I have terrible social skills, and I try to improve them when I talk to my friends but they are always incredibly dissmissive of me because of my lack of intellegence and I think I make them uncomfortable. I ask them if they think I am creepy or if I need to work on anything and they say I am one of their best friends. This makes me feel like I am going crazy because it is obvious how little of a connection to these people that I have, but they won’t try and help me except to say to be more confident in myself.
21 comments
You need new friends.
Work on your social skills, yes, but with people who are not dismissive towards you.
I was like that until a few years ago. I never fitted in any social settings anyhow. I felt weird amongst my friend group, etc. However, I made peace with who I am, because what stays with you always is your personality no matter what. Now I am able to talk with my friends (mostly with guys). And recently I made a really good woman friend (can’t say girl friend because we are not there yet despite the fact that we become flirty from time to time). I talked with my mom about the way I am today, and she said to me that it is on my nature to not talk with people a lot, therefore I need to accept this reality. Changes doesn’t happen overnight though. You *need to* make small achievements, one step at a time.
> I talk to my friends but they are always incredibly dismissive of me because of my lack of intelligence.
OK, here we need to ask 2 questions:
1. Are we sure that they are your FRIENDS? Friends never really dismiss you.
2. Are you REALLY lacking intelligence or is it just you THINKING that you are lacking intelligence and they dismiss you because of that? If you ask me though, it is very likely that the latter probability is the case here. Because oftentimes we cannot make objective judgments about ourselves. Which causes us to think emotionally rather than logically/realistically.
First of all don’t think that you are a creep. Remember that your thoughts about urself matters a lot. Universe listen to these thoughts. It listen to ur happiness, ur pain , every thing. Start Small, each step count. Start with simple hello n how r u? Next day Compliment them. Talk about weather, sports anything. Main thing is to Observe them. Patience is they Key here. Most importantly stay kind. Focus on urself. Help yourself. Stay Strong n Never give up.
You sure you don’t just hate how interacting with others make you feel because this interaction triggers negative feelings about yourself? There’s a big difference.
If someone believes deep down that they are worthless, that person will find the 1 moment out of a hundred where there might have been a hint of dismissiveness and ignore all the other. Because this fits with the narrative that that person has created, that people dismiss them.
Try to improve your social skills. Know more people, add your life more friends, but dont trust anyone 100%.
I need it too
Yeah, the people you think are your friends aren’t really friends. That’s your main issue here. Cut them loose and work on doing something for yourself (a hobby or interest). Maybe try joining a couple Meetup groups that have other people who share those interests. This would give you more resources to enjoy something you like and meet new people.
I’ve learned that sometimes life actually can be less lonely (and more fulfilling) alone than surrounded by cruel dysfunctional people. From that, I learned quickly that it is hard to stay alone when we are happy.
Talk with people who share your interests. Your past posts show You’re 15. What exactly are you talking about so much that you need intelligence for?
Talk to a different group of people and be friends with them instead.
You should start contacting online with your friends or online in general. It’s really hard to just read some of ideas and start a conversation. Slowly it will expand. My opinion: start with texting or voice messaging.
Try to make friends online. Build a persona of who you are when you are completely honest, when you are vulnerable. Then you will (eventually) find more… socially aware friends. The “be more confident in yourself” advice from your friends doesn’t sound dismissive to be, but I do think they just spat it out because they’ve heard it before, rather than because they analyzed how you think and act. They lack the tools, the life experience, to help you. If they are like I was when I was younger, they might be a bit self-obsessed too; ***so*** obsessed thinking about how they are viewed by others that they can’t pull themselves away to really put themselves in your shoes.
Online, you might be able to find people who take your words at face value. Try discord.
It’s not connection to the others you lack, it’s connection to yourself. You are rejecting and surpresssing all of these feelings that are arising in you, trying all these strategies not to feel them. If these people would just treat me X, Y, and Z the you think you would feel “better” about yourself. You have it backward. These feelings in you need to be allowed to be there. These are energies in you that you are rejecting. When the emotional energy that you don’t like comes, you need to start to let it remain there and relax the body — not to make the energy go away, but to let it be felt and move and release. This is the essence of confidence — allowing the energy inside you to be there, whatever it is. When you interact with people, emotional energy will be triggered. If you learn to allow this energy to be there — the essence of yoga, btw — then you will be able to be cool with other people. By being more accepting of your own emotional energy, you are more accepting of others. And guess what happens when YOU are more accepting of others. You got it — they become more accepting of you.
Excuse me… but I am with you entirely.
I honestly dont even want to be in a relationship with someone to take my time, and energy…. yet, I want to be in a relationship that takes my time and energy (but gives it back in return).
I found out when I started to love myself and love being alone that’s when people tried to befriend me.
Loneliness is real, but people are the fucking worst. It’s a struggle.
I feel your pain exactly!
What expectations are you placing on yourself and others?
>I have terrible social skills, and I try to improve them when I talk to my friends but they are always incredibly dissmissive of me because of my lack of intellegence and I think I make them uncomfortable. I ask them if they think I am creepy or if I need to work on anything and they say I am one of their best friends. This makes me feel like I am going crazy because it is obvious how little of a connection to these people that I have, but they won’t try and help me except to say to be more confident in myself.
Watch Kurzgesagt’s episode on loneliness and make your peace with humanity and with yourself instead of being right all the time. If you can’t do this, you have the wrong friends and are likely in the wrong country. If you are in the wrong country, know your destination’s local language and go there. If it’s overseas, go by sailboat. Respect the locals.
Man, if you’d like we could talk, dm me here on Reddit
Honestly, I’m hyper ignorant, mainly bc I don’t find interest in most things.
With that said today I had the most amazing conversation about quantum physics with a teacher.
I advice that you focus on what you like so when ppl that also like that crops your path, you can make the most deep of connections with them.
I got lot more to say but I’m in my break and I want to keep finding random stuff.
Cheers
Easy, get a dog
Haha why does this sounds like me except that I don’t care what other people think of me. Guess I just embraced the loneliness but I go socialize whenever I feel like it.
You don’t need a lot of people in your circle. It’s exhausting. Socialize but don’t force yourself to do it, it’ll just come awkward and creepy if you do. There are days that will feel like it’s time and it’ll be natural. Haha I don’t know how to explain that but yea. Good luck! 😂
They can’t really help you. You Will need to learn to be confident, find something Ur good at and get respecteert for your talents/work. Maybe they’re dissmissive bc they’re insecure and afraid that you would make them look foolish in a group. And don’t hate People. Most of us wouldn’t judge someone Else just bc of a Lack of social skills. Humans are made to help eachother and most Will do