Thoughts on how to make new friends after college

People bond over shared experiences that transform them in some way – meaning, learning by being taken out of one’s comfort zone.

Think of a person in a stable state as an atom with an equal amount of electrons to compensate the positive charge of his number of protons.

In this state his charge is neutral, making him unable to form ion bonds (a deep connection).

Now an experience somewhat challenging to his ego, may knock some of his electrons out of his shell – or make him absorb extra ones.

This gives him a positive or negative charge, making him attract others with an opposite charge.

With those he may form deep connections – an ionic bond.

Leaving this metaphore behind, you will form deeper bonds with people when you and them are being challenged and out of your comfort zone, forced to adapt and grow. This is why people make friends in college, but less so at work. In college, everyone is going through the same process of growth together, but when joining some type of work force, most people are already settled in to what they are doing and have adapted to it.

For the same reason, going through a challenging or somewhat scary and transformative process together, like joining Toastmasters or a transformative retreat, or some type of volunteering in a foreign country, is far more likely to bond people, than comfort zone activities like going out drinking or yoga classes.

In my experience, friends are found at the edge of your interests and your fears.