Relationship with abandonment issues

I recently realized I have abandonment issues from my dad leaving me from the age of 4 until I was 13. This has been a huge revelation for me, and I’ve realized how many of the patterns I fit too perfectly into. I have not had more than a couple months, if not days, where I was single between relationships for the past 10 years, consisting of a few month long flings. My last relationship was for about a year, and it became toxic as they started an unhealthy codependency. I ended it but then almost immediately got into my current one.

Nowadays, I’ve been with my new partner for a year, and this was my first love back in high school. I’m finishing college now and we’ve both grown into new people and have a great appreciation for each other. We’re moving in together in August and are both very excited because they like the way I make them feel needed and important, and I like feeling important and cared for.

What my issue is that we argue often. It’s mostly due to my lack of awareness in certain situations (I also have ADHD) and how my partner occasionally fails to meet basic standards for me. They like a certain level of competency and even I recognize I’m sometimes spacey and unaware of the situation. My memory is also not very good and will argue something is right until they remind me of what actually happened (& then I do remember). I also hate feeling stupid which I often experience. I do the typical actions of pushing away and wanting to hide and being scared of making them mad, but also wanting to fight for myself. For example, sometimes they don’t have clean towels when I stay over, so I can’t dry my hands or take a shower until they finish washing/drying once I complain about it. But there’s also times when I feel like I can’t speak my mind about something because I’m worried it’ll upset them, and then I mention something later. This is when they get upset at me for not speaking up in the first place (“closed mouths don’t get fed”) and it’s an upsetting cycle. I asked if they can reassure me instead of criticizing me or getting frustrated, but they said they don’t know how to. I’m just wondering if anyone has suggestions for how I can explain to my partner my specific needs due to my abandonment issues? Sorry if anything was confusing I’m willing to answer any questions.