TLDR: my gf (18f) has been messaging her ex even after I said I wasn’t very comfortable with it
For reference my and my Gf have been together for a little over a year now and she broke up with her ex roughly a year and a half ago. They dated for 11 months. It was hard on her and I was there helping her through a lot of her pain. He ended up dating another girl and blocked/ghosted my gf a little after I met her. Fast forward until 4 days ago, my gf got a notification that her ex was trying to follow her on insta. I then told her she should ask him why he started following her on insta again. (I feel like I have to admit when I gave her this advice I wasn’t fully sober). Turns out he broke up with his Gf. I don’t know when they broke up however, I know it had to happen within a week bc I saw them together at her Graduation for HS. I find this to be bs since when he broke up he straight up vanished. Never texted a bit of closer. And now they’re just msg like nothing ever happened. Ever since that night they have been texting back and forth all day since. I was fine with it at first but now I’m starting to feel concerned. For more reference my gf after we started dating never once said anything good about they guy. Literally zero. Whenever she would mention him it was always something negative. Two days ago when I asked her about it she said that he was an “old friend.” Like I said earlier I almost never heard her say something positive about the guy and it was all negative. Two days ago I voiced my opinion in which I told her I’m not really comfortable with her texting him anymore. My Gf texting him has gotten to the point where Yesterday while I was in bed with her cuddling, she was still texting him. She even started to have a panic attack yesterday when she couldn’t find her memory box. Once she found It I noticed she took pictures of things inside the box and were sending those images to her ex. And when I asked why she was so keen on finding that memory box, the answer I got was “bc it’s half my life” which i decided to not question. Now looking back should I be worried? I know in that memory box is some stuff relating to him bc she told me that b4. Even last night when we were FaceTiming I asked her what she was doing and she told me “I’m watching etho” or “I’m watching tik tok” all while I hear her nails go “click clack click clack” on her phone screen texting. I’m starting to feel paranoid but I also don’t wanna be that guy who has trust issues. I find it hard to talk about stuff like this with her due to my anxiety, what should I do?
7 comments
communicate. today talk to her. sit down with her and tell her you are worried. why is she talking to her ex. what are her intentions. what are his intentions. you need to find that all out. and ask whats happening. and you should be able to tell if she is lying. prove that he isnt flirting or they arnt flirting over text. are they meeting up often, if so thats a bit weird.
YES, you should be worried. There are TOO many red flags here.After telling her you didn’t feel comfortable with her texting her ex, she continued to do so. This time frame also suggests she never truly gotten over him when she got with you. There is ABSOLUTELY no reason why she should be communicating with him so whatever excuse she gives you doesn’t even matter. All that being said, it’s time to put your foot down. There’s no easy way around this. You need to communicate your thoughts and feelings to her and if she refuses to cut him off, you should cut her off. Period.
You made your boundaries clear and she doesn’t care about it. She is obviously strongly tied to her ex and doesn’t care about your concerns.
Straight up ask her how she would like you continually texting your ex, and sending photos of your memories together. Tell her if she has feelings for him you will bow out gracefully so she can pursue her wants, but you won’t keep being disrespected. She sounds like she is on the verge of cheating at worst, having an emotional affair at best.
Oof. Honestly, I would’ve broken up with her over that, but I have a strong boundary with ex flings/relationships ect. Im not saying you should or shouldn’t.. but it seems like she has feelings for him still. Dont let her tell you otherwise either. Always look at a woman’s action.. never listen to her words only. Texting an ex is a red flag, but texting an ex 24/7 is a HUGE RED FLAG.
Dude I don’t want to judge because you’re young but GET OUT NOW. This is beyond a red flag this is clearly (emotional) cheating and beyond frustrating to read. I seriously thought this was rage bait
Sounds like she wasn’t ready to be in relationship to begin with. Maybe she started dating you to genuinely move on, maybe she started dating you in an attempt to make ex jeolous. Either way, it affected you to the point where you told her that you don’t like hearing her bring him up. So you knew it was an issue but you stayed.
Then his relationship ends, and immediately contacts her, his plan B. The fall back plan. She doesn’t understand that his level of respect and interest in her is the same of her levels to you. Chances are, he looking to see if he can still get her for ego boost or he looking for hookup.
Yall have had 11 months being together for her to forget him. She clearly still values him higher. You should have no doubt in your mind whether she still has significant feelings for the guy.
You need to leave her. You shouldn’t even have to set a “boundary” on this situation. But you have and then don’t follow through. Your sending the message that you won’t leave regardless of whatever she does.
Ignore the advice on trying to talk to her and ask her how would you react.. this is pointless. No reason to try and get her to see reason and/or fix her.