My boyfriend and I are a little over 4 years now in our relationship.
I am really not attracted to him physically but he is so smart, nice and eloquent that is why I said yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend.
He doesn’t smell really nice, I suppose that is because they have 12 dogs at home and the smell of their piss sips into every corner of their home, but I did not care. I just thought to myself that if we will move out and create our own family I will wash his clothes and make sure to clean our house regularly too, in that way he won’t smell “bad”.
It took me about 3 months to fully love him and accept him the way he is. It took me 2 years to finally have sex with him. Also, he was my first.
After 3 and a half years into relationship we decided to move in together. And this is where it all spiralled down.
He snores so loud that one time I just found myself crying, I can’t sleep because of his loud snoring. He also farts so loud(he just did, while I’m typing this🥺). He also sweats excessively. He rarely brush his teeth and I do not feel like kissing him or having sex with him anymore.
I brushed this off before thinking it will change.
He is a really nice person and I truly love him but this is too much. I can’t live with this kind of person for the rest of my life. I did try my best to tell him about these issues but I guess brushing alone won’t make it for him.
How will I tell him that I wanna break up with him in a way that he will not be offended?
TL;DR : I want to break up with my bf of 4 years because of his habits but I do not want to offend him.
7 comments
If you had a job and you got fired because you smelled as fragrant as a dung heap (and thought you were getting away with it), wouldn’t you rather be told *why* you were being fired?
There’s no magic way to make him not offended. You are ending a 4 year relationship it likely will hurt him. But if you know you can’t be happy with him just have a conversation, be honest and give both of you the opportunity to be happy with other people.
This can all be fixed. Tell him to brush his stanky teeth, take regular showers, and have good hygiene. Buy some of those anti-snore strips and have him use them every night. (It’s 2022, there thousands of solutions for snoring 🤦🏻♂️) Have a mini fan on his side of the bed to prevent him from sweating (it works). Now the farts, can’t really do anything about that 😂 Don’t lose a good relationship over small things that can be easily fixed. It seems to me, that you have more of a communication problem. Let me know what you think 😎
I agree with you, it comes to a point where enough is enough and I can’t express how serious that is. And wow 4 years is pretty long congrats on a long relationship 👏🏼 many can’t do that. I would recommend sitting him down and having a serious talk with him. Like a SERIOUS talk. No more holding back, hurt his feelings if you have too. “You’re stank breath is disgusting and a turn off.” You should note that saying this won’t affect your relationship. This is a small thing that can easily be fixed. It’s not something where he’s permanently forced or has to live with, so he’ll get over the rudeness and disrespect of your comments.
He will be offended anyway, there is no nice way around the situation unless you want to say a lie and just tell him I fell out of love god knows why?
Yikes.
So, you mention he was your first. Not sure if you just mean sexually here, or your first relationship, but – doesn’t matter. This:
>I brushed this off before thinking it will change.
was your biggest mistake here, but don’t feel bad – it’s a rookie mistake. You will do better next time. I want to point this out to you, because you need to understand why it’s bad. This isn’t about his terrible hygiene, or any other habit he might have. Instead, “I brushed this off, thinking it would change” is the lesser form of one of the worst dating sins:
Dating Potential
…as in “don’t date potential”. Basically: realize that you can only date the person you actually *have*, not the person you *hope they will become*, because there’s **zero** guarantee they will actually change anything in any way to become that person.
So back to your original question:
There’s not really a way to break up with someone without offending them, unless they also already have one foot out the door and just don’t care that much. But really, if you want to do the kindest thing for your dude:
*tell him why you are breaking up*
Hopefully, he will straighten himself out before the next person comes along.
Good luck, girl.
You have to tell him, unless he has violent tendencies and you are afraid he will act in a dangerous way. You made a relationship with a person you did not really like (which isn’t uncommon), but you stayed with him for 4 years and you were acquiescent with things you didn’t like. You must have your own reasons to stay with a person you are not attracted to, maybe you feel like you don’t deserve better or it’s a cultural thing.
If you believe that there is a chance he acts violent hearing the news, let your family or friends be aware of your actions. His reaction is what would scare me the most..if you give an end to this relationship please don’t stay in the same house with him for one or two days, it’s dangerous and maybe the other person is planning something against you.