A bit of a delicate situation I’m in and I can’t think of the right words to use – or if it’s even a good idea to let her know.
Long story short, my wife, who I absolutely adore, purchased some new clothes for the summer. After buying them, she told me excitedly all about how they are some new style that she’s going to try…essentially the shirts are like a crop top I guess? They are t-shirts that all kind of look like they’re half the length they should be. So when worn, they either expose her stomach or if she hikes up her pants / shorts high enough, the “shirt” comes down right to the top of the pants.
Here’s the thing, she’s kind of short and already more leg and a really big butt than she is torso. So this style just makes her torso look even smaller and further out of proportion. To a very noticeable extent.
I want to be clear, I love my wife’s body – she’s very very attractive to me, but she should avoid this style the same way there are styles of clothing that simply don’t suite me. On top if it I’m also confused because we’re in our mid-late 30s and it just seems like this might be a style more suited for 20-somethings. So I’m not sure where she saw this style or who encouraged it. I suspect one of her 20-something cousins that dresses kind of like it, but I get the strong sense my wife thinks it’s trendy and a good look.
I gave her a confused look when she first told me about it because I didn’t understand how she was describing it – and that alone did not go well so I expect it’s a sensitive area. Today is the first day I’ve seen one of her new outfits and it’s objectively 100% not her style. She’s invested in a near full wardrobe of it – like 7-10 outfits total.
How / should I tell her?
Edit: The clothes are from a place called ” Shein ” – I mentioned it because I see it come up elsewhere when I’m searching for guidance.
Edit 2: To clarify, zero part of the issue has anything to do with it being revealing or not. Honestly I don’t consider showing mid-drift to be revealing at all. She has tons of clothes that are revealing that I think look great. It’s really that the style highlights proportions in a very unflattering light. It makes her lower half look like 80% of her body, and her upper half 20% – if that makes sense. It’s like someone wearing almost all pants. She’s about 5ft tall for context. So 4 ft legs and butt, 1 ft everything else.
Edit 3: Yes, she’s been soliciting my opinion. I declined the offer of a “fashion show” to see the full line up yesterday as I was busy with work, but I suspect it may come up again.
38 comments
Sacrifice a top and rock the look yourself?
You don’t!!! Let her do her and you do you!! What looks good to her doesn’t have to look good to everybody else.
Ultimately its her choice and since its harmless, if she likes it, that could just be best left as is
If you really must say something, maybe tell her what your favorite styles she has worn are and how much you love seeing her in them and she might start wearing those more if you’re tactful enough about it
If you love your wife you will still see her as a beautiful person with or without clothes.
Maybe you both can try just for experience and fun.
And frankly mate no one can tell women what they should or shouldn’t wear. Unless you want your head on the chopping board
Did she even ask for your opinion on it?
Ran into this a bit with my late husband and my general attitude was “what’s the point of fashion if not making the wearer happy?” If he was happy, I never saw the need to give my unsolicited opinions even if I didn’t care for the style myself.
You might be able to research a fashion package thing where she gets a salon styling, makeup styling, and fashion styling… you have to be careful so it doesn’t look like you’re trying to change her look, but more it being about getting access to professional styling.
She been watching love island?
If she is asking for your oppinion, give it to her gently. Maybe say something like “Oh, I really think your sexy in more classic/timeless cuts”, or “I love when you leave something to the imagination”…NEVER say she looks bad in her new clothes. Just say that you generally likes a different kind of fashion. It’s honest and gentle. Maybe end with telleing her to wear what she is the most happy in, because she is the most beautiful happy anyways.
I would appreciate my husband telling me.
Offer to take a few pictures of her in the outfits. That’s usually how I find out I look ridiculous in my clothes.
Be honest, say that it doesn’t suit her personality or figure
You’ll need to be careful in your delivery. Gently criticize *the style,* and be very careful to avoid criticizing how *she looks* in the style:
“Crop tops have never been my favorite look,” not, “I don’t think crop tops flatter you.”
Honestly, if a confused look nearly started something, you’re probably not going to get out of this unscathed. This is how it is sometimes. Just step on that landmine and get it over with. Again, critique the style, and not her appearance in the style. I’m sure you know, but stay well away from phrases like “your body type” and “at your age.” Don’t mince words. Make your point clearly, and end the discussion quickly.
