My (M42) best friend (F39) said that she loved me, so I kissed her and she got angry at me. What did i do wrong?

21 comments

1. You do realise that it’s entirely possible to love someone but not be *in love* with someone?

2. Love you.. as a friend clearly. And you don’t just kiss out of the blue

3. There are many kinds of love. Platonic friend love is arguably the most rare, but appears to be what your friend was showing you. Hopefully you can salvage this friendship by explaining your naïveté.

4. You are old enough to know there are many kinds of love, and romantic love is just one of them. She was telling you she loves you platonically, as a friend, and I don’t believe this didn’t occur to you.

5. She meant she loved you, not that she was in love with you. She probably felt the well established friendship made her meaning clear. I’ve loved many friends, my parents, siblings, other family, several cats, etc. but that doesn’t mean I was interested in anything sexual/romantic.

   It sounds like you probably aren’t neurotypical and have difficulty understanding social interactions. You may benefit from getting an evaluation with a psychologist and then working on skills you haven’t developed very much.

6. How is it that you’re 42 years old and still completely unaware that love does not equal sex?

7. She loves you for bringing a sweet. She’s upset that you kissed her – in her mind – unprovoked.

   I’m sorry she couldn’t just shrug it off, y’all being good friends and all.

8. Are there any other issues socially? I mean at 42 there’s some social context to consider before you just kiss your friend of 10 yrs. & wondering at that age why not to take words literally makes me think something else is up. Are you, for example, on the autism spectrum?

9. People say “I love you” to their parents, children, siblings, close friends all the time without it meaning that they want to jump their bones. There is lots of love out there that is not romantic love. She’s shocked and disappointed because all of a sudden in her eyes you’re just one of those guys who’s friends with a girl because they want to sleep with them.

10. One thing to keep in mind.
    If you are friends only for more than six months, she isn’t interested in anything more.

11. She’s shocked and disappointed because for her this was a platonic friendship and it doesn’t seem like she knew about your non-platonic interest. So now she’s like, this person has been expecting or hoping for this all along without saying anything, never giving her the chance to make an informed choice about the friendship or express what *she* wants.

    A lot of women find it difficult to be friends with men because often that person is waiting around to date them, but won’t be upfront about it… which breeds a whole lot of mismatched expectations, and that sucks for everyone. By kissing her you showed that actually your expectations for a friendship are different, and she needs to process that.

12. People love their friends and relatives. That doesn’t mean they want to have sex with them.

13. lol i remember reading once that as a woman you can never actually have a guy friend because deep down he’s hoping for more than just friendship, you just kinda proved that

    someone can love you as a friend you know

14. Ok, so here’s the thing. There’s many different types of love. Depending on what source you read there can be between 4 and 9.

    You’re looking for Eros – erotic, passionate love. Your friend most likely feels for you Philia – love of friends and equals. Majority of the different love types have nothing to do with the erotic side of love. Western culture emphasizes erotic, passionate love currently but it is by no means the most common or even universally the most important.

    Next time ask before acting. It will save you from many awkward moments.

15. How is it your 42 and don’t understand there’s different types of love? That people love friends without loving them romanticly?

    You’ve been friends for a decade. She loves you like a friend/brother not romanticly dumbass.

16. There are different types of love. You just did a big oof lol now your friendship is stained.

17. I think maybe you should just bring up that you’re not great with social cues and got a wire crossed. Does she know you’re on the spectrum? It might help to let her know. I think you can just send a text apologizing and explaining, maybe offer to give her some space until she reaches out, and I think it will be fine.

18. I’m not sure how you misinterpreted it, but it’s clear to me that her phrase of “oh I love you so much” is in reference to thanking you for the cake.

    So at the minimum as far as what you did wrong , was that you misinterpreted her words, in a situation where she didn’t think there would be any ambiguous way of interpreting the words.

19. Dude. “Aww, I love you so much!” is a friend thing. An expression of happiness and appreciation for the dessert, and of your relationship. It was not, and never was, meant to be a romantic declaration.

    Friends love friends. There is a massive difference btwn love as a friend and in love as a partner.

    And she absolutely didn’t hug you b/c she’s already had you kiss her and didn’t want to risk that again. She’s disappointed b/c she trusted you as a friend, and you kissed her.

20. >I’ve tried to use tips from her, but they don’t work

    Yeah well tips from some people who had succes in dating never work for your the average person. They will say stuff like “just be nice” 😂

    I hope you will have luck from now on and you will get some romantic experience. I wish you good luck and if you ever need a online friend let me know. My DM’s are open for everyone. ☺️

21. I tell my friends that I love them. But I am not in love with them.