversed, she would have been considered very harshly. No means no, and if your partner can’t understand that, forces or coerces you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, then it’s a problem and you might want to consider if you’re willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t accept your boundaries and desires.