Use some tact, but you really don’t need to walk on eggshells. You’re an adult, she’s an adult, and you shouldn’t be treated badly for having a harmless opinion. Some initial soreness is reasonable; she likes the look, and you don’t. You should be able to express an opinion without getting in trouble or causing a fight, though.
Do your best to break this gently, but don’t tolerate poor treatment beyond some initial grumbling.
It’s always been odd to me that men care about this stuff. My Husband is the same. I kept my highschool Goth look for much longer than I should have. I was 33 still rocking the black pig tails and Betty Page bangs. He was embarrassed by it and said it was because I’m a reflection of him. I’ve never looked at my Husband that way. He likes Hockey Jerseys, T-shirts and Jeans. I’ve never tried to force him into a button down and Khaki’s? When he complained about my look it made me feel like he saw me as an accessory like a pocket dog or a purse. I felt confident and sexy the way I was. I did eventually give it up, but because I wanted to. Looking back, were knee socks and kilts with Doc Martens still appropriate into my 30’s? Probably not but I loved it and it helped me weed out assholes who judge based on looks which was a really good thing. It’s ok to mention it but be gentle and if she feels good in her clothes accept it. What makes her feel most confident will ultimately make her the most beautiful. Just my two cents.
Feel your pain. I had to suggest to my wife that she shop in “age appropriate” stores when she was after some new work clothes recently. She gave me the look, but, thankfully she did and looks better for it.
Before i get berated, it was a suggestion and better than me saying the tops would look better on her 18 YO daughter.
Let her make her own mistakes, if you point this out (no matter how delicate you are). She will blame you. Let her discover it for herself.
Accept the fashion show.
Tell her you like that she’s 90% legs now.
Let her girlfriends judge her back into more appropriate clothes.
That’s how it would happen for me, as a woman.
“I liked your old style more to be honest”. Leave it at that because it’s her choice to wear what she wants.
She might be going through some sort of mid life crisis or something if she randomly decided to buy a whole new wardrobe of a completely new style. It might just be a phase but it also might not
If I wore something that was unflattering on my body type I wish my husband would have the courage to tell me.
The way you described it doesn’t seem malicious or puritanical at all, not everything suits everyone and that’s ok.
Some people are overly sensitive when it comes to things like this but still, tell her with tact.
I would be upset if the people close to me had me out there looking silly.
Also she’s literally asking for your opinion, so give it to her. If she chooses to continue wearing it after that’s totally fine
Tread carefully in that minefield would be my advice !
I don’t understand fashion either , ride it out this year and it’ll probably be gone next
Make subtle suggestions that she’d look good in something else. Make a big deal about how beautiful you think the new outfit would make her look. Does it not look good, or doesn’t look good to you?
I would just ignore it. She’s already demonstrated she doesn’t want your honest opinion, but affirmation
Other people will say things to her. Its like a midlife crisis thing. Men get cars and fancy things women try to dress younger. Just dont say anything its not worth it on your end. She will eventually figure it out.
My wife is doing the same thing, worst part is she calls every girl a slut who literally wears the same clothes. Theres nothing you can do.
I’m stressed just reading about your situation. Another reason why I’m single I guess.
This is like telling someone that they have a booger hanging out of their nose. They’ve had it hanging out all day, and no one had the decency to tell them, because they wanted to “spare their feelings”. That isn’t kind. It isn’t compassionate.
If she looks ridiculous, part of her wants to know. Just tell her like you would “there is a booger hanging out of your nose”, “those clothes make your proportions look distorted.”
Maybe post this on r/askwomen to see how they would like to be informed if in a similar situation? I’m not a dude so please forgive me, but my husband straight up tells me if he doesn’t like something and it’s easier that way. He hated my longer denim shorts and said they looked like mom shorts so I don’t wear those anymore lol
OK, so you don’t like her new sartorial style and cannot control the urge to tell her, apparently to get her to stop it… (aka control this for your own comfort) *and* she hasn’t directly asked you your opinion. So, what’s your question again, dude?
It’s a phase, it will pass. Let her enjoy it if it makes her happy.
“hey, Baby? while that looks good on you, this would look better..”
*picks literally anything else*
it defuses while opting to not insult her sense of style and you can change her outfit.
Just be honest lol. A simple “I don’t like it” is usually good enough.
There is one thing I don’t understand from what people talk about here, why should a man be dishonest to his woman regarding her looks? Why all the glove-wearing when it comes to handling a situation like this? I mean, if my wife asks me how she looks in a certain outfit I tell her exactly what I think about it, if it’s ugly it’s not my fault and I’m certain that she needs to hear the truth not some bullshit on how she is gorgeous but the outfit is not that flattering, I just tell her she looks like a strawman that has fallen from the second floor or some wacky shit like that as to not hurt her feelings too bad, I still care about that, but if she looks bad I make sure she is aware of it, otherwise some friend of her or someone else might let her know and I would be in trouble for being dishonest.
I don’t think you should tell her. Let her friends judge and tell her (if it really is awful). You just support her. She sunk money and excitement into this. Don’t snuff that out.
you do not.
If she asks you how it looks find something positive to say.
Maybe suggest another style while telling here she would be better in it
If asks you if she doesn’t look good in her current style tell her that it’s good but another style would be better but never say it looks bad because women don’t forget stuff like that
I wouldn’t say anything. At the end of the day if she’s happy that’s all that should matter. Right now your thinking about how it is affecting you and it bothering you. Just let it be, she is probably feeling like her age is catching up to her and buying these clothes is a way for her to feel younger. It may just be a phase or something she is trying out. Let it be and don’t give it anymore thought. Just my opinion.
“Honey your taste in clothing is shit”
Why not let this be as simple as self expression? Maybe the clothes aren’t objectively the most flattering for her body shape or the style itself, but as a woman I feel like wearing something YOU like or feel attractive in, speaks volumes. I’m not sure a man could empathize, but for myself (29F) – I started going braless last summer. I know sometimes the shape of my chest looks better or worse in certain outfits and I just wear what I want regardless. It’s boosted my confidence. I’ve also opted for cropped tops (my preference is with something high waisted). I surrendered to the idea of wearing a bra to appear more attractive. If anyone (especially a guy) was like “hey, you really need to wear a bra” etc. it would be really hurtful. I know exactly what my body looks like, where my chest sits in certain clothes – sometimes it isn’t flattering! I know that.. That’s the point. I feel comfortable, confident.. I wouldn’t want someone to tear me down over it.
I’ve seen more women, of different shapes and sizes.. wearing things that maybe, 5-10 years ago would have been criticized. Example.. you don’t need a flat stomach to wear a cropped top. Or an hourglass body to wear a tight dress. You don’t need a huge chest to wear a low cut shirt or a big butt to wear yoga pants.
There’s a lot of liberation in being comfortable in your skin and confident about what you’re wearing. I’d also argue… if this isn’t your partners usual style, consider that there are different seasons of life. 20s or 30s, whatever age. Maybe this wardrobe reflects a shift of energy, a new beginning.. or even just being curious and adventurous.
To me, the situation seems very easy. Can you talk to your partner about what makes her feel attractive in these outfits or why the aesthetic speaks to her? I know when I try wearing something new (i.e. a hairstyle, an outfit) I get excited when someone asks me about it.
Approach it with curiosity, be open minded. It’s beautiful to see someone glowing with self love and appreciation… even if it isn’t your style.
I usually don’t even say anything, but the look on my face often betrays me.
Haha, yeah…speaking as a short, short-torsoed woman who was a big fan of crop tops in my day:
What you should look for is if she’s hiking those pants past her natural waist.
Basically, it’s the line at which her waist goes in the most, probably a couple inches above her belly button. Her pants should not pass above that line. (Ideally, they probably look better being about an inch lower.)
The bottom of conservatively cropped shirt should hit that line.
But the short-torsoed gals should really aim for pants that STOP below their belly button and the crop hit their natural waistline, to achieve the same look. Otherwise it’s Winnie the Pooh time.
If you can eyeball it and give her that constructive criticism, and see if her less high-waisted pants do the look a little more justice, it should help her out